[txhope]

We're not there yet, but I was hoping to get some insight into first conversations with the birthparents. What questions are usually asked (by both sides, birthparent and adoptive), was the coversation alone or with agency personnel...

Our agency acts as the intermediary, but mentioned that they've found that birth mothers usually want to talk to the prospecive adoptive parents over the phone before they make their final selection. I'm clueless on this and don't know what to expect, how do I prepare?

Thanks to anyone who can help.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Our agency had us do a conference call (meaning, agency representative, myself (expectant mom considering placement at the time), and the potential adoptive family). The agency rep didn't do much talking other than make the introductions. I asked the questions that were important to me that weren't covered by the profile. We also talked about upbringing, interests, hobbies and other things you talk about when you're meeting someone new for the first time.

Just be yourself.

[nikkianni]

In our case the agency wasn't involved in the call.
Bmom's mom actually called us and talked to DH. She asked about our family (how close we were, etc.), our jobs and our dogs. She had already seen our online profile so she had a pretty good idea about our philosophies, etc.
Think of it as a blind date. A little awkward and uncomfortable at first but you never know when you're going to have one that has potential.

[zempagirl]

We had a match meeting in which the agency is the intermediary and we talk about all sorts of things from info about us, why we wanted to parent, how we envisioned our childs life, what was important to us in raising a child, what our hopes and dreams our for the child, how we envisioned the bmom being involved in our childs life. We also found out about the bmom from where she was in her life and what her hopes and dreams were for our child. I liked the fact that I had a face to go with the bmom, so I would hope that you would have a face to face meeting as well. Good luck!

[txhope]

Thanks to all of you for responding. I'm not so good at blind dates, in fact, I don't think I ever had one! I also haven't had to interview for a job in about 9 years, so no experience there either. I'm working myself up over something that probably won't happen for awhile, but I'm nervous. My husband is much better at things like this, I don't think he's ever met a stranger. I just see it as something so important. Thanks again!

[HBV]

If you haven't read it already, the thread just below this one has some questions/topics---probably most for later in the relationship, but some that might be useful to consider for this first conversation.

[lahdh4]

With my first converstaion with Supergirls parents we ended up talking about dogs. They had 2 at the time and I had grown up with dogs and always loved beagles. I even had one growing up. So our first phone call was simple. When we met in person a few days later it was much tougher but we were able to get through it and my ex and I were able to make a decision just from that.

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by txhope

We're not there yet, but I was hoping to get some insight into first conversations with the birthparents. What questions are usually asked (by both sides, birthparent and adoptive), was the coversation alone or with agency personnel...

Just a small point. The parents are not "birthparents" until the relinquishments are signed. While many agencies use this terminology, it can be subtly coercive and assumptive.

I would ask her what her hopes and dreams are, both for herself and for her child, as well as favorite things, light stuff.

[srhbj]

I have run through my mind several times also what to say or what it will be like to make contact with our birthmother. I'm hoping to have a very open relationship with her, but it's a very scary thought. My husband and I have wanted another child for so long, that I think our fear is that we will say something wrong and jeapordize our chance as well. The unknowns are so intimidating. I can say, however, that we have been given the same advice by many, to just be ourselves, and if it is meant to happen, all will go smoothly.
I've also been told not to think about what that initial meeting will be like, but to just let it happen naturally. It's very hard though not to think about what you will say, or how things will go, when you've been wanting another child for so long.
This has been one of the most exciting, yet emotional times in our lives. We just can't wait to match up with someone and share our little one with both families.

[txhope]

Thank you all for responding, we really appreicate it.

srhbj~ you did a better job summing up our emotions than I did!