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I found a cousin, who agreed to contact my birth mother last month. She denies everything, but all evidence points to her. I have written a letter which I plan to send this weekend. What can I expect? And what should I do if she ignores me? I'm not willing to drop this.
Wendy

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I have a similar story (see my post). Feel free to contact me and we can "vent" together!!

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Hi Wendy;

First let me express my sadness for your bmom's first reaction. I cannot totally understand the initial second rejection but, I have experienced a later rejection with my own bfamily.

Send your letter. Your bmom may be in a state of shock, denile or a great deal of pain in her memories. She may come to a differrent place if given time. Some bmom's initial reaction is NO, NO, NO, not because they don't want too meet you but because they are so scared of what your feeling's are going to be towards them. Also, if you were the perverbial secret she may feel nervious about opening that unopen door.

Give her time she may come around; it has happened a lot. Some adoptee's initial reaction has been "NO", but the bparent takes some time to think things through and they change their minds. Don't forget your now a part of her everyday thinking right now. I mean that she knows you are out there and you are wishing for contact; she will wake up with that and go to bed with that every night.

I hope that my thoughts are right and your letter will reasure her that you are not angry and don't want anything from her and she will allow you in. Hold onto positive thoughts.

Best wishes
Christine

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Originally Posted By KRISTINE

I AM A CHILD WHO WAS GIVEN UP FOR ADOPTION AT BIRTH BECAUSE I WAS A THE RESULT OF AN AFFAIR. ABOUT 4 YEARS AGO, AFTER A SEARCH I CAME IN CONTACT WITH MY BIRTHFATHER, AND MY SIX HALF SISTERS WHO LIVE 2 HOURS AWAY. WE REUNITED AND THEY ARE WONDERFUL!!!
THE SEARCH ALSO PUT ME IN CONTACT WITH MY BIRTHMOTHER WHO, COME TO FIND OUT, ONLY LIVES DOWN THE STREET FROM ME AND HAS SINCE I WAS BORN. THE PERSON WHO CONDUCTED THE SEARCH GAVE HER MY PHONE NUMBER AND SHE CALLED ME. WE BREIFLY SPOKE, AND RIGHT OFF, I COULD TELL SOMETHING WASN'T RIGHT. SHE SEEMED TO BE MORE CONCERNED WITH THE WELL BEING OF MY BIRTHFATHER THAN SHE WAS WITH ME. SHE MENTIONED THAT IT WAS VERY UPSETTING TO HER THAT I WANTED TO CONTACT HER, AND THAT IT WASN'T GOOD FOR HER SINCE SHE WAS ON MEDICATION FOR AN EMOTIONAL DISORDER. WE SPOKE MAYBE ONE OR TWO MORE TIMES BEFORE SHE STOPPED CALLING. SHE WOULD NEVER TELL ME WHERE SHE LIVED, SHE ALWAYS CALLED FROM A PAYPHONE, AND SHE REFUSED TO MEET ME IN PERSON. THE MORE SHE SPOKE, THE MORE I WOULD CATCH HER LYING TO ME. FOR INSTANCE, SHE'D MENTION THAT I HAD A SISTER NAMED HEATHER MARIE...THEN SHE'D LATER DENY THAT SHE HAD ANY OTHER CHILDREN. HER LAST CALL TO ME WAS AUGUST 1997.
I WOULD BREAK DOWN AND CRY FOR HOURS AFTER EACH OF HER CALLS. I FELT SO ALONE...AND SO REJECTED. I CAME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT SHE WASN'T VERY MENTALLY STABLE, AT ALL...AND THAT IT WAS ACTUALLY A BLESSING THAT SHE STOPPED CALLING ME. IT TOOK SOME TIME, BUT I HAVE FINALLY LEARNED TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT I WILL NEVER HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY BIRTHMOTHER. I CAN'T SAY THAT IT DOESN'T HURT THAT SHE DOESN'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME...BECAUSE IT DOES HURT, ALOT, BUT I HAVE REALIZED THAT I AM BETTER OF WITHOUT HER IN MY LIFE.
THANKS FOR LETTING ME SHARE MY STORY WITH YOU. IT'S VERY THEREPEUTIC TO TALK OPENLY ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS. IF ANYONE READ MY STORY AND CAN RELATE TO MY SITUATION, PLEASE SEND ME AN E-MAIL. I'D LOVE TO LISTEN TO YOUR STORY, AND GIVE YOU SOME SUPPORT ON MAKING IT THROUGH THE TOUGH TIMES...

kris_avery@yahoo.com