[SingleasaPringle]

You should sit your kids down and tell them the truth and that it does'nt mean you love them any less.I put my Daughter up for adoption in 1978 and went on to have two more Daughters later I started telling my Daughter when she was young that she had another Sister out there somewhere and that maybe if we were lucky we would find one another some day.And I am happy to report we did.I would rather your kids here it from you.Your Husband is being selfish.

[bmomliz16]

Hi - I haven't been to this site in ages, but decided to try it again.

I've been where you are. My bdaughter contacted me after she turned 16 (two years ago). (This was a VERY private, VERY closed adoption. I just found out her mother's first name two years ago and it was a year before they let me have their address.) Quite a shock and not the scenario I had prepared for at all.

My husband - not the bfather - was just confused and threatened about the situation. My husband and myself worked through our issues and emotions about it FIRST, which took about six months or so. Then we both sat down with our children - 11 and 7 at that time. I needed him for support and also I needed the children to see that we were a united front on the issue. I'm so glad we did it that way, showing unity, we wanted the kids to see that it was nothing to be ashamed of, and that we were still there for them, together. It wasn't easy getting him to that point - believe me!! But we made it, and our marriage is better for it. Plus getting our own stuff out of the way made it easier for us to be strong for our kids.

The hardest part, for my children at least, has come since. Yes, they're extremely happy, but now at the ages of almost 13 and 9, they are wanting to push forward, wanting to meet, wanting her to come stay with us, wanting to call her, wanting to fly to her state. My son is an "all or nothing" personality and my daughter is hurt very easily, so that has been the major difficulty in the whole thing, plus keeping my own feelings in check on top of the whole thing. My bdaughter and myself still only email or snail mail. We send gifts, and she sends gifts too. It's at her pace and I'm comfortable with it and respectful of her feelings. We encourage the kids to email her as well or send her silly little notes or their art work. Sometimes they don't get the response that they want, sometimes they do. It's tough sometimes, but we try to help them understand as best possible.

Two years into this semi-reunion things are just fine, could be better, but could always be sooooo much worse. Sorry this is so long and so late.

Good luck to you!!!!!!
Amy

[jeffery1988]

i HAVE SINCE TOLD MY KIDS. NOT THE WAY I WANTED BUT IT CAME OUT FINALLY AND THEY ARE OK WITH IT. JEFFERY TURNED 18 ON FEB.10TH I HOPE HE DOES WANT TO MEET ME BUT IT'S A WAIT AND SEE SITUATION. AMY

[mamabee]

Amy, you have been given some great advice here and I agree...honesty is the way to go. You will be so surprised at how kids handle things. If you make a big deal out of it then they will begin to wonder too but if you sat them down and explain in an age appropriate manner they will understand and appreciate your honesty.

Now, as far as your husband is concerned, I totally understand and I may have some advice for you in this regard. My husband felt in the beginning that he was going to be replaced at some point. He thought by my bdaughter coming into our lives that so would the bfather. I really don't believe your husband resents your relationship with your bchild but has his own insecurities that need to be addressed. This is scary for all. I am sure you are scared too death. Imagine if you will, if this may be how your husband is feeling. Reassure him and I am certain he will come around and support you. You need this re-union with your bdaughter but you also need the support of your family.