[mom2GRLC]

some use "God" some use "Ethics" it's all a matter of opinion and everyone has a right to their own!!!

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Does that mean there is no logic?

[rose32542]

[I would really like to hear some logic other than the bible says so. What justifies the risk? Want?[/quote]


The indivdulas involved in the situation themselves decide if it is worth the risk, if the risk is justifiable. As intelligent, thinking beings, excersising freedomm to use techniques that are available and legal. I could not presume to tell another adult not to do something becasue it is too risky. Many things adults do are risky. Many may be unneccessary or unwise in my opinion, which is why I won't do them. I am not in a position to decide what is an acceptable risk for another adult.

[rose32542]

Healing Feeling: "Does anyone care about the child in this situation?"

Yes.That is the point. THe child in question is wanted and loved already, just as I wanted and loved all of my children before they were born. My oldest son for those seven years of infertility, my triplets for those two years of searching.

HF: "They are being created in order to be given to another family and so that someone can experience pregnancy and childbirth..."

He/she would be created because a loving family wants a baby. My children were conceived/adopted for no other reason than I wanted a family. And, yes, I also wanted the much down-played experience of pregnancy; I also wanted the experience of adoption. A child *should* be created with a place saved for her in a family.

Also, the child will not be born and then "given away." He will be born into the family that will raise him.

HF: "where does God say that is right?"

Where does God say this is wrong?


HF: "its kind of like when someone has a baby just to save the life of another family member with her stem cells or blood..."

Not the same at all. The child is being created and valued for his own intrinsic worth. She is wanted. No one is talking about creating this baby for "spare parts," or for any other reason than that of any child a parent either tries to conceive or adopts. Yes, this child will enhance the lives of the parents, but so does every child who is wanted. So children should only be born if their existence will mean nothing to anyone? I wish every child born were seen as an asset in their family!

HF: "where is the child's choice in this situation?"

As far as I know, no one chooses to be born.


HF: "i don't know any birthmothers who have a child soley for the purpose of giving it up for adoption...it seems that is usually a last resort decision and when they are handing over their child i'm don't think that the majority of them feel wonderful about it."

I didn't say they have a children for the sake of placing them with others, or that they feel wonderful doing it. I said that it is wonderful for those of us who adopt them. I was pointing out that it is inconsistent to say that to give a child to someone else through adoption is wonderful, but that it is wrong to choose to donate an egg to someone else's family. That it is ok for us to profit from the pain a woman who surrenders her child goes through after an unexpected conception, but not for to accpet a donation of an egg that is desn't have to be given.

So, again, if it is unintentional, if a woman becomes pregnant and, as you say, places her child for adoption as a last resort, it is acceptable; if a woman thoughtfull goes about creating a life, and receives a loving gift that allows her to do it it is unacceptable. What you are saying is that if a person gets pregnant without meaning to it is ok for the child to be given to other people, but it is not ok for someone to donate an egg *because* it is thought out and intentional?


HF: "this thread has nothing to do with IVF with your own eggs...."

But if adoption is as legitimate as a choice as pregnancy, and all of us adoptive moms will tell you it is, then a child's genetic history doesn't matter, insofar as her being a legitimate member of the family. If IVF as a procedure is acceptable, why is someon'e donation of an egg less acceptable? After all, a woman using her own eggs would be doing so for the sole purpose of giving herself a family and the experience of pregnancy.



HF: "I was just trying to help the OP see how the child may view this later in life when they begin to see their identities more clearly....I can only speak for myself as an adopted person, I didn't know how much my adoption had affected me until my 20's...Most of the amom's on here that post regularly have small children who do not voice their concerns or innermost feelings."

I find your insight very helpful. I have thought over and over about how my sons' adoptions will impact their perception of themselves and their place in the family. I am and will do everything I can to celebrate their uniqueness. I find the way they came into our home to be every bit as miraculous as my oldest son's conception and birth. As you can see from my posts in these forums already, I love to tell the story of how I found my little angels, and how very much they mean to me.

I know that even in the most loving families a child who is adopted may experience some feelings of pain or alientation, and this may be true for those who are conceived with the help of donated sperm or egss, but I have to also say that there are plenty of us who were not adopted, who were conceived "the old fashioned way," who are also alienated from our families and even parts of ourselves, who question if we have a place in our families, and have plently of angst over our relationships with those we call father, mother, sister, and brother. Those feelings are not exclusive to people who came into their families in less traditional ways.

[whitsunday15]

Did anyone see CSI last night? It was a re-run episode where a woman tried IVF but it didn't work. So she allowed her eggs to be adopted. One of her eggs was brought to term. The mother of the woman who donated her eggs, killed the woman who bore the child, so that the child could be with his biological mother.
It made me think.