[Tudu]

As an adoptive mother, I was tickled to be told that my dd has been added to her Great Gma's will. I am sure it won't be much but she will get an equal share as the other Great Grandchildren. She will also get some of her jewlery. We have an open adoption so the GG's position hasn't changed regardless of the legal documents we have that say otherwise. (It does help that Em told everyone at a family reunion when she was 3 that she "loves GG the most b/c she wipes her booty really good". LOL)

[Oceans]

Tudu - I have to laugh... I read that you were "ticked" (not tickled). I actually read "ticked" 3x's and was thinking "what the problem???" LOL It had me worried for a second - Like I was breaking a rule I didn't know about b/c I want to leave my son an heirloom.

Whew!!

[shadow riderer]

Mockingbird, I'm no expert, but I would think you could put anyone in your will you wanted. As long as it was a "legally binding" will, it should stand up in court. It could be contested, but a judge would then have the final decision. A lawyer should be able to verify exactly what the law would state.

As far as the adoptive parents, I don't think you should worry about them. Do what your heart tells you to do. It's your estate. If it offends them, I would think that would be there problem to deal with. JMO, but what you do with your estate is really none of their business. You don't have to tell them.

I can't speak for your Bchild but, I think I'm fairly safe in saying that most adoptees don't search or reunite thinking about bio parents estates and being included in wills. If that were so, what would it say about the kind of person your bchild was. I understand your concern about your Bc's feelings, but I think the type of relationship the two of you develop will play a much bigger role in his/her feelings. I'm probably not explaining this well. JMO, your will and estate are about what you want, not what others want.

JMO, I think you should do what is in your heart. Keep in mind that you don't have to tell anyone. Your will, your estate, is yours to do with as you choose.
As an reunited adoptee, I would prefer not to know about such things, especially in the beginning of reunion. It's not something I want to focus on. The actual relationship is way more important. Again, JMO

[Dickons]

From an adoptee...

The only thing I can think of that would have been special is a letter to me and perhaps a small momento, something my birthmother cherished or always made her smile. I have momento's from all the special people in my life who have passed on...they are my most prized possessions even though they have minimal value to others.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[keds]

Good point Dickons! I spoke with my 2 raised children and asked what they would like (momento wise) and then I made a suggestion for my bson and they both agreed and thought it was perfect (closest to my heart but more appropriate for a son than a daughter). Anyway, I have not told my bson about changing my will as I think it may make him feel uncomfortable as our reunion is still in the early stages. I can say that my former will (and hubby's) all read "all children from our relationship" so there was never any doubt. We've been together 29 years and are "comfortable" but it's not about the money for me. It's difficult to express in words, he was, is and always be part of me, as are my other kids/adults. I guess I'm not clear but they understand and that's most important to me. Of course, I completely understand the "stranger" posts.

[Patty-cake]

I'm still undecided. If I die first my husband gets the cash& vice/versa While I think of my b.daughter (I hate to use that name) as much my child as the son that I raised and would like her to share equally- I don't have a lot. (I also have step children). Both my kids are well educated and live comfortably. While my son was growing up we had the basics but not much else. B.daughter was adopted by people with plenty. For this reason I'd kind of like to leave what few $$ I have to my son. Also I doubt if my son's dad will have anything to leave him (we divorced years ago). My daughter told me early on that she didn't want to interfere with anyone's inherritance. (I was trying to give her something- I don't remember what) Anyway I hope she ment it in case I leave it all to my son and step-children. Even though I'm only 56 I've already started giving sentamental items away for my loved ones to enjoy now. That includes my b.daughter.

Oh yes in Texas it is illegal to exclude adopted children from your will-I think that is directed at a.parents. I guess I should consult an attorney to be sure.-Patty

[lahdh4]

I don't have a will as of yet. However, with that being said. She is the ben. of my 401K. I told Supergirls' Mom about when I did it a few years ago.

[NanieB44]

I feel very strongly about this issue. I was reunited with my firstborn daughter 20 years ago. Before our reunion was even totally cemented, my parents and I changed our wills to include her. (My family was not rich, but we were comfortable. Her a'father was basically penniless at the end and her a'mother's pension is being eaten up caring for her with Alzheimer's. None of those conditions existed when we changed our wills. It wouldn't have mattered to me if they had been wealthy. My decision would have been the same.)

My firstborn was, is and always will be my child. When my parents died, she and my other two children received special family heirlooms. When I pass on...they and their children will share equally in anything that may be left. To have done anything differently would to me giving a final affirmation that somehow she was less my child than the others.

Don't mean to offend anyone. Just my feelings and opinion. We all have to do what we think is right, whatever that is.