[katlyn]

I recently found my bdaughter, she'll be 20 this year. I had looked for her on and off prior to her 18th birthday. Deep down I hoped that she would come looking for me, and my intentions were to make my information as available to her as I could. My fear was that I would intrude on the happy life that she's in and she, as well as her aparents would resent me terribly for it. I made a decision in January of this year to really pour my heart and soul into finding my baby that I had given up so long ago. Well, I FOUND HER! April 10th of this year, one of the angels helping me gave me some information which led me to my best friend of 25 yrs. We lived two houses apart growing up, and come to find out, her aunt adopted my daughter. She has known where my daughter has been all this time and was told that she could not say anything to me because it was against the law. I am still in shock needless to say. Sorry, I guess I got sidetracked, my question is this. Since my daughter is an adult now, how should I go about making my first contact? I feel like I should talk to her aparents first, then go from there, so as not to anger them. However, I was told that by doing this, since she's an adult, it may upset my bdaughter by not contacting her first. Unfortunately, it looks like my only means of contact might be the amoms cell phone, because the home phone is not used and I'm not sure of the address I've been given. If anyone has any advise on who I should try to contact first, please help, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thank YOU!
confused

[healingfeeling]

Yay! Congrats on the progress you've made!

first off let me say that first contact is very personal and I don't think you should go over your daughter's head to her parents. they may not have open minds and they may tell you to go away or tell your daughter not to talk to you.....

bottom line...who do you want to meet?....YOUR DAUGHTER Contact her.

Good luck! I got my confirmed address from intelius.com. It cost me $29...well worth it!

[mamabee]

Kaylyn....I agree....contact your bdaughter. Like you said, she is an adult now...let her make her own decisions once you have made contact..

Congratulations on finding your daughter.....remember reunion is a delicate matter and go slow.

[katlyn]

I hadn't thought about it that way, thanks for pointing out that fact! I most definitely want to speak with my daughter.

[JoEvans]

Originally Posted by katlyn

I hadn't thought about it that way, thanks for pointing out that fact! I most definitely want to speak with my daughter.

CONGRADS!

I reunited with my youngest daughter last August. (She is 17) And we were both excited about the reunion. Yes, we have had our share of "time out" stages. I guess, In a way, I am at fault for her not wanting to talk very often.
Lately, I been a lil upset with her for not showing her parents, adoptive, more respect. Yes, I love my daughter, put if push comes to shove, she should always respect and love her parents, for they are the ones that raised her.
Yes, I gave her life, but her parents ARE HER LIFE!

I have another reunion with my oldest daughter this summer. And we both can't wait.(she is 21)

Best of wishes as you reunite with your daughter. And keep us posted.

[eastendmommy]

Hi Katlyn! First off, congratulations on finding your Bdaughter! That's awesome!

Second of all, I can only tell you what worked for me, and I'm glad it unfolded this way :

I found my son's amended birth certificate and got his new name, but then couldn't find anything else on him...Nothing current...finally found his Amom in another town and decided to call her to try and find out about my son.

At first, she was a little distant (who wouldn't be?!), but as I started telling her of my intentions, and that I had no desire to attempt to "replace her", she warmed up quite a bit. By the end of the conversation, she was willing and ready to take down my name and number to pass along to 'our' son. She wound up being a strong ally for me and a go-between to pave the way for a relationship with my son, and I think it's because I had the guts - and the decency - to go through her first.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do and I hope you get to re-connect real soon!

Hugs, Tammi

[Pinakitha]

Try to find out exactly where your daughter lives and send her a letter. If you are worried about what you should say, I am sure that there are plenty of bmoms here who have had the experience and can help you.

If you would prefer a less direct method, use an "intermediary" as is often done in the UK, this sometimes is more effective than writing direct.

Of course, you need to be prepared for whatever happens. I hope it will be positive.

Good luck.