[voodew1962]

Hi All,

Me and my wife are curremtly involved in an interstate adoption of my wife's first cousin's daugther's child. The ** has already lost custody of two other children due to neglect. The baby was taken from her at birth. We are finally at thye stage where a Judge is to transfer the baby to us. The social worker has indicated that the Dept. will push for TPR. However, she believes the ** attorney will fight for an open adoption. Does anyone know if we have to agree to this. We fear that if we don't the Dept. will find another party that will be more agreeable. We don't believe it is in the best interest of the child to have the ** in her life. Being a family member the baby will not lose her identity and heritage. She will know her grandfather, siblings, uncles and aunts, and cousins. Should we consult a lawyer?

[crick]

Just a quick note to let you know that our system automatically stars out the initials b & m when entered. We do this because those initials, while common in the adoption world, can be offensive to birth moms as the initials also stand for bowel movement.

To avoid this, just type out bmom or birth mother etc.

Thanks!

[timni]

I know the thought of open adoption is scary. However, I would like to suggest to you that you do some reading on this sight and in books on the positive effects of open adoption on the child. Yes it is more work for the parents and it isn't always feasable but if it can be done it really helps the adoptee. Just my 2 cents.

This is from an amom in an open adoption. We have had our challenges but all in all it has been good.

[ourdreamcametru]

Our adoption started out with our sending pictures and updates a few times a year. We soon decided that even though our bmother does not have the lifestyle we approve of it would be best if we opened our adoption up just a little. We visit once a year with "E" and her family at a local resturant for two or three hours and then we are done. We feel like it will be best in the long run if we keep contact open and do it from the beginning. If we feel like things change enough in "E's" life we may open the door to more visits but right now once a year works for all of us. Remember it may be work on your part but in the long run, what would the child have wanted?

[HBV]

I suspect the fact that you're family may be given more weight than whether you'd agree to what is (in many states) an unenforceable agreement to allow contact, so I would tend to doubt the dept. would care about that (though bmom might very well care.)

I agree with the other posters--- read up on open adoption and think more about this. Open can mean a lot of different things---some folks consider regular photo exchanges and updates w/out visits to be open. Also consider that the child's best interest as she grows up and the bmom's circumstances may warrant some contact later. None of us can predict the future---be cautious, certainly---you know the situation better than we do, but be open to the possibility for change.

[lisa in venice]

If you are concerned about the actual logistics of contact you can have it be supervised or thru an intermediary. Sense she probably already knows wehre you live I would be verymproavtive about arranging that. Set up a liberal timetable of calls, photos and supervised visist that can be modified if needed. Since neglect has been an issues I assume drugs or mental illness are problems and I can understand why you would want to keep some distance. In most adoptions handled by the state they not only allow that but encourage it so I wouldn't worry so much.

lisa

[munchkinwoman]

if you are afraid of open adoption with this particular birthmom there is one option of saying no to this adoption situation or you could say yes and meet the birthmom in a public place like a resturant or park or even ask for supervison open adoption.