[mitchie40]

My daughter was born 9/11/1981. But I have to go through calculations to arrive at that date. Well, not so much not since this country came under attack. I was praying for my daughter at the time that the twin towers was being hit. But....
I remember that I turned 20 shortly after giving birth. I was born in 1961 so that gives me the year. My birthday is Oct 3 so that gives me the month. I signed papers on Tuesday the 15th. My child had been born the Friday before. And my child was 5 days old. I was supposed to sign the papers on Monday but my case worker had been in the emergency room with a family emergency, I think her kid broke his leg. Anyway so I count backwards. I remember a lot of the labor and delivery though I was so drugged up from 4 centimeters through the delivery. I couldn't remember delivering immediately after. I remember being in a labor room with several other women having some severe cramping that I kept falling asleep between. I fought the drugs they gave me hard. They gave me more drugs at 5 centimeters, the nurse was complaining that I shouldn't be conscience. She gave me more drugs though I felt tears rolling down my cheek and I begged her not to drug me more I wanted to welcome her into this world. The next thing I remember is my daughter being born, the doctor announcing to the nurse (not me) it is a girl. I tried to reach out to my daughter to discover my hands were strapped down! So were my legs and there were straps across my chest and head!
I begged to see her then I passed out. This was Friday morning I woke up Saturday afternoon.
I had circumstances in my life that brought me to this day. I chose to relinquish my child. I actually was planning to end my life when the whole ordeal was over. I for one was extremely grateful for the adoption option.
It still was a choice. It still was the most traumatic day of my life. I had come from an abusive home and had had many hospital stays as a result of. BUT..I have never had a more painful day in my life not before and not since.
I obviously did not kill myself and finally got my life together. I've been through several miscarriages, I've had a serious car accident, I have buried two stillborn children. I watched my son go through hell until he was properly diagnosed as bi-polar....I tell you this because these were very painful events in my life I want emphasize that the day I relinquished my daughter to this day was still the MOST PAINFUL day of my life. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make and even harder to stand by. I wqs allowed to hold my child for one hour. I spent as much energy fighting the urge to take that child and run as I spent trying communicate as much love as I could.
And it was the best decision I've ever made. I knew if I survived my suicidal state what the next few years would hold. They held what I thought they would and more. I'm not sure had I had a child with me I would have survived! I'm sure she would have been one messed up kid! When I left the hospital I had no home, no job, no hope. But something drove me to try. Some how I wanted to survive for my daughter. Whether she ever knew didn't matter.
I remember how every part of my body, mind and soul reacted when I woke up and she was born. I remember how every part of my body, mind and soul reacted to holding her. I still feel the single tear that rolled down my cheek when I signed her papers.
I still have trouble remember her DOB.
Doesn't say anything about how chalus I am or how little she matters. It's just the one detail that eludes me.
Yes I forget DOB

[barnyard56]

Never have I ever forgotten my daughter's birthday. She was born 11:54 a.m., 1/5/67, in Fargo, ND. I've been looking for her for a long time. I don't know what the birthdate is on her adoptive birth certificate and don't know how I'd ever find out. Maybe she's even looking for me (I hope) but I don't recognize the date. I've posted to every site I think is legit - - including those in North Dakota. I don't know if her adoption would have had to have taken place in North Dakota or if it could have occurred in another state. At this point, I just need to get some more money together before the agency (Lutheran Social Services) will do anything. But I'll never give up. I thought I was doing the best for everyone - - especially her, but not a day goes by that I don't miss her. I long to be able to hold her in my arms.

Loving Mom

[StarryNight™]

Hi there, I also heard similar words from my birthmom when she asked me when my birthday was? I was astonished she would not remember the EXACT date. However, in the meantime I have learned that she was forced into adopting me out, it was really traumatic for her and that often times women of that time frame were given a drug cocktail to basically make them not remember much. I on the other hand have suffered a couple of miscarriages and cannot tell you when they occured exactly nor can I remember the months. I can give an approximation as I knew about how far along I was when I miscarried but still without looking at medical records, no clue except for the last one two years ago. So don't be so hard on her. To have a baby taken from you, the shame that was put upon her, the lies/deceit involved it makes total sense to me that she couldn't remember. Just my opinion.

[barnyard56]

Thanks, Starry!

I can understand. A lot of things happened back then. I don't mean to be hard on anyone. I am so glad you have been reunited.

[Decision]

Forgetting a birthdate is very common among mothers who have lost children to adoption, not only was it a very traumatic experience there was also a drug called Twilight sleep commonly used by doctors up to 1960, though uncommon it is still being used today by unethical doctors. here is a link if you are interested;
http://www.obgyn.upenn.edu/History/twilight.html
Some women are unaware of the drugs given to them at the time of birth. I had a very traumatic experience birthing my son, not only was I in labor for 49 hours I too was given so much moraphine I actually had to be woken from a drug induced sleep to push, held down by nurses so I would not look at my child before they wisked him out of the room, not to mention I was given drugs after delivery and did not wake up for nearly two days. I did not forget my sons birthdate but did block the memory of his birth up to four years ago. all this happened in 1988, if you can imagine alot of mothers in an earlier era were subject to barbaric horror's.
You may want to take a look into adoption practices in your era of birth you may find the reason behind your mothers lack of memory.

[katlyn]

I am sure that the trauma of relinquishing a precious gift for someone else to love and nurture could most definitely cause someone to block out that time in their life. As for me, I know this post is an old one, but I remember the exact time and date my daughter was born. I also remember the first time I held her in my arms and the last time I held her in my arms. I dealt with my pain and anguish by remembering her birthday every year and sending up a prayer that wherever she was it was a wonderful day for her. Please don't be too hard on your bmom, I'm sure that it is just part of her way of healing. Just build a relationship based on who you both are today, and what you can be to each other in the future.
Best wishes to you!

[Jackiejdajda]

katlyn .. I hope you find your birthdaughter soon..

I forgot my bsons birthday.. I did it for protection.. I think..

Jackie

[wilted rose]

My bmother was off by three days...early. Perhaps its the emotional trauma she experienced, it never bothered me.
Rose

[eastendmommy]

Rose, in your case, your amended birth certificate could have been altered by 3 days, your Bmom may be right! (It happens).

It is (obviously) not uncommon for women to block out the date in their minds...a coping mechanism...pushed to the dark, cobwebby corners of the brain...

When the child is not around year after year to celebrate birthdays with, the date sometimes becomes foggy over time... Don't take it personally, or be too hard on her for not remembering.

Hugs, Tammi

[bmomliz16]

I was 16 when I gave birth. I knew her original due date was Feb 14, haven't celebrated Valentine's since, but couldn't remember the day or time, always remembered the year. February was just always extremely hard on me, mostly because I couldn't remember and that guilt was just as bad as the adoption guilt. I was told over and over and over to forget it, don't talk about it, it will go away. I was a child, I did what I was told.

[Pinakitha]

I thnk everyone here has already made valid points and I would agree - since there is statistical evidence out there to prove it - that quite a lot of bomoms do "block out" (either consciously or unconsciously) details like dates, times, places etc which have to do with the birth and adoption of their child.

Whilst I do remember the date, time and place of my baby's birth - & just about everything else about the circumstances leading to the adoption - I cannot for the life of me recall actually signing the final consent form. Not sure if I blocked it out or didn't realise what I was signing and its significance or even if someone has faked my signature!

It happens. It's sad but, as others have said, it's not important in the scheme of things.

Yes, do tell your bmom what's on the obc and help her to help you feel happier by sharing your next "birthday" with you.

[katlyn]

Thank you Jackie, I DID find her just a week and a half ago actually. Well I know where she is at any rate, she's been within my reach these past twenty years unbeknownst to me. I have even seen her a couple of times. Long, strange story . Even though I didn't forget, I can certainly see how a bmom could or would try to forget. I spent over two years in therapy to help me cope, but learned that healing just takes time. I have three beautiful babies (g9,b3,b6months)here with me, and I am just praying that one day they will get to meet their big sister.

[kakuehl]

It would be very difficult for me to forget my bson's birthdate. He was born on my 21st birthday! (Of course, sometimes I have to add 21 to my birth year to get the right year.) He was not due for a couple weeks, and in fact the ob/gyn had told me the day before that it would be at least 2 weeks. (So much for medical knowledge.) In addition to the trauma of adoption, drugs given at birth and length of labor may all cause confusion!

I suspect that many birth mothers experience that depression around the time of their child's birth even when they can't remember the exact date.

We all deal with life's cahllenges differently. There's no one right way!

Blessings!
Kathy

[susiesgirl]

my birthdate is june 29 1968 from what my bmom told me and i KNOW that she knows... on my bc however, it says july 31 1968.. i would like to find my bc and have it have the correct date. I know that it was commen practice to scramble things up so a search would prove almost impossible...

[Patty-cake]

I knew my daughter's birth year but I know in some letters that I wrote during reunion I talked about being pregnant in 1969- because that is when her dad and I were a hot couple. I put him in my mental file under 1969 even though when I thought about it later it was 1970 when we broke up for good and I got pregnant. I had completed my highschool credits at mid-term (December 1969). But we were the class of 1970. I didn't go to graduation.

My daughter never called me on my error. I wonder if she noticed.