[loveajax]

Actually, JGarrick, I had't thought of it in terms of IF ASKED and I think I would agree with you about that. I mean for us as a parents, there were certain "deal breakers," and if that was one for an expecting mom, she certainly would have the right to know (and presumably would ask about it). I was thinking about it in terms of "volunteering" it from the get go.

Btw, RTS, good luck to you and your wife!!!

[ssshhh]

I am a bmom.
I chose my bdaughters parents through a letter.
I am also prochoice but I honestly do not think I would have wanted to know that information.
I wanted to know that my birthdaughter was going to grow up in a home that had two loving parents. Who loved each other and could share that love. I also wanted to know their view on God (if any), the way they felt about discipline and about their family.
I had 3 letters in front of me from 3 different sets of aparents wanting to adopt. They were all great families but the one that kept sticking with me was from an adad that said he once surprised his wife with furniture tables that he had made by hand.
I chose that family. Maybe because my own dad had done that for my mom and it showed a caring giving man.
So you never know what is going to stick out in a bmoms mind.
My birth daughters parents are both great parents.
I still do not know about their infertility issues and it has been eighteen years. I just knew they wanted to be parents and could not biologically. I am so HAPPY that they chose adoption!

[Mokeokuk]

Oh heavens, I'm with you. This was a choice that was made when she was young, I'm guessing. I'm glad that my birthmoms (two adoptions, two seperate birthmoms) didn't ask me what my views were when I was young. What matters is NOW. What type of parent do you feel you will be? That's the real question on their mind and heart. I dunno, personally, I think it's a private matter, not to be shared, unless you cannot live with yourself if you don't. It may or may not make a difference to the prospective birthmom. I must say, I never went back and pulled out any of my "regrets" from my childhood or late teens to twenties. What purpose would that serve? I supposed I could have been more forthcoming, opting to bring up my decisions I made in my younger years. I was a smoker. Once, when I was 17, I drank alcohol at my cousin's wedding and got "tipsy". I was a lazy student. . . I'm sorry. . .I just don't think that is what a birthmom is interested in. I would guess it's more like. . .who are you now, how will you raise this child, are you going to give this child a stable, loving family. And as far as "dismissive", from an earlier strand, oooh, yes, I thought that post had a very dismissive flavor.

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by rts1969

In our hearts, we truly feel it isn't relevant how we will be as parents.

We don't think providing that information in our profile will be helpful, it will just be too easy to dismiss us for consideration out of hand.

Than that should be their right. Perhaps the expectant parents are very pro-life. Finding this information out later may feel like their trust was betrayed.