[keds]

Thanks Jannyroo, I don't know what I would do without all of you. I've booked a suite at a hotel downtown, about 30 minutes from my home. It's Canada Day weekend so they are hard to come by and if he doesn't call or cancels I will take the day and go to the spa and then back upstairs for as much ice cream and chocolate as I can pound back! I know the case worker who contacted me about the reunion said he is very sensitive and that's me all over. I don't know if you've read the other posts but I called him back to give him my daughter's cell phone numbers and I put my NEW phone in my purse and the next afternoon I called him again by mistake! I just got this silly phone and it's not a "flip" phone so if you have it in a case and you hit the side the buttons will push down. I've "called" a few people and been walking along thinking I'm hearing voices! I hope he doesn't think that I phoned and hung up. I'm just realizing how taxing this whole process is and I only wish and pray that he isn't going through the same ups and downs as I am. I hate to think my actions hurt anyone. I'll let you all know when he calls and how the meeting goes. But the waiting is killing me.

[quantum]

Here, let me join you for a second!

Ok, breathe! Now, I think that we finalized my bson coming up to meet us the day before? Maybe two days before? YES it was FREAKING ME OUT! I plan things months in advance!!
Anyway, it was ok. We met in the lobby of the hotel we were both staying in. I had warned him! He got a BIG hug. I think I would have hugged him a lot more or wouldn't have minded more physical contact but it didn't feel quite right? So I just went with that. Of course he got a great big hug when leaving as well.
Now that I look back on it, I feel like a lot of our time together was sort of avoiding eye contact. I think neither one of us wanted to get too emotional. We both are people who are very emotional but we use humor instead. So there was LOTS of joking and laughing, and he gets me! Which is soooo cool.
So we sat in the hotel room, unfortunately due to circumstances it was him and me and the girls (2 and 4) and my husband, but that was ok. We went to a pizza place for dinner. (actually maybe the chaos was a little good for US because we could concentrate on that). Then after dumping the rest of the entourage back at the hotel, we went out for a bit by ourselves. It was just great to hang out together.
Next day we took the girls to the aquarium in Boston and wandered around quite a bit.He seemed shell shocked, but I think a bit of this was being in a big city.

I wish that there had been more, that we could have had heart to hearts and bonded more, but it was still FANTASTIC! hopefully future meetings will be more. Plus I hang onto the 'you're stuck with me now'.

Don't go

[PastorStephanie]

Hearing the emtions from the other side of the reunion is rather comforting! As the adoptee, I felt many of the same fears and had many of the same questions as you firstmoms are writing about! And for the record, having read all of your suggestions about neutral place, being natural, hugging instead of just shaking hands, being alone instead of bringing tons of others into things... all sound right on to me!!

For goodness sakes, Keds, why doesn't he just call!!?? Good luck to you!

[keds]

Hi everyone! My bson called at 6:23 tonight - I was in the middle of a run and couldn't get it out of my pocket but I called him right back. We talked for about 10 minutes, had a few laughs and we're meeting on Monday at 1:00 p.m. I've changed the reservation for the room so we can meet there still (just me and him) and it's funny how we both kept saying "whatever you want, I don't want to intrude". I get the feeling that we are very much alike. I've spent the last 4 days holding onto my phone, checking to make sure it worked, etc. so now I'm moving on to what to wear, etc. Thanks PastorStephanie for helping me see the other side. I really don't think I'd have the nerve to meet him on Monday without all the advice and support I've received on this site. 5 days - it seems like an eternity. My feet haven't touched the ground!

[shash]

Originally Posted by keds

I've spent the last 4 days holding onto my phone, checking to make sure it worked, etc. so now I'm moving on to what to wear, etc.

Keds~
I totally understand the anxiety and all the worries about the little things. I also keeping thinking about what will I wear... what will our first moments be like... introductions and a hug/hand shake etc...who sits by whom... will we order food...and if so, oh gosh, what to order...

Isn't it funny how we think and overthink all of these things. It's probably in hopes of controlling something in a situation where you probably can't predict anything. I just keep telling myself to not worry about it, and keep reassuring myself that it will all work out.

If I'm anxious now I can't imagine what it will be like afterwards wondering when I might talk to him again... will he be interested in staying in contact... aghhh

[quantum]

Horray for Shash and Keds!

Right now I'm a little jealous because I'd love to be planning for the next ftf!

Anyway, even though my bson and I don't have huge amounts of interests in common, we NEVER ran out of things to talk about! And I totally get the 'whatever you want, don't want to intrude' attitude from both sides!
This is nervewracking for them as well! Maybe even more so! We've been thinking about them everyday of their lives and aching for these meetings for a looong time!
Hey, you know what one of the scariest things for me was? I realised I had to be the adult! Since to him, I am! Even though I've got two girls I'm raising, I don't often think of myself as the 'adult' especially not around someone who is! Does this make sense?

And keds, I was a bit stressed about my weight, until I saw pictures of bson's amom and step-mom, neither of them are model types! So I figured, maybe he's used to the mom figure being a little cushy?



I can't wait to read about these reunions!

oh and Keds, congrats on your daughter's graduation...

[keds]

Quantum, I laughed about the cushy part and being the adult. I still expect to get asked for ID occasionally - wishful thinking! My oldest daughter and I are very close and go to movies, etc. together so I too sometimes "forget" that I'm the adult (my behaviour gives me away sometimes as well!). Shash, you are right - I am a bit of a control freak and this is one time I have to realize that I can't control anything! Just go with the flow. I haven't seen pictures of his amom or stepmom but I'm hoping they aren't the Cindy Crawford type but if they are he may be looking for a Bridget Jones - and that's me all over (including the wine and chocolates, although I can cook and I don't smoke!). He's going to call on Saturday to confirm everything and I hope to talk to him Sunday as well so that we have a bit more time to chat before Monday. His girlfriend is moving to a city that's only an hour away so he may be moving closer in the fall (he's now 6 hours away) so we may be able to see each other more often. One step at a time though. First, Monday and then the rest of our lives. Love to all.

[quantum]

You are doing SO WELL!!!

:-)

It will be great.

I think I did freak my bson out a few times by asking if he wanted to get mother/son tattoos...

I was kidding! well mostly...

hmm is there no evil grin smiley??

[shash]

Quantum~
I think you are right, they are probably as nervous if not more nervous than us. And I can totally relate to the feeling that I have to be the "adult", because believe me I really don't feel like an adult. I remember meeting the aparents when I was pregnant and thinking that they seemed older aka: adults... and oh my gosh, now I'm the age they were then. Agghhh... does that mean that I too look like an adult to teenagers. What a scary thought.

[PastorStephanie]

Keds!! I am so happy for you! How amazing and exciting! Monday, huh?? Wow.

Is the adoptee as nervous as the bparent?? YES! Without a doubt! I made a list of things casual conversational starters and then memorized it in preperation of my first f2f... just in case the conversation lagged for any reason (TOTALLY UNNESSARY!! Mostly because a millions members of my afamily were there and they never left us alone... but I am so glad that you went with your gut and are going to meet alone for your first meeting!

The whole adult things is a really good point... I know that so far everyone is kinda kidding about being the adult but that has been an issue for me in my reunion. I really need my bmom to be the adult especially emotionally and often she acts like the child. I encourage you to have the mindset of being the adult and not putting your bchildren into the position of having to be the adult. I don't think my bmom is even aware that she does this but it is really an intense burden to try to carry!

Good luck, Keds, keep us all posted!!

[keds]

Pastor Stephanie, thanks, I am so nervous but it is only in the "getting there". I walk 8 km every day (mostly to keep my sanity) and I've spent the last 10 days thinking and reciting various conversations/topics in my head. I know none of it will likely be what comes into my mind - I think I'll be stunned to see him in the flesh but I am going to concentrate on putting him first and making him feel comfortable. I know he's just as nervous - if not more - but I don't want to disappoint him either. My daughters have already told me not to "screw this up for them!" and my husband is having trouble sorting out his feelings and is likely making him uncomfortable as he isn't ready to meet him (also his bdad). I'm trying to relay to my bson that is due to my husband’s feelings and issues and isn't about him. If he can't get a grip it's his loss! Hopefully, I won't scare him off but I'm going to be as honest and forthcoming as I can. I think my approach is that I do so want him and need him in my life but I'm going into this without any expectations, just hopes. As my youngest daughter said to me “I just want to shout to everyone that I have a brother”. I feel exactly the same way. Also, I have broad shoulders (at least I think I do) so I want him to lean on me or least "dump" some of his emotional baggage on me. I just hope he's ready and willing to do so! I just want to give him some peace of mind. Where we go from here is all up to him. All the best and only 2 more days!!! LOL