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My wife and I adopted our son almost 11 years ago. We've maintained sporadic contact with his birth parents (speaking on the phone, sending pictures, and writing letters approximately every 6 months)over that period of time. The birth parents (who are actually getting married to each other soon)have expressed an increased interest in meeting our son lately, although they clearly indicate that they have our son's best interests in mind. We've always told our son that he'd probably meet his birth parents some day, and he's never really pressed for greater specificity. My wife and I think that he might be mature enough at age 11 to finally meet his birth parents but would appreciate anyone's thoughts on that issue.

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Originally Posted By KSilber

Dear mwein,

As a strong proponent of open adoption, I think it’s wonderful that your son's birthparents want to meet him. You mentioned that you have maintained contact with his birthparents through letters, pictures and phone calls. If your son has been an active participant in this contact and your family has talked openly about his birthparents, I think meeting them will be a part of the natural progression of that relationship.

However, if the contact has been between you, your wife and his birthparents, with your son not very involved, meeting them might be a very big first step. If that is the case, I would encourage you all to meet with a professional counselor who has experience with adoption issues and assess his readiness to meet his birthparents.

When you take your son to meet his birthparents, it is possible he will feel some anxiety about the permanence of adoption – that is, whether he is staying with you. You will want to reassure him prior to the visit and afterward that you are his permanent family and that he will come home with you after the visit.

As you consider this new step in your adoption relationships, it may be helpful to read the book "How to Open an Adoption" by Patricia Dorner. My book, "Children of Open Adoption" also contains a chapter about opening up closed and semi-open adoptions, such as this one.

Best wishes as you enjoy a new level of openness in your son's adoption.

Regards,
Kathleen

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