[jaenelle]

DH and I are in the homestudy process for a domestic, open, newborn adoption. We are open to any race, and were given an estimated timeframe of 3 to 6 months once homestudy is completed and our profile is being shown to prospective birthparents. I know it's only an estimate, and I was curious as to how long others who were open to any race had waited or are waiting. So, how soon were you matched? Did you have any failed matches, or did your first match work out? How long did you have between match and birth? I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much, but it sure would be nice to have a quick match and no failed matches. Our agency has been open for 6 or 7 years and she's only had one failed match in all that time so our odds seem pretty good, but I can't help but worry.

Thanks!

[sarahbunny]

We were approved and waiting in the waiting families book in November 2005 and were matched at the end of March. So, about...5 months? We were open to anything, but that is a rarity at our agency. The statistics we were told were there are 68 families in the book, they place about 45-60 babies per year. But only 10 - 15 familes are open to all races and half the babies they place are of mixed race or a race other than Caucasian. So, those families tend to turn over rather quickly. Average wait for a caucasian baby was 18 months.

Now, it is hard to say whether your wait will be 3 - 6 months or longer. It would depend a lot on how many families there are, what the potential birth parents are looking for, etc. Plus, even though we were open to any race, we were matched with a caucasian set of birth parents. The whole thing is hard to predict...

Good luck though!

[taramayrn]

Originally Posted by jaenelle

. Our agency has been open for 6 or 7 years and she's only had one failed match in all that time so our odds seem pretty good, but I can't help but worry.

Really? I am not doubting you, but somehow find that hard to believe...

Anyways, best of luck!!

[AwaitingBeloved]

I was surprised by the one failed match, too.. that's actually a red flag I would think. However, it's possible they meant failed placement. Even that, seems very low.

(Not to be the voice of doom). ;-)

We were open to any race and were told something similar for the wait to be matched. I can't remember now, something like up to seven months for a match and then an avg of 4 months after for the placement, so the process would be an avg of 11 months.

We had a few failed matches. We had our first one before we were officially done with our homestudy, but one we had to walk away from for our own reasons. (Financial issues).

We had started developing a relationship with an expectant mom over the phone in September. I remember, it was Sept 14th, it was the 10 year anniversary of when DH and I met that we talked for the first time. We talked a few times, then she dropped off the face of the earth. She was due March 4th.

We finally accepted I think in Nov ish that she wasn't coming back. Holidays were very difficult, we had imagined (blissfully ignorantly) that we'd be parents by Christmas. When December started and our failed match was so raw, I began asking DH if we could just quit. If we could decide to be childless and just move on, I didn't want to keep going through these losses. He wasn't ready yet. We agreed we'd wait one more year, when our agency fees "expired" and we'd revisit that discussion then.

Mid December we hear about B & K. We talked to them a couple of times. The days between calls were eternity and we thought many times they had decided not to make an adoption plan. As it was, they had told us from the first call they were only "thinking about adoption as an option" at that point.

They called us on New Year's Eve to tell us they decided to move forward with this plan, and to place their little girl with us when she was born. (due date was March 5).

We were on eggshells. Thought for sure it would fall through again. Met bparents (pbparents then) a couple times, and their extended families. They were all very kind people. We toured the birthing center with the bmom. This day was the day that I began to believe it would happen, but still had the nagging fear it wouldn't.

There were some bumps along the way, with the agency which bmom and I had to smooth out on our own at times. The agency did end up being very helpful, but at times, seemed to be working against all of us.

Anyway, DD was born March 6th. Bmom asked me to stay in her room with her, and I did the two nights she was in the hospital. DD was discharged to us. She'll be 7 weeks tomorrow!! ;-)

From start to finish, DH and I met with the agency director for an info session/orientation meeting on Feb 13, 2005. Started our homestudy in March, finished it in May, and were finally parents the following March. From homestudy to placement was about 9 and a half months.

It felt like eternity. ;-)

Being open to any race may decrease your wait. (oh, btw, we were matched with a CC baby, so being open to any race didn't make things any faster for us... )

If you have funds where you can pay extra fees will decrease your wait.. we passed on a few potential matches because of living expenses or other financial reasons. There was one that personality wise sounded would have been a good match for us, but the agency that our agency was working with on that one required an additional $18K fee! We just didn't have it. That was hard turning down. Felt guilty in a weird way.

We didn't have the funds for any extra fees, be it living expenses, "sister" agency fees, whatever.. we passed on what we had to pass on. And we still ended up being placed relatively quickly (though, while you're waiting, it's never quick enough, is it?)

HTH

[jaenelle]

Originally Posted by taramayrn

Really? I am not doubting you, but somehow find that hard to believe...

Anyways, best of luck!!

Well, that was my understanding of it, at least. Maybe I'm not clear on what she really meant. We called some of the references she gave us and they said that they had several failed matches with other agencies and none with her agency.

I guess everything will work out the way it's supposed to, whatever that means for us.

[jaenelle]

Originally Posted by AwaitingBeloved

If you have funds where you can pay extra fees will decrease your wait.. we passed on a few potential matches because of living expenses or other financial reasons. There was one that personality wise sounded would have been a good match for us, but the agency that our agency was working with on that one required an additional $18K fee! We just didn't have it. That was hard turning down. Felt guilty in a weird way.

We didn't have the funds for any extra fees, be it living expenses, "sister" agency fees, whatever.. we passed on what we had to pass on. And we still ended up being placed relatively quickly (though, while you're waiting, it's never quick enough, is it?)

HTH

We don't have a lot of extra money either, so we won't be able to pay a lot of extra expenses, medical, living, whatever. We also won't be able to go with another agency at the same time, so I expect our wait to be a little longer because of those things. I'm still hopeful that it won't be too long, though.

[taramayrn]

Oh no I'm not doubting you or what she said to me, but I have some concerns about her saying that they have only had 1 failed placement. Why is that so? Are women being led to make decisions they aren't fully on board with? Are they aware of all the options available to them?
You might think that if you sign up with an agency and they have a "high" number of failed placements that something's wrong. I think from a birthmother's point of view it is good - these women are being counselled on ALL their options not just adoption and are allowed to do what they want and aren't pressured into anything. I know it doesn't seem good from a potential adoptive parent point of view, but think of it this way - would you want to parent a child when you know the bmom might have serious regrets? Anyways...I've totally rambled, don't mind me.

[taramayrn]

I'm sorry I hope I haven't discouraged you or sidetracked your thread. Just wanted to express my concerns.

Best of luck!

[jaenelle]

Originally Posted by taramayrn

Oh no I'm not doubting you or what she said to me, but I have some concerns about her saying that they have only had 1 failed placement. Why is that so? Are women being led to make decisions they aren't fully on board with? Are they aware of all the options available to them?
You might think that if you sign up with an agency and they have a "high" number of failed placements that something's wrong. I think from a birthmother's point of view it is good - these women are being counselled on ALL their options not just adoption and are allowed to do what they want and aren't pressured into anything. I know it doesn't seem good from a potential adoptive parent point of view, but think of it this way - would you want to parent a child when you know the bmom might have serious regrets? Anyways...I've totally rambled, don't mind me.

No, you've made some very good points. From what I have heard, this agency has excellent counseling for potential birth mothers, but obviously as a potential adoptive parent, I have a different viewpoint than the potential birthmothers, so I don't really know.

And, no, I wouldn't want to "take away" a child from a birthmother who really did want to parent and think she was able to do so. That would never be something I wanted, no matter how badly I wanted a child.

I just want all this to work out how it's supposed to, whatever that might mean for us. But if it could be with a minimum of pain and suffering for all involved, that would be nice too.

[hansmom]

No matter how long or short the wait while you are waiting its forever. From the time I finished the home study it was 3 months befor I got the call that a newborn baby girl was waiting for me. I was open to any race child and she mixed. The most beautifull little girl in the world.


I did not have any advance notice. Had gone out to dinner and when I got home there was a call from the lawyer to call and when I did she told me I had a new born baby girl.

Hang in there and the call will come and if you believe that the child you are ment to have in your family will come they will.

Good luck

[maxkinzie]

Hi,
Our agency said expect a 6-18 month wait, that was the average. Exactly 2 months later we had our baby girl in our arms! We were an agency pick placement and weren't called till she was born. I wouldn't change a thing!!!

[jaenelle]

Originally Posted by maxkinzie

Hi,
Our agency said expect a 6-18 month wait, that was the average. Exactly 2 months later we had our baby girl in our arms! We were an agency pick placement and weren't called till she was born. I wouldn't change a thing!!!

Forgive my ignorance (always something new to learn) but what is an "agency pick placement"? I thought the pbmoms always chose the families their bchildren went to.

[SchmennaLeigh]

J&D waited ... 9ish months? I forget.

[AwaitingBeloved]

Jaenelle, I think the agency pick placement is for the placements of kids whose pbparents have chosen to have a closed adoption. Our agency does this, too, they honor the expectant parents wishes, so if a couple/woman comes in and says they want a closed adoption, the agency might pick a couple whose been waiting a long time or who they feel may be difficult to place for whatever reason (I'm not sure if this is how an agency picks, just speculating...) But if a woman/couple comes in and says they want to place with a young couple, they're shown profiles of young couples. Or a single mom or dad, they'll be shown profiles of singles, or a religious, sports oriented, etc, etc family and they'll be shown the appropriate profiles.

I think some places show all the profiles to the woman/couple, but not sure.

[jaenelle]

Originally Posted by AwaitingBeloved

Jaenelle, I think the agency pick placement is for the placements of kids whose pbparents have chosen to have a closed adoption. Our agency does this, too, they honor the expectant parents wishes, so if a couple/woman comes in and says they want a closed adoption, the agency might pick a couple whose been waiting a long time or who they feel may be difficult to place for whatever reason (I'm not sure if this is how an agency picks, just speculating...) But if a woman/couple comes in and says they want to place with a young couple, they're shown profiles of young couples. Or a single mom or dad, they'll be shown profiles of singles, or a religious, sports oriented, etc, etc family and they'll be shown the appropriate profiles.

I think some places show all the profiles to the woman/couple, but not sure.

Okay, thanks!