[KristineM]

I am interested in finding out from birthparents, adoptive parents and adoptees how people react and when they say when they find out that you have an open adoption. Have you gotten positive or negative responses.

[kllee4]

This is fairly new for us so I guess I wasn't prepared for the number of people who smile and say, "That's nice." and then look at me like I'm crazy. We are planning a visit this summer to see dd's bmom and family and we have sent pictures and called one another and she's only 3 weeks old.

I find the need to have to explain WHY it's important and I still receive the usual comments about it being confusing or questioning why it's even necessary, etc. Even my mother and MIL are concerned with how close we are. I try not second guess our relationship with her bmother and know that it is truly awesome. I've been making an Easter basket with bath goodies and things to send her and even dh is saying I might be going overboard. So, I have decided to just not mention to family members who have concerns and hope that if they ask, I will continue to include them and they will eventually, over time, see how much she thrives from the relationship.

It's kind of sad that I feel the need to explain/defend and answer questions about it but I must for her her sake (only for close family members). She's worth it so I will continue, plus, I love D!

[ValerieP]

No matter who we tell, they ask questions such as... Aren't you afraid the family is going to steal her back? or, Do you think that is best for her?

My husband and I talked long and hard about our expectations when we considered adoption. We wanted to be ready for the questions that will come in later years -- Who do I look like? Did my bmom and bdad love each other and me?

It does take work to make it feel right, and it doesn't always go perfectly. It is just like dealing with family members...

[SchmennaLeigh]

Most people don't know what it is when I first discuss it. Most people are receptive (while some have not been) but they simply don't know what openness in adoption is.

[Bellemom]

I agree with Jenna. Most people that ask don't really know what open adoption is..... We adopted through foster care so we get the "aren't you afraid for their safety?", "Are you sure that's good for the kids?" comments. It can get frustrating, as I feel pretty confident in my ability to keep the kids safe . But, I understand that most people don't read up on open adoption unless they become part of it.

[Free_to_be_me]

I usually end up answering a LOT of questions and then whoever is asking usually says "Wow, that sounds really neat. How did you end up with such an unusual situation?" Then, I explain that openness is becoming more and more common.

[DianeScraps]

Our adoption is through fostercare, so people focus on the negatives of fostercare (which there are plenty of)

But I get some critisim, some grumbles, and some comments about me being a saint (i'm not)

[BarbaraB]

I have gotten the gamut of reactions, from genuine interest and acceptance to TV-movie-horror-story questions, most of them beginning "aren't you afraid..." (a) that she'll want him back, (b) that she'll be sorry she gave him up, (c) that someday he'll say to you "she's my real mom" etc. etc. etc. --- I've come up with answers to most of them so far. (I usually tell people it's much harder to be scared of people you've met and talked to than of people you don't know at all; that yes, I am afraid she'll be sorry, because she can't change her mind, and I know she has a lot of grieving to go through; and that he might say "you're not my real mom" even if he never met her at all.)

I think most of the reactions have been positive, but not all. It is complicated by being really in the minority among the adoptive families we know -- they are almost all closed, by choice or by circumstance (international adoption).

Barbara

[ourdreamcametru]

So far we have gotten pretty much good responses but some people just don't understand. DH and I are still learning ourselves, two years into our adoption, and have felt our parents out but don't think they would understand visits and the extended family part of it so we just haven't told them that we visit. When the time is right we will but they are from the old school where a girl went away to visit an aunt and when she came home nothing was ever said about the baby. They also don't understand that they are not going to come and take her away in the night!

[nickie's mom]

Our open adoption is great. I feel that this is the best way to adopt. The children are felt loved from so many people. As they grow up they will know their Birthmother and won't be as anxious when they understand what adoption is. I am very close to our son's birthmom. I love her for the son that she gave to us. As for comments everyone usually makes the comment "How lucky he is to have you". I always let them know we are the lucky ones. Now my Mom still ask the question "What does he call you?" This has been going on for almost two years. God Love her!!!!