[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

I just received an e-mail from Bear's bgma. His mother has not seen him since he was 3 months old and we have not heard from her since then either. She requested an open adoption agreement, but has never followed thru on her part at all.

Today I get an e-mail that says "I thought you would want A's address. Here it is. She sent me a Mother's Day card today and know she misses Bear too." SO, I am getting the feeling that she basically is asking us to send bmom a Mother's day card. Am I wrong for feeling that it is extreemly tacky?

The thing is, I was wishing I had a way to contact bmom, but I am really bugged by this. She has not made one effort to see, write, or even e-mail us in regards to Bear, yet we should send her a Mother's Day card! I also feel that bgma is trying to reinforce bmom being "Mommy"...since she has all but denied my role in Bear's life. We have honored this open adoption with his gma for HIS sake, but there is a part of me that is tired of these selfish games and one way street. GRRRRR!

Thanks for listening.

[SchmennaLeigh]

While I agree that it wasn't the most tactful way to go about things, she's looking out for her child the same way the rest of us do, I guess.

[iwrite]

Email her back, tell her thank you for the information and to have a wonderful weekend and just leave it at that. If the bmom and you had an open adoption agreement and she never followed through with it, hadn't seen him in months and didn't even give you her address - I would think that would mean that she doesn't want a mother's day card.

Just my opinion!

[coco46]

You know what? I would feel bothered, too.

But most likely, the bgma is looking for a "tactful" way to give you this info, and that's what occurred to her.

My advice? Send a couple cards to Bear's bfamily. Some flowers if you feel up to it.

Send them a really nice letter about Bear. Use all the terms you want used about you. Talk about nice stuff you know about them, maybe.

And Happy Mother's Day. You deserve it, too