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  #1  
Old 08-11-2011, 12:44 PM
Mom2threeMK Mom2threeMK is offline
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open adoption with sibling visitation?

we have three beautiful babies and because of financial strains are considering allowing the child i am pregnant with now to be adopted... but my babies know there is a baby in mommy's tummy and although i know they would accept that someone else was raising and loving our baby i dont think they would ever stop asking where s/he was. I have been looking for a family that would allow my children to continue a relationship with this child since they are all full siblings. all of the agencies i have talked to stop just short of telling me im nuts and no one will ever do it so im wondering has anyone ever heard of this? is it even possible?
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Old 08-11-2011, 06:34 PM
ruth74 ruth74 is offline
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I don't know specifically of situations. I can tell you that my son's bparents have another child (full sibling); they chose not to have visits (I would have loved to), but we did talk about the sibling issue. They assured me that they plan for their parented child to know about my son. I send updates addressed to the whole family (parents and kid). I imagine I am not unique and that there are other aparents/ PAP's who would love to have visits to include siblings.
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  #3  
Old 08-15-2011, 10:28 PM
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rredhead rredhead is offline
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There are adoptive parents who would do visits. (For the record, my husband and I are two of them.) These are my opinions about adoptive parents in general.

- Many first time adoptive parents are afraid of open adoption, especially visits.
- Many adoptive parents are wary of visits. They may think that visits will make the adoption seem like co-parenting.
- Some adoptive parents may be open to visits, but will not commit to a schedule. I think this is practical - it's hard to commit to something when you don't know what kind of schedule the baby will be on. If the adoptive parents have other children, that adds to the complexity.

In most states, open adoption agreements are not binding. Even in the states that do have legally binding agreements, the most the court could do is enforce visitation. However, usually the adoptive parents get what they want, unless it is clearly not in the child's best interest. Essentially, this means that even if you get a legally binding open adoption agreement that spells out visitation, you may not get it.

My son has 3 siblings. We can't visit them because they live halfway across the country. But we do send them letters, presents, and pictures. His younger sister has "talked" to him on the phone (as has his cousin). We're Facebook friends with his bio aunt and his sister's paternal grandmother (his birthmom isn't on Facebook). I think a lot of adoptive parents, especially ones who are already in open adoptions, would agree to this type of relationship.

I hope this has helped.

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Child #1: Is that your mother?
Child #2: Yes.
Child #1: Why is she white and you are black?
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Old 08-16-2011, 04:33 AM
questioning questioning is offline
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We were presented with a situation with siblings, at least one at home and at least one adopted elsewhere (won't go into more details). We asked to be considered but were not picked by the expectant parents, however we'd have liked to have sibling visits if it had been practical - the issue might have been for us not the distance to the sibling(s) at home but the fact that the adopted sibling(s) were some distance away so while we would happily make a journey to one family it might be hard to have regular visits to both.

So I think you'd find families that are happy with this, it's just the practicalities you'd need to work out.
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Old 08-16-2011, 09:01 AM
millie58 millie58 is offline
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My sibs (2 sets of bio brothers) have and/or had visits with siblings. Scheduling is a problem when they're in school, sports and activities. We also call (when I remember) to call on birthdays and holidays.
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  #6  
Old 08-28-2011, 11:51 PM
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PRAISEMom PRAISEMom is offline
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Yes, this is possible!

We have a great relationship with my daughter's birth mom, her new husband, and their two children. They are being raised to call me "Auntie" and my kids (even my bio kids) refer to birthmom as "Mama Steph." We talk with birth dad and send pictures and such; our daughter calls him "Pop." It's strange to some people, and I would have called it crazy myself years ago. But having lived it, I love it.

There are many other parents out there who will honor the birth family relationship. I have a friend with three kids adopted through the foster care system, three different sets of parents. Even though the birth parents lost custody of their kids under terrible circumstances, my friend keeps in contact with them and the birth families (pictures, and even visits when they're in the same geographical area). On a recent vacation they stayed with another family that adopted two siblings to one of the kids. This is not the only case I know about. There are several families in our church that are in very open adoptions. It is possible.

I agree with the poster who said some people are fearful of open adoptions (I used to be one!). I STILL get well-meant advice from people who think we're crazy to have contact with the birth parents because our daughter will reject us when she gets to be a teenager, and choose to live with them and abandon us. They think she'll want to be with her "real" Mom. But my take on this -- and so far, this is what I'm seeing -- is that my daughter loves us all for ourselves. Love isn't a limited thing that can be used up; it expands to embrace the people it touches.

I agree scheduled things are really tough because life happens, kids are busy, etc. But a relationship is better than a schedule, anyway. There are times when we talk a couple of times a week, then weeks go by when we're all too busy. Birth dad just talked with us for the first time in about 8 months, then my daughter wanted to call him again a couple of days later so we let her. We just take it as it comes.

This is a brave thing you're considering. Don't let any adoption agency tell you you're crazy for wanting your kids to have a relationship with each other. It can be done. It can be wonderful.

Sending hugs and prayers your way,
Ramona
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  #7  
Old 09-01-2011, 11:14 AM
KLL08 KLL08 is offline
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We are another family with an open adoption with siblings! The first year we had several visits with S's big siblings, then her first mom and siblings moved across the country. We haven't had visits, but keep in contact with pictures, letters, presents, phonecalls. I would love to go visit this spring, that's my hope. They have tried coming here to visit as well, but haven't made it out yet. It is possible. I just think agencies probably don't want to tell you they can guarantee it. Best wishes to you and your family as you figure out what is best for you. ((hugs))
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  #8  
Old 09-02-2011, 03:17 AM
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bromanchik bromanchik is offline
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You need to talk to a different agency. Please pm me. I am a birthmom who also trains agencies on fully open adoptions. I may know of one.
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  #9  
Old 10-13-2011, 06:17 PM
Postadoptcounselor Postadoptcounselor is offline
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I agree this is possible and you aren't the only one. I have two adopted daughters and my oldest has a sibling half way across the country. We met her for the first time last Christmas and spent a week with her and BF during the summer. These girls have such a bond no one can replace. They email each other and send cards etc. It saddens me that the rest of the world is misinformed about open adoption and the joys it brings. Many people think I'm crazy to have the relationships I do with our birth families. I say I am crazy not to. There are certainly challenges (no rule book to follow) but they are far outweighed by the wonderful relationships that have formed. No child can have too many siblings, parents and grandparents! Best wishes to you finding an agency that gets it!
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Old 10-16-2011, 06:52 PM
Sunshineprincess Sunshineprincess is offline
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It works well for us. We adopted through foster care and really wanted an open relationship with the parents, other siblings, and relatives. Although the parents aren't yet interested, we do have an open relationship with the relatives, talking/skyping at least every other week and email contact with the adoptive parents of our daughter's sibling. From everything I have read, the more people that love a child, the better. I am sure you will be able to find an agency/adoptive parent that can help you with an open relationship for you and your other children (just call around until you find the right ones for you). Good luck!
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Old 10-16-2011, 07:33 PM
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theLBs theLBs is offline
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Our son has a sister. We've only had one visit so far, and his first mom wanted to come alone. However we're definitely excited for him to meet his sister. In fact, being able to know her is one of the reasons we were so interested in an open adoption. It is absolutely possible!
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Old 10-07-2012, 08:49 PM
LovesDogs LovesDogs is offline
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Have you looked into any of your relatives, maybe they would be open to the idea of adopting your little one?
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Old 10-07-2012, 09:09 PM
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Withay Withay is offline
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This thread is over a year old. Please check dates on posts (just above the user name) before replying.
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