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I am a birth mother who went through a open adoption 11yrs ago.I was lucky enough to be reunited with my son a few weeks ago.Let me tell you something it was the best reunion in the world . But now the adoptive mother thinks that I should see him once a year and I do not think this is healthy for him knowing that he wants to be in contact.I dont understand why she would open this door for him then shut it. If any one has any ideas for me help.

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Originally Posted By KSilber

Dear Neice,

Your question is a little unclear to me, but I will offer you some suggestions based on my understanding. You say you placed your son 11 years ago but have not had contact with him until a few weeks ago. We would not describe this as an open adoption. Open adoption means the birthfamily and adoptive family have shared full identifying information and have the opportunity for ongoing contact over the years. Although you define your adoption as open, if there has been no contact for 11 years, the child would view this as a closed adoption.

Now that you are reunited with your birthson, I think visiting with him once a year is a reasonable frequency. Although some families visit more frequently, once a year is not an unusual level of contact for children this age. In this case, since it sounds as though you just met each other a few weeks ago, I would recommend that contact be developed slowly. Visiting once a year would be very appropriate, in addition to letters and/or phone calls in between. It does not sound as though the adoptive mother is closing the door on contact between you and your birthson but that she is encouraging it at a realistic level. If there is a specific reason why you think your birthson wants to see you more often right now, you should discuss this issue with the adoptive parents and see if they are open to more frequent contact. You could also use the services of your adoption agency or counselor for mediation, if necessary.

Best wishes as you get to know your birthson and his adoptive family.

Regards,
Kathleen