[juliebot]

Actually, I'm just joining this group and this is my first post. You asked if the bmoms send anything for the birthdays of the aparents. Our son's bmom sends me 2 dozen roses and an ecard for my birthday every year. I think that's incredibly nice of her. She sends my husband an ecard for his birthday and sends gifts for my other two kids for their birthdays. I send her roses and a card for her birthday as well. She was only 15 when our son was born. I remember her making a big deal of her 16th birthday too. We did get her a nice gift for her 16th, because it is such a milestone. We got her a graduation gift as well when she graduated from high school. (and we attended her graduation) We do have an unusually smooth relationship with her and her family and we are very grateful.

(Bio mom to one, Amom to two, one through domestic and one through international adoption.)
www.journeytofamily.com

[bromanchik]

Bug-and-BearsMommy, did you ever send the card? Seems to me it's that time of year again. How did it work out?

[joelynn]

We're in a semi-open situation...everything is sent through the agency...anyway our bmom's birthday is very close to mother's day so I try to send a card. I haven't been that good in recent years but I do try. I most definitely send a card around Christmas with new school picture and any other pictures from the year. Sometimes I get a response back and others I don't so I don't know if she is getting the stuff or not.

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

Well, it is time for one one of her 6 x/year so I will send her a letter and photos. She ended up on the run again last year just before her b-day, but we had made a card and sent it to her after she was found again...with an update and photos.

[Boulderbabe]

I totally feel your pain. I really do.

I try and send cards and small gifts to my son's bmom. She's his mom, and I want them to be in contact, so making a warm relationship is really in my son's best interests. I do it for him.

But sometimes the whole process really makes me feel bad. I don't think she thinks of me as a person at all (and she's 23 now, so certainly old enough to). She never, not even once, has asked me how I am. She has no interest in my life, and surprisingly little interest in the details of our son's life. After four years, I do not think she cares one ounce about me. She's not angry, just indifferent.

I know that she's not required to care about me at all. But honestly, if you're going to build a relationship with somebody, it's hard to do it if they treat you basically like they'd treat the lawn or a concrete wall. For her I'm not a person with feelings, too, but just a part of the landscape. For me to keep caring about her life events, while she treats me like nothing at all, is getting harder and harder. I try to think of it as a symptom of her emotional disability, but it's just getting more difficult to drag myself to the phone or to the mailbox time after time.

Sigh.

[zempagirl]

I think that the birthmom is too self absrobed and that has a lot to do with her age. I think a card a photo on her birthday would let her know that you are thinking of her and that would probably mean a lot to her. I think that things will get better as she gets older and realizes how much time and commitment it takes to raise a child. I applaude you for thinking about the birthmom even though it seems like the adoption is one sided right now. Good luck to you!!

Deb

proud mom of 11 month Aiden