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my brother and sister were put up for adoption about four years ago and it is an open adoption. the agreement was that i would get to see them 1-2 times a year.Well at the age of 15 i moved out of my grandparents house and moved in with my girlfriend and finally moved in with my fiance'. i am now 17 and will be married in about a year. well the adoptive parents verbally atacked me in saying that my sibling would not be allowed to contact me before their 18 birthdays, because i live my fiance'. i am wondering if because i live with my fiance',if visitation my siter(age10) and my brother(age7) can leagally be witheld?

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Originally Posted By BRappaport

Dear mllssa,

Open adoption agreements are not legally binding in most states, although some legislation has been proposed to make them so. At our Center, we have found that when the birthparents and adoptive parents have gone through a comprehensive counseling and educational program, they are more likely to agree to a relationship they are comfortable with. Problems arise more often when counseling and education about open adoption are not part of the process.

We have strongly supported legislation to make open adoption agreements recognized by law and, therefore, more legitimate in everyone's eyes. Our Center has sponsored this type of legislation for many years, but it has not been passed by the legislature, generally because of opposition from more conservative adoption agencies.

It is unfortunate that your brother and sister's parents are preventing you from visiting with them. It is important for children to maintain relationships with their birth siblings. I would encourage you to stay in touch with your brother and sister as you can; perhaps by sending them letters and photographs of you.

Meanwhile, if you have an opportunity to talk with their parents, share with them how valuable it is for their children to be in touch with their birthfamily. Vera Fahlberg, MD, wrote a book about the needs of children who grow up in adoptive or foster families, called "A Child's Journey Through Placement". In that book, she suggests that sibling relationships are important as children to develop their sense of identity. "Siblings compare themselves to each other, discerning similarities and differences, enhancing identity formation."

Open adoption is an emotional journey for everyone involved, and we feel that it is important for all the parties to honor their commitments for the sake of the child.

Best wishes as you work out these important relationships.

Regards,
Bruce

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