[katlyn]

Here it is again....I found my bdaughter a year ago TODAY!!! LOL...that's not the question, her birthday is coming up and I have been messaging back and forth with her for just a couple of months now. We have not discussed her placement and she has yet to ask me any questions...I'm just waiting for her to decide when she is ready. Anyhow, back to my question, I bought her a card and was wondering if I should or shouldn't send her a little something to go with it. I know that she is seriously into all anime and manga art and movies, and is an avid collector. I also saw her post that she has a lot of chokers(or likes them or something...?). I do have a smidgen of artistic ability, should I draw her a picture, that would be unique and one of a kind or do I try to guess and purchase some anime type artwork or movie or choker or what do you suggest? Nothing at all, just a card and a small note? Ugh, I'm totally confused. We don't email, we message via Facebook.com and she added me as a friend...so I have not had the joy of hearing her voice or seeing her beautiful smile close up yet. All I have is in black and white via the computer....any suggestions are welcome...THANK YOU!

[Shoshana]

Do you have her address? If you do, then I think a card and a small gift would be very nice -- I can't imagine that she wouldn't treasure it, especially if it was something that you made, or even that you selected for her. If you don't have her address, then ask her if it would be okay if you sent her a small gift for her birthday!

Have fun!

[katlyn]

I do have her address . Although we haven't had a face to face or an over the phone reunion yet, we have been messaging back and forth, I have an idea of what she likes. However, as with anything to do with reunion and the start of a relationship that will hopefully lead to a reunion, I feel as though I am walking on eggshells. Thanks for your suggestion, I will keep thinking on just what to send .

[Shoshana]

I know. It's really hard to buy those first gifts and to pick out the first cards. I spent hours agonizing over the choice! I knew my first mom had a cat so I selected a small pewter frame with a cat on it and inserted a picture of me -- she still has it on her dresser! Really, even if the gift isn't something that your daughter would have chosen for herself, the fact that you chose it is what's important.

[InionGrinn]

Katlyn, I'm so happy for you! Your intuitive thoughts about gifts sound good...I think I would be bowled over if my mom had drawn a picture for me for my birthday.

When I was trying to come up with something for the first time I met my mom, it was hard to wrap my brain around, but I kept thinking "moms always like homemade presents"....so I made her a necklace. (I make jewelry as a hobby in my free time)

Turns OUT she had been to the mall the day before and had picked out earrings and a bracelet for Thanksgiving...but couldn't find a good necklace...wouldn't you know it, the one I made for her was a near exact match?! Green stone carved beads...

All of That to say, follow your intuition....I'm sure your daughter will love whatever it is you come up with...

[katlyn]

Thanks so much Shoshana and Iniongrinn, I agree, that it doesn't matter what it is, but the fact that it came from the heart!!! I was so caught up in trying to figure out something that I was up at 1:30 in the morning drawing a picture of what I thought resembled my Bdaughter...hahahaha...it wasn't bad, but you could tell it was late when I drew it! She is so very artistic, .....I was too!!!(wish I was able to stick with it like she has ..) If I draw something I have no idea what?? I thought, if I could find it, I had drawn a picture of her, from a still photograph of her newborn pic from the hospital and next to it I wrote a poem. I was hoping to find it by now, but maybe one of her later birthdays I can copy it and send it to her??? Anyhow, thanks again...so very much, you have both been enormously helpful .

[keds]

Katlyn, sorry, late post as I've been away but I wanted to reinforce what the others said. When a good friend of mine was on her deathbed she told me that one of her most treasured gifts was a sweater I had knit her (one of my first and terribly misshapen). The reason, she knew that even though it wasn't as nice as store bought anyone who has a couple of dollars can buy a "perfect" gift but only a true friend, and someone who loved her, would take the time and feel comfortable in making an "imperfect" one. Although the words can be interpreted one way I knew what she meant. I spent hours knitting an Irish cardigan for my birthson and gave it to him on his birthday last July. He thanked me for the gift so I don't know if he really liked it but I know that the time spent in making it was worth it. It's so hard finding the right words, actions, etc. when really I think both of us just want what is best for each other. I wish you well and whatever you decide I'm sure it will be much appreciated.

[amyshaw]

Kaylyn,
I HOPE you can find the picture and poem! I think that would be an awesome thing for her to have!

You said she likes chokers. I had a friend who used to take leather straps, use leather stamps, and make chokers out of them. She also used to take plain cloth chokers and paint unique designs on them. Since you have an artistic streak, maybe something along those lines?

[cnb1099]

Katlyn,

As an adoptee who is new in reunion, I got so welled up reading how much time and thought you are putting into this gift. I had my birthday about 2 months after J located me and she sent me flowers and a beautiful bracelet that I loved, but what i treasure the most was the card, the beautiful card that started with the word "Daughter". Even today I still pull it out and look at it and it helps me to understand how blessed I am to have her as a part of my life again.

I am sure that whatever choice you make, it will be perfect and treasured.

Big hugs to you!