[ingi]

Hello,
4 years ago we embarqued in the adoption process.
About 1 year later we became parents to a 2 day old little girl.
We had from day one asked for an open adoption and unfortunatly that did not happen.
Birthmom decided otherwise when she placed baby.
So 2 days before our daughter tuned 3 we received a phone call from the adotopn agency informing us she would like to know how our daghter was doing.
When she was about 6 weeks old we left a package for her at the agency with a letter and some pictures.
Once they informed us of the situation they called her and one hour later she was at the agency to pick up the package.
She thanked them and walked away, they told her that we would love to meet her and for her to have some type of relationship with our daughter.
She cried and became very emotional and told them that she did not think anybody would want to talk to somebody "like her".
She stayed at the agency with a counselor to help her through this process and agreed to write us a letter and tell us about herself.
A meeting is planned after that...

So to you adoptive parents and birthmoms I ask to shead some light on what to expect and what your feelings were when you went through this.

Thanks

Ingi

[Leigh131313]

Gosh, I don't know!! We were fortunate enough to have a relationship right from the beginning, so we didn't go through what you are going through now.

Have you thought about getting together - just the two of you first? It might shed some of the stress which i would think would be better for everyone especially your child.

I hope you'll keep us posted - hopefully you'll get more responses with better advice!!

[bromanchik]

Sounds like she is dealing with a ton of shame... i.e. not feeling "worthy" to be in your lives. All the more reason to welcome her with open arms.

[ingi]

Well king of...
Our first meeting will be just her, her mom my husband and I, just so we can get some of the emotional stuff out of the way.
Then she will get to meet our daughter in a playroom at the agency.
She placed her daughter because this baby was not from the same father and he did not want the child.
Although I am not a 100% sure but I think he is no longer in the picture so her guilt must be soooooo heavy.
I hope that seing "our" daughter happy and healthy will make her feel a little better.
Thanks for your advise
God Bless