[melliemoo]

Hi there!

DH and I are very thrilled about pursuing an open adoption. For those of you who have birth parents that live in a different state from you, how do you handle visitation? We are talking about two states too far apart to drive (Texas to NJ), and the potential birth mother wants two visits per year (we aren't matched yet, just trying to figure out how it works). We are totally fine with that, but I was wondering how the logistics work out for those of you with this type of arrangement.

Thanks!

Melissa =)

[JoEvans]

My youngest daughter lives a few states away from us. She lives in Ohio and we live in NC. When we reunited, we drove up there and visited then brought her back with us. Her parents came and picked her up and we visited again.
I guess the way we chose to pick out this arrangement, helps both sets of parents know how each others living enviroment is like.
My youngest is planning on visiting again after she graduates High School.

My oldest daughter lives in WA and I am planning on visiting with her this summer. But we are meeting on mutual ground. (another state) She wants to visit with both family and friends that she went to school with.

I am hoping that next year, my oldest can come out and visit the same time my youngest is so they can have their reunion.

Best wishes on finding the best way for you.

[wlbooklady]

Hi!
Our older son's birthmother lives in TN and we live in VA, so we visit once a year, usually about a 4 day visit. We would be open to her coming up here once a year as well, but so far she hasn't been able to afford it. We offered to pay all expenses once she gets here -- she can stay with us, wherea we have to rent a motel when we visit her -- but she just can't make it here. Early on, we paid for a plane ticket for her to visit, but when she cancelled at the last minute and we couldn't get a refund, we decided that was the last time we'd do that. We'd really love for her to come for a visit, but aren't willing to foot the bill for two trips a year. I don't even see most of my biological family that often.
My younger son's adoption is semi-open, but his birthmother lives in the state, about a 4 hour drive, though. Hopefully she'll be comfortable with a visit at some point.
Hope this helps! I often see the advice posted: "Agree to the minimum you're comfortable with -- you can always do more."
Wendy

[SchmennaLeigh]

We visit, on average, four times per year and we live 800ish miles apart. It helps keep our lines of communication well established because we have to PLAN our visits. For example, we have two this summer and one in December with our fourth all ready having happened in January. I saved up my money and bought my ticket for August a few months ago. It takes planning! But it works! (We're driving in December.) There are no sudden "drop ins" from either family. And we keep in touch via email/phone in the mean times. We switch off and on travelling back and forth so one side or the other isn't over burdened with travel time and financial issues.

Hope that helps!

[Free_to_be_me]

I live about 3000 miles away from my birthdaughter and her family. We visit about twice a year. I usually fly to where they live (all of my family and friends I grew up with live in the same state, I am the one who moved across the continent.) Usually I visit all sorts of people for about two weeks and hang out with my birthdaughter a couple times during my trip. I usually stay overnight a couple times. I am visiting them in a couple weeks and will be spending one night, then going and hanging out with other people, then going back for another three day/two night visit.

She and her dad came to visit me once for a couple weeks. It was interesting because I have a teeny tiny cabin and it was really hot so I slept in a tent and they slept on the floor in the living room/dining room/kitchen. We had a blast, though.

They paid for their transportation up here and I always pay for my transprotation down there. Usually, when I stay with them they pay for everything (meals is about all) but we usually eat at home and do mostly free things.

[melliemoo]

Thanks for all the input! Unfortunately, that match fell through, but we are matched with a baby boy due in TN in September and this will definitely be an open adoption with visitation. So we'll have to work it out somehow!

Melissa =)