[keds]

Hi there! I have to tell you that I literally have to sit on my hands sometimes to make sure that I don't pick up the phone and call him. I doubt that he would mind but I want to make sure I'm giving him space. I'm going to ask my bson next time I see him if he is thinking of me as much as I am him (as you said it is intensified since our first meeting). I can barely concentrate at work and when I'm not working he's always on my mind. Yes, he is older and very mature, and he has a terrific family/girlfriend who are very supportive, which I think makes all the difference. I haven't been so lucky as my husband (bdad) told me last night he has no interest in meeting him or seeing pictures (his loss) so I am upset about that but he may change his mind down the road. He's concerned about what affect it will have on friendships/family and business. I told him that I was going to have a relationship, whatever form, and that I would not be forced to choose. My eldest daughter seems to be taking the same position, although it is based a little on jealousy and the fact that she's afraid he will meet her and then have nothing else to do with her, so it is going to be difficult but they all have friends and interests that don't include me so if it means having to take time away from them I will do so. I just have to be careful not to push anyone too far and be mindful of their feelings. It will make this process a lot more difficult but I'll manage. I think my daughter leaving home to attend university isn't helping as my husband is regretting not spending more time with her in the last few years - you know - empty nest syndrome. I went through it when she first left and now he is in the depths of depression. I feel for him but at the same time he has to work it out himself, just as I did. I pray that it doesn't come down to an ultimatum as then nobody wins. I do know what my decision will be, and I think he does as well so I don't think it will come to that - we'll just have to compromise. Thursday is just 2 days away! Time to dive back into work and try and keep my mind occupied. All the best.

[quantum]

Yowsa.
I cannot imagine going though all that I've been going through without the support of my husband.
It must be extra hard since he's the bdad.
It seems like your husband has a lot of things he's avoiding dealing with.
I hope that he comes to really accept it and SOON!

Take care, Thursday is nearly here!

[keds]

It's very difficult doing this on my own but I've had lots of practice - 27 years! All the books say to surround yourself with a support network but if it isn't there you make do, this forum has been a Godsend. I'm not too concerned about hubby - if he doesn't change his mind it's his loss and I'll enjoy a relationship with our bson and he'll be left out. Of course, I am worried that it will be devestating for our bson but I've told him that it's not about him that hubby is just not ready. Alot has to do with his strict upbringing too and how his parents reacted then and the fact that we both believe they should not be involved in any reunion. They are too set in their ways and it would be difficult for everyone, especially bson to see their narrowmindedness. I still get the occasional jab at how I'm not good enough but I figure hey, your son married me! As for my daughters they just need to be reassured that they haven't been "replaced", like that could happen! Our relationship has changed but in a good way. I have a feeling that it isn't unusual in the reunion process for siblings to have a hard time integrating but none of them are "children" which I think will make all the difference in the world. I'm in no rush anyway, I want to keep him all to myself, for now! I only wish I lived closer so we could get together for coffee rather than having to plan a long trip, hotel, etc. It is getting easier to leave him as I know I will see him again, or he'll call, but the distance is difficult to overcome and the waiting is driving me All the best.

[kune]

keds
I'm sorry for you and your husband and you are right - he is missing out - oh if only he realised that. I presume this is the only son? Men are such strange creatures sometimes. Most of the time they don't want to share and don't like change. Maybe he thinks he will have to share you and the family dynamics will change (of course they will silly man!!)

My daughter and I are flying to see my son on the 17th of next month. 4 days to fit in soooo much. Our visits are few and far between - like every six months but we can manage to fit a lot into that time. It's the week before his birthday so we will have early celebrations.

I too used to find the leaving very hard. Once there is some trust that the reunion will continue it certainly is easier.

Keep at it - you are doing great.

Ann

[keds]

Hi Ann, yes, only son and grandson on all sides - maybe that's what makes it even harder. Our family dynamics were changing anyway as the girls are growing up and moving on to university - this is just another change - but I'm positive and will do everything to make it work out for my bson and my family. I am thrilled to hear about your visit - 4 days doesn't sound like a lot but I know I cram as much as I can into the time I have. I hope you have a safe and relaxing time together. You've been great in giving me hope for the future!