My partner and i have a very stable lifestyle; no drugs dont drink and just mostly stay home and spend time with our kids - 19, 17, 15, 10 we very much want to adopt a child. Not only do we not where to start (we are in alberta, canada) but i would like to hear some birth mothers views on what they look(ed) for in their adoptive parents and if you think the fact that we are a same sex (lesbian) couple if we would have been an automatic write off in your decision making ...no offense will be taken please speak the truth.

thank you

[Skye Hardwick]

Hello and welcome to the board,

Well, first of all ...keep in mind that all potential bParents are looking for different things. Some are looking for two parent homes with a mother who will stay at home. Some are looking for a strong Christian family. Some are looking for a family who is artistic. Some are looking for a family who is like their own.

As far as you don't know where to start ..there are many forums on this site that may be able to help you out. Try checking out other boards under the adoptive parent boards, and I'm sure you will find someone how can get you moving in the right direction.

As far as you and your partner being a same sex couple ...hmmm, I don't know really. In my personal decision making, yes, it would have been an automatic "no" - but, I am just one person. There may be a potential bMom who doesn't mind ...or maybe even she was brought up in a same sex home and is looking for that. Truthfully, I think your chances are more slim ...if you want an open adoption - but, I am not a professional. As I suggest above, feel free to check out other boards ..I'm sure someone who knows more about the subject can help you.

I think it is safe to say, however, that most potential bParents are looking for an adoptive family is who real. Someone who is geniune in their "Dear bMom letter". You can usually spot someone who fills their letter with things they think the potential bParents will want to hear. Though tempting, this is very unfair to the adoptive couple, to the bParents, and especially to the child.

Most bParents also look for things like stability, honesty and truth, someone who will keep their word and honor their promises.


Take care,

Skye

[eahollen]

Hello!
You should read "The Kid" by Dan Savage. It is a wonderful story of Dan and his partner and their experience with open adoption. Their birthmother picks them because "they looked nice."
My partner and I are approved in the state of Ohio, and just waiting for a birthmother to chose us. I think that we actually have an advantage over all the other couples, we are different. I look at all the other normal, boring couples who are waiting, and they all blend together. We, on the other hand will stick in a birthmother's mind. Who knows, maybe she will like the idea of two mommies for her child. We realize that it will take a special birthmother to chose us, but since we are looking at open adoption, we are willing to wait for her.

Beth

[mvs218]

Hi. I am a birthmother. I know that when I was searching for adoptive parents I was looking for people who were themselves. They continued with their everyday activities, and did not change themselves just to suit me. I think that is what made things so special at the time. They included me in some of their family outings so I could get to know them better, and it gave me a chance to see all different sides of them.
I speak on panels sometimes for adoptions. And the one thing that the adoption attorney always says is the most important thing you can do when connecting with a birthmother is be yourselves. It will make all the difference in the world.
And I personally would have been fine with having a couple of the same sex raise my child/ren.
Best Wishes to you both and your family.
Margie

[longgreengrass]

I am considering placing a baby for adoption.
I am looking for a stable marriage, college educated or trade school educated, pets, a nice clean safe home that they own, if they like to work to support their family, what kind of jobs they have, if they like to do fun things with their family, christians etc

[reneetaylor]

Longgreengrass - If you don't mind---what is your story? I've noticed you posting on a few threads and just wondered how far along you are and why you have decided to place your child for adoption. Are you getting support through an agency or support group?

Renee

[longgreengrass]

i am using an attorney. i am 5 months along. i came to the decision because i want to accomplish things in life before i have children.

[emiliesfirstmom]

I placed my daughter in a very open adoption last summer, and I looked at a lot of different factors when considering a family for her.

Based on what I've read and what I know from my own experience, I would think that you'd be waiting longer because you're 1) a same-sex couple, 2) already raising four kids, some of whom are practically grown and 3) in Canada. I'm not sure what the adoption laws are in Canada, but my guess is that American women considering placing their babies for adoption are more likely to choose American families.

If you are really serious about wanting to adopt, figure out what level of openness you are really comfortable with, and be prepared to answer a LOT of questions from potential birthmoms.

I personally did not consider anyone with older children, but had I, I probably would have wanted to talk to the teenagers too before handing over my child. So be prepared that someone might ask that. And be prepared to answer "why do you want to adopt, given that you already have older children?"

Emma

[kimmy30]

While there may be many who would not agree with using you for placement I would not let that discourage you. I am birthmom and I took most notice to those who told me about their values, their dreams, thier lifes. I could not stand those who promised my child a mountain.

The family I choose, shared stories of vactions, hobbies, funny relantionships sotires. They talked about thier extended families,the pets their beliefs.

They had different belief than and that was okay, they were on of the only ones that seemd funny, smart and honest. They didnt just tell me what I wasnted to hear.

Let them get to know you through your album.