[bethybright]

I am wondering if anyone has ever had experience with a similar situation to the one I am facing.

My dear friend is pregnant with a child that is not her husband's. She is opposed to abortion and does not feel she can go down that path. However, she has 4 children that are old enough to know that this is not their father's baby. I believe if my friend could, she would keep this baby - but her husband feels that they cannot put their children through the trauma. The family is white - the new baby would not be.

In considering her options, my friend has asked me to consider adopting her baby. She is feeling that she may not feel good about adoption to strangers - but that she could live with the decision and know that her baby would be loved and taken care of if I agreed to become her baby's adoptive mother. I have always wanted children - my life has not led me to them on my own. I am 41 years old and single. I have a great job. I am independent and could give this child a loving wonderful secure home.

But I am afraid. I am close friends with this woman - we are practically family. I would assume that she would remain in the child's life. I would want her to. We live close to each other and have been through thick and thin together.

Has anyone ever done something like this and had it work? Assuming the father gives up his rights - which we believe he will - is there a good chance that my friend my want the baby back if her marriage should end anyway? My head is swimming and I am here looking for anyone who has had anything close to this experience.

Thanks for listening.

[TxMom65]

I haven't done this, but I know of someone who was in almost the same situation as your friend. She placed her child for adoption with a family she didn't know. Her marriage has continued but been veru rocky. She grieves the child niight and day.

If you do adopt the child I would predict that your relationship would change with your friend. Your greatest joy would be her biggest loss.
Even though it would be different, I wouldn't advise against it. She should seek counseling before proceeding with anything, and if you move ahead go to counseling together. I wish you all the best.

[Rondidondi]

I once had a close friend that I went to when I was pregnant. I was already a single parent of two. I didn't think I could raise another child on my own.
Her husband and her said they would adopt my child.
My son was born and I couldn't go through with the adoption, I just couldn't, I needed to parent my son.
We are no longer friends, don't even look at each other.
What would you do if she decided to parent?

It's a tuff one! I wish you both all the best!

[bethybright]

thanks to everyone for your thoughts and experience. I appreciate it more than you know! My friend and I are still talking through the complications - we may not proceed - but your input helped me to think through this more clearly.

thank you.