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Originally Posted By Jensboys

We have a fairly open adoption - letters, phone calls, videos and pictures with direct contact between us but our sons' bmom never actually agknowledges the kids. Letters come addressed "Dear Jennifer and family" Birthdays and Christmases are not mentioned - we send tons of pictures for her and practically BEG for pictures and each letter over the years has said that "Sorry about not sending pictures I am just getting them together". The kids are now 6 and 7 and are beginning to interpret this as rejection. I am considering not letting them know anymore when she writes or calls because they get so hurt but if this is going to be their reality with her should I just let it go on? Of note she parented them for 18 and 4 months respectively so its not as if she doesnt know them or have a bond. I would love so much more for the children here and I am secure enough to not be bothered by increased contact - its seems to be a constant decrease on her part as the kids get older.

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Originally Posted By cj

many single moms face the same problems with their childrens fathers. I know i did. You can not change the other parent!! I handled it by NEVER speaking negitively @ him. I aways reminded them that they were loved even when they don't feel loved, or the other parent didn't act loving. Your sons may need to trying to start nderstanding some of the reasons for placment. Was it adiction, mentle ilness??
Let them express anger and hurt.
Above all keep the lines open. With tact and understaning on your part your boys may be able to have a mature, if not even relationship when they are older. Both my girls as adults have learned that they can have a one sided realtionship with dad because it is the best he can do.
Good luck. I know this is hard.
cj

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Originally Posted By birthmom Jamie

Maybe if you send her one of those cameras where you turn in the camera & all for processing she might take some pictures. She may not be able to afford a camera. Just a thought.