[patti Daniels]

Thank you so much. I will always feel a special bond to the birth mom and that is our daughter. She does look like her bmom too. When my daughter received a picture of her bmom, we looked at the picture, my daughter said, "she reminds me of someone." I looked at the picture and said she really does look like someone I have seen before. I looked at my daughter and said, "It is you." She agreed. I had tears in my eyes when I realized that she looked like her bmom. Her bmom is beautiful and so is my daughter. I would post her picture but since she is 18 it scares me to put her picture on the internet. She truly is beautiful.

Originally Posted by Moongrl22

That's a great story. Thanks for sharing. It give's me HOPE for the future. As I've stated before Amom's are special to us Bmom's. You took over when we couldn't do it. You are angel's working for God.

[Moongrl22]

When I first saw a picture of my daughter who is now 17 yrs old I thought she was so beautiful. My husband says she looks a lot like you maybe he is right but I see inner beauty and a vibrant spirit. It's amazing how similiar all my children look alike. God has blessed me with healthy, beautiful children. Most importantly they are a blessing in my life.
I think all Children are special gift from God. If every mother in this world kept their children safe and from hurting and their was no child abuse, just amagin what a better world we would have. It's sad that their are so many forgotten children in our world. I thank God every day for loving couples who want to adopt children to LOVE.

Originally Posted by patti Daniels

Thank you so much. I will always feel a special bond to the birth mom and that is our daughter. She does look like her bmom too. When my daughter received a picture of her bmom, we looked at the picture, my daughter said, "she reminds me of someone." I looked at the picture and said she really does look like someone I have seen before. I looked at my daughter and said, "It is you." She agreed. I had tears in my eyes when I realized that she looked like her bmom. Her bmom is beautiful and so is my daughter. I would post her picture but since she is 18 it scares me to put her picture on the internet. She truly is beautiful.

[gimpsta]

i personally couldn't see how anyone could do an open adoption unless there were special circumstances within a family.

IMO - the child has ONE mom and ONE dad reguardless where their first 9months were spent. I for one stay far away from open adoptions for the fear of any involvement from an actual birthparent. This is one reason for my wife and I considering foreign adoption.

but to answer your question, i probably feel the same way you do. the child has ONE set of parents. otherwise IMO it gets turned into nothing different than what happens when parents are divorced and the child expierences a long term relationship with the parent he/she hardly sees.

[Mommy24]

Gimpsta, just curious if you have done any research on the benefits of open adoption for the adoptee?
For the record, we birthmoms really arent all that bad, sorry you fear us so much

[taramayrn]

I'm also wondering what the "special circumstances within a family" are...

[Vogi2002]

gimpsta- I was just like you were when I first started looking into adoption and my dh was even worse. I literally MADE him go to an open adoption seminar...it was then and ONLY then that we started thinking more about it.

BTW-open adoption is not FOR the bmom or aparents (although they have many blessings with this too) it is for the CHILD. As a matter of fact, I am sure that at times it IS HARDER for the bmom and the aparents than a closed adoption, but they know that it is not for them, but the child. There is a LOT of research (surprisingly to me and dh) to support this. Dh and I are both very excited to now begin open adoption.

Healthy Open adoption is NOT coparenting. A HUGE part of making open adoption work is to set boundaries. This goes both ways, with the bparents and the aparents. Believe it or not, aparents really do form a tight bond with the bparents...

Anyways, I really do hope you do more research on this subject, it is FASCINATING how truly simple, and unconfusing open adoption is to children!!

Natalie

[SchmennaLeigh]

If a Mother can love more than one child...

[ajjhmf]

Originally Posted by SchmennaLeigh

If a Mother can love more than one child...

...then a child can love more than one mom.

My son has 3 moms. Myself, his foster mom and his birthmom. I do not feel threatened by his love for them, I see it as proof of just how much love he has in his heart.

[JPDakota]

I'm with gimpsta. Someone with a different point of view is not necessarily lacking a body of information. To suggest such is offensive. I have done a lot of research, and I am an adoptee. From my information gathering and my personal perspective, I believe that open adoption is a mistake. I also believe, since life is cyclical, that there will be a return to more closed adoption. I must have read on this board a thousand times that open adoption is not co-parenting, but I don't know about that. I can understand how birth parents would lean toward openess.
When the kids in open adoptions these days are 40 years old, we'll know a lot more about the long term effects of open vs closed.

[taramayrn]

There are two sides to every story and no one is saying that open adoption is right for everyone. I just have to wonder what's going on when someone claims "I for one stay far away from open adoptions for the fear of any involvement from an actual birthparent". That's all...why are they afraid?

[BrandyHagz]

When the kids in open adoptions these days are 40 years old, we'll know a lot more about the long term effects of open vs closed.

How about 32, will that work?

I'm an adoptee who was raised in open adoption...no coparenting involved and no confusion - yet I post my story a lot and never get any questions about my experience...so very odd to me..

[SchmennaLeigh]

Brandy; there are certain people who don't want to learn about your story (not specifically you, but open adoptions that worked) because then their reasonings and justifications seem null and void. As long as firstparents are villanized and made out to be sub-standard human beings, certain groups of people can feel better about themselves. It comes down to the same high school mentality of picking on someone who seems different than the "norm" at the school; no one wants to admit that they could just as easily be that person and/or a sliver of jealousy thrown into the mix. Most often both.

Firstparents, for the most part, aren't scary. I mean, I'm 5'3 for pity's sake. Now Brandy? She's ginormously tall.

[BrandyHagz]

Now Brandy? She's ginormously tall.

It's true...freakishly tall...

[timni]

I try to tell as many people as I can about how great our open adoption is. The true key to open adoption is honesty and kindness. You have to be upfront and you have to consider someone else's feelings. Of course their are challenges. Of course it is uncomfortable sometimes. BUT 90% of the time we are just like family. My daughter came with her own set of inlaws. Would someone shy away from marriage just because of their mother in law? No (well maybe some would ). Anyway just my 2 cents.

Brandy - you are part of the reason I determined to get my mind comfortable with dd bfamily. I want your relationships for my daughter when she is 35

Jenna - As always my admiration for your patience. You continue to suprise me.

[michellesnook]

Just as a side note regarding Open adoption equalling co-parenting.

My son's first family lives 2220 miles away from us. We are in a TOTALLY open adoption, but obviously they can't co-parent. It's silly to think that they would have any influence on our day to day activities.

It saddens me when people refer to birthparents as somehow second class! Or 'less than'. For the most part they are not to be feared (the freakishly tall are the exception! LOL!) just respected..

Michelle