[katlyn]

For those of you who don't know my story, here's as brief a description I can offer. I am a birthmom who's found my daughter, she is 20, soon to be 21, in College, living at home. She knows I exist, I have written to her and sent her three letters since I first found her in April of last year. I found her on facebook.com and sent her a message in mid Feb...I took a leap of faith.... My initial reason was to confirm it was her and to see if she had indeed gotten my letters since I had not received any response.
I never in a million years thought it would open up some sort of communication between us...her responses at first were short and to the point...then got more and more lengthy and she opened up and shared more about her likes and dislikes. The last two responses were more spread out...she waited a couple of days with one, now I'm going on over two weeks since my last reply. I am terrified that I've said something wrong...or maybe she just decided that she doesn't want to talk to me after all. I have sent her two brief messages, just to say hi and comment on her artwork and such. She was on Spring Break and this last week was her first full week of school and work combined...but I know that she has been on the computer, to check out her other site. It's so hard, I used to come on the computer everyday, it made my week just to get one message from her, now that it's been over two weeks I can't bring myself to even touch my computer. This is the first time in two days that I've been on here.... I'm so depressed and hurt and confused, I knew it was going to be hard...I guess I just didn't realise how hard. Should I just wait patiently, or is it alright to ask her if I've offended her??? Should I just send her a quick message once a week to let her know I'm still here and thinking of her. Should I just wait patiently and do nothing??? I knew there was a reason I hated Roller Coasters!!!!!

[lonni]

Our son is 20. He works,attends college and lives at home. He would let me do much of the calling to his Mom (which I do) and then calls her when the mood strikes him!! He is male though,so not sure how that compares.Then he goes through periods of calling her once a week for 3 weeks or so. It is very eratic!! So,I think you should wait a bit and then send her one in a few days. I would not ask if you affended her,because I think it is normal.(unless you said something you specifically feel was possibly offensive)
BTW~~I need to call my OWN bmom,it has been 6 weeks and I had been calling every two.
whoops,she is probably thinking the same thing.
......rut row.....

[browneyes0707]

(((HUGS)))

I think (and I'm judging by how it's gone with contact with DD's a mom) that at first when it's new and you reconnect, the first few days are a flurry of excitement and messages. And then real life steps in. And you are a bit spoiled because the first few days you got responses and then nothing. So you think somethings wrong.

FAR be it for me to tell you to be patient, LOL!!!! I freak out all the time when I don't hear back (and I'm back on the rollercoaster myself, LOL) but chances are she is just busy with real life. Hang in there and I hope you hear soon!!!

[katlyn]

BTW~~I need to call my OWN bmom,it has been 6 weeks and I had been calling every two.
whoops,she is probably thinking the same thing.
......rut row.....

LOL lonni!!! Ok...I feel a little better, but this erraticness is going to put me in a rubber room!!!

I think (and I'm judging by how it's gone with contact with DD's a mom) that at first when it's new and you reconnect, the first few days are a flurry of excitement and messages. And then real life steps in. And you are a bit spoiled because the first few days you got responses and then nothing. So you think somethings wrong.

Brown...That is exactly it! I'm spoiled, and I don't know how to act if I don't hear from her...patience is sooooooooo not my middle name .
Thanks so much, it helps to vent !!! Even better to know i'm not alone .

[angel_island1622]

Hi Kat,
First, take a deep breath, ahhhh. Okay, imo I do not think that you need to worry, send weekly "thinking of you's," or apologize. Yes, you took the risk of reaching out to her, and in doing so have gotten to know some wonderful things about her and even coincidences, how amazing!!!! At this point I would sit tight and be pati.... you know where this is going.

At some point, when she emails you again, you can in a subtle way let her know that the ball is in her court, so to speak (which you already know), but this can spell out for her that you are ready for more contact when she is.

You now have confirmation that she knows you wanted contact, which is part of what I believe you wanted. Now is that hard part of figuring out how this relationship will develop. You both are only weeks into this, and emotions must be so intense. In my opinion, by being calm, cool and collective (no matter how you are feeling on the inside) is what will help to nurture this relationship further.

(((((((hugs)))))))))

[keds]

Angel, great advice. Kat, I'm an "instant gratification" person. My bson and I aren't exchanging e-mails yet, still snail mail. As soon as I get a letter I read it 3-4 times and write a reply the same day. If it took longer than a month for a response back I'd start to get depressed and think that my he has all the info he wanted and wasn't interested anymore. It's been just over a year and I sent a quick card for St. Paddy's day and I got a long letter on Thursday - just over 2 weeks! Also, all kinds of info on his family, girlfriend, job, etc. I'm hoping it is because I was totally honest and have given him pictures of everyone, including his 2 sisters (his bdad and I married 5 years after he was born) and pretty much all our stories. Being patient was SO hard but I'm hoping allowing him the time he needs will help us figure out what kind of relationship is best for us. All the best and I'm watching the clock again!

[katlyn]

quick update...since I last posted, my bdaughter has sent me a new message...) and she has even invited me to be a friend!!!! I was stunned to say the least, I asked if I could add her and she added me, I couldn't be happier. I know however that this is the roller coaster ride of my life and it can go down faster than it goes up... She is doing fine, just busy...PHEW! I am all better now.., thanks everyone for your support and well wishes and encouragement and advice, I have no idea what I'd do without you!!! ((((HUGS))))