[Ronna]

Dear ncGirl,
As a birth mother I very saddened and dismayed that after 4 years your adoptive mother feel threatened by your birth mother.
Its been just about that long since I found my son and his adoptive parents were unwilling to support him in a reunion with me. It took me a year to write them a very long heartfelt letter explaining the reason I had placed my son for adoption and why I wanted to reunite with him. I sent the letter register mailed and his adoptive mom signed for it. But, I received nothing back from them except silence, which spoke much louder than words. I had asked them even if they did not want me to ever have contact to please at least give me the courtesy of a reply...but nothing.

I had the pleasure of attending a very dear bmother/adoptee friend of mines Bdaughters wedding a few years back. It was a little awkward for everyone at first. The adoptive mom was very gracious though and included her in some wedding pictures. Even the adoptees half birth siblings (all 3 of them) were in the wedding! A few years later when the bmoms kept daughter got married, her bdaughter and her parents attended this wedding.
I noticed that the adoptive parents were much more relaxed, friendlier and felt more at home at this wedding as time proved that their daughter was indeed still their daughter and they showed the utmost respect for the birth mother. I was so amazed, thankful, and grateful that with a little acceptance and love the adoption triad members can actually help heal one another.

I really believe if you want your birth mother there that she should be there. How else will your adoptive moms fears be allieved if she chooses not to face those fears and see how harmless they really are. I wish you the best on your decision.