[Addie02]

I am in a semi open adoption. I think this is very hard. I see my little girl once a year. I get a few pictures around Chrismas and that is preaty much it. I would like to be more open with my little girls birth parents but am not sure how to ask? I am afraid to ask? I am afraid to lose what I have right now? It would break my still very tender heart if they decided to cut contact off completly? I don't think they would do this but that fear is alway hunting me? I guess I am looking for so reasurance and advice.

[Skye Hardwick]

Hello,

So many Birthmothers are experiences the fears that you are right now. May I suggest a book? It is by my friend, Courtney Frey called, "One Birthmother's Emotional Truth" - and it talks all about grieving and so on. Awesome book! You can find it here on this site.

You can also read some of my writing here on Adopting.Org and Birthmother.Com - Click my name to go to my profile, there you will see a link to my homepage. That will take you to my page.

Anyway,

What was the agreement between you and the Adoptive Parents in the first place? Have they given you any hints or signs that they may be open to more openness? Whose idea was it to choose a semi-adoption - I mean, did you decide first that you wanted contact once a year, or did they insist?

If you ever want to talk privately, you can contact me at:

lifemother@earthlink.net


Take care,

Skye

[bromanchik]

I would also like to suggest a book. How to Open an Adoption by Patricia Martinez Dorner. It has a lot of ideas for building a stronger relationship. There is also a book call "Getting Together: Building relationships as we negotiate" by The Harvard Negotiation Project. In reading it I felt it was perfect for building open adoption relationships.

Good Luck.

--
Brenda Romanchik, Director
Insight: Open Adoption Resources and Support
721 Hawthorne
Royal Oak, MI 48067
248-543-0997
toll-free expectant parent/birthparent line 877-879-0669
http://www.openadoptioninsight.org

[faith_amom]

There is a similar discussion going on at the following board:

Adoption Forums>Birthparents After Adoption>Dialogue Between Adoptive Mothers and Birth Mothers>Relationship Help

I think the advice given there might be useful to you.

- Faith