[donna campbell]

Hello ,I have been reunited with my daughter now for 60 days ,she is 26 years old ,
I have been taking it slow at her request, because her adoptive mother is haveing some trouble with this and some others in her adopted family ,
I have had my info out there for 10 years and she found me ,was like a dream come true ,, ok my question is for adoptees or birthmoms
when we talk she keeps asking if there is anything else I would like to ask her , ok I have asked her just about everything , but when I say no hun not right now she seems to get distancent , is there a question ,I maybe missing that is special to her ? I have went over and over in my head ,I've answered all her questions , please any help in this I would be so grateful ,a list anything thanks to all and god bless tomdonna_237@msn.com

[vegaschristina]

I'm an amom, and my kids are still young, but she might be expecting certain questions from you. Perhaps you might tell her that you're asking your questions slowly so you can take it all in. That you don't want to rush things, but instead you want to savour the answers.

Good luck in your reunion.

[Jillalan]

Hard to say when you haven't told us what you've asked. My first phone call with son I asked did he have a good life, are you happy,asked about brothers and sisters (adopted), where was he raised, what did he do for a living, how tall, color hair, married, children all sorts of things.

My 2nd phone call I asked about meeting him.

I would be open with her and ask, what is it that you want me to ask - what have I missed asking?

It's difficult for you to know the balance between being too forward and not asking enough.

For me, I jumped in with both feet, my son had no doubt how much I wanted to know him, that I missed him and all that.....

As her afamily is having problems with her finding you that may be the reason she's asking to go slow, but you said she did search for you so she is curious!

Maybe she wants you to ask if she's healthy, happy? I just don't know.

When my bsiblings found me one of them asked, what is it your looking for in finding us.

When in doubt ASK! At least that's how I am/was.

Congratulations on finding your daughter though. Hope you'll have a wonderful relationship.

[kune]

Hi Donna
I sort of understand that once the questions are exhausted, or explanations, there doesn't seem much in the way of conversation to bind you together. Maybe this is what your bdaughter is commenting on - Is she thinking what happens when the questions have all gone. Those empty moments become longer unless you can find words to fill them. I remember them well when I was first in reunion and finally made a conscious effort to fill them with stories of how I went on with my life after his birth, constantly assuring him there wasn't a day when I didn't think of my firstborn. The stories sort of gave him a better understanding of who I was back then and how I became who I am now. Told him how I met my husband - talked about how his birth impacted on my at the other two children's birth and my mothering. I think the stories helped to "paint the picture".

Stalled conversations are hard on both parties so I hope you find a way to be more open and chatty. Maybe if you can relate personal stories you will both open up new lines of communication.

All the Best
Ann