[Persephone76]

I'd like to know how your open adoption is. How open is it?

We are hoping to adopt in Jan. The PBmom lives in the same small town as us. I even know her from a few years back.

We are planning an open adoption because we know what DH mom went through with trying to find her birthparents and siblings.

So I want to know how other people do their open adoptions.

There are also two bio siblings who are with the mom.

[loveajax]

First of all, congratulations!!

We also have an open adoption, but our DD's birth parents live about 50 minutes away from us. We met the birth parents a few times before DD's birth and were in the L & D when she was born! It was amazing.

DD's birth mom has my cell phone number and calls occasionally. We provide quarterly updates and pictures and have a yearly visit (we actually "on our own" had a visit when the baby was 6 weeks old).

Sometimes I actually wish we had MORE contact, though I can imagine it might feel a little odd that you guys will be in the same small town too. In any event, you will make it work! Good luck.

[ChristieS]

Ditto to the Congratulations! YAY! I hope all goes well and smoothly. We are also from a small town and of course everyone knew everything very quickly. When the bmom first signed a withdrawal of consent and then led us into a legal nightmare we were "forced" to move to a larger town neighboring us. It is still somewhat sensationalized here - but not as badly.

The bmom was a juvenile and seemed to enjoy the attention - but all we wanted (and still pray for) is a peaceful, quiet life.

I hope for you a smooth, peaceful, loving adoption.

Best wishes,
Christie

[HBV]

Well, of course all open adoptions are different, and you'll wind up working out what works for you and for your child's birthmother. Our experience has been a pretty easy one. We're in a medium sized city, bmom lives w/ her parents in a suburb about 20 minutes from our home but doesn't drive. We see her about once a month,either at our home or out at a restaurant or park---sometimes I take her with me to get a manicure. We e-mail and talk on the phone in between. We had a quick placement, and no one had any real idea of how much contact was going to be comfortable for everyone, so we left it pretty fluid.

At first, her parents wanted more contact than I felt like I could manage---not because I don't like them or the idea of an open arrangement, but because it got very difficult to manage the time, they'd want to stay 2 hours at a shot, or they'd call in the evenings (I HATE to talk on the phone.) That's tapered off now.

We go to their important family events (bmom's graduation) and they came for H's baptism, Christmas Eve, a special mass that our local Catholic Charities (agency) did for birthmothers. They'll be at his first birthday party this weekend. We give her birthday gifts, and I'm sending her flowers on H's actual birthday with a "thinking of you" card. It sounds like a lot, but I always think of it like acquiring in-laws---you'll probably have some regular contact and celebrate some special occasions together in some way.