[mom2GRLC]

In the event that you and your husband passed away who would care for your children? Would you ever think of listing the birthmother?

I ask this for several reasons....

1) I've heard of it being done before
2) We still have to make out our will and all that goes along with it...etc.

What would be your reasons for or against it?

[SchmennaLeigh]

I, personally, am against it. Mainly because I live out of their area and to uproot a child after the death of both of their parents seems extra cruel. I do hope that whomever receives the children understands that we have an open relationship.

We are not giving Nicholas to his Godparents should something happen to us because they live too far away from where he is used to being. He's going to a family member. And that family member knows that Nicholas is to remain in contact with the Munchkin and her family.

Edited to Add: I should say, personally, I am against it in our situation. I'm sure it could work for others. There. That's better.

[ourdreamcametru]

In OUR situation I would be against it simply because E's family was not able to care for a baby in the first place hence the adoption. My parent's would take all three of our kids and would continue to have the same open door policy we have with the adoption.

[LouiseT]

My guess is that would be pretty rare. The birthmother probably is not in a position to parent the child, hence the adoption.

[mom2sweetpea2]

I speak as a Life Mother in my papers if something happen to both aparents before final hearing then baby came back to me. Now that the adoption is finalize, I dont know who he would go to but I dont want him to come back to me. I am working to hard to get to that safe place of where I can final be okay with my choice. I decided to give him a great future with a different family without me in the picture and I still dont want to be in the picture even if his aparents arent either. As long as the semi openness is still there. I think that we are all working towards an open adoption but just everything in life it takes a little time. So no, I wouldnt want him back, I love him but it still wouldnt be the right choice for him.

[saxxxy]

Our daughter would go to my husbands parents; if they are not able then she would got to my sister and be a part of her family.

We have a wonderful open adoption with my daughter's birthfamily, but we consider our family to be her family and that is who she should go to if something happens to us.

I pray every day that nothing happens to me; my girl needs her Mommy!!!!!

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by LouiseT

My guess is that would be pretty rare. The birthmother probably is not in a position to parent the child, hence the adoption.

Excuse me?

Most birthparents place because they are not ready to parent at the time. It's usually a situational problem and not a life-long issue. (I say usually because, sometimes, it is.) Many a birthparent goes on to have a family of their own.

My Son would beg to differ that I am not in a position to parent. He digs me.

[taramayrn]

Thank you Jenna...while I might not have been in a position to parent my son when I was 19 I would do a fine job now - thank you very much!

My son is to go to his mom's sister and her family. She also has young kids and is a wonderful mom. While I consider myself to be part of Thomas' family and vice versa he doesn't know us as well as he knows his adoptive family. I think it would be traumatic to uproot him like that.

There is a stipulation in the aparent's will that one of the conditions that the aunt has to meet in order to take and keep the children is that she must uphold the open adoption agreement.

[LouiseT]

Originally Posted by FH-SchmennaLeigh

Excuse me?

Most birthparents place because they are not ready to parent at the time. It's usually a situational problem and not a life-long issue. (I say usually because, sometimes, it is.) Many a birthparent goes on to have a family of their own.

My Son would beg to differ that I am not in a position to parent. He digs me.

Jenna-
I'm sure you are an awesome mom. My post certainly was not directed at you or anyone else in particular!
In fact, I wasn't the only poster who made the same comment.

Obviously a main reason to place is because a birthparent is unable to parent "at that time". No one can tell the future, or know what they will be able to do at a later point.

Adoption is a permanent solution to what may be a situational problem. While the birthparent's inability to parent is a situational problem, the placement of that child is a life-long issue. The decision to place is triggered by where you are at that point in your life.

I'm sure many birthmothers go on to have more children and are great parents.

I'm now intrigued by this thread. I wonder how many birthmothers out there would accept their placed child in this case? I guess more than I thought.

Sorry if my wording offended you or anyone else.

[taramayrn]

I would accept my child if that was what the adoptive parents wanted, but I would never encourage it. But I would ask them to seek out someone else first.... It's not like I would refuse to take him just don't think it's the best thing for him.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by FH-taramayrn

I would accept my child if that was what the adoptive parents wanted, but I would never encourage it. But I would ask them to seek out someone else first.... It's not like I would refuse to take him just don't think it's the best thing for him.

Well, hmm, good question you pose there, Tara. If J&D wanted me to have Ariana, I would still be torn. If I lived next door to them, I can see it would be less of a problem. But to uproot her eight hours? From everything she knows? I'd struggle with the guilt. Well, even more guilt. lol

[taramayrn]

Yes, you might be uprooting her from her friends, etc. but she would be in your loving home - people she knows love her etc. Kids are resilient. So while it's something we would never promote in our situations, if it were to happen, it would be okay.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I would not get her in the event of death. Bottom line, Im a stranger to her even if she is more than that to me. It would be SUCH a tramatic change.. she should stay with her brother.

That said. I was a great parent before, at the time of adoption, and after. Not being in a position to parent is not always the reason for placing.

Either way though.. to say that the birthparent is probably not in a position to parent the child is taking a HUGE liberty of assumption.

My guess is that would be the RARE reason as to why it would not be encouraged.

[taramayrn]

Just wanted to bring up siblings. I would take Thomas' sister IF their parents were adament that I take them after they die. See above where I would never encourage it and would honestly protest greatly. But what if her bmom wanted her or they wanted Emma to go to her bmom?! Her and Thomas NEED to stay together if something should ever happen to their parents.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Oooh, interesting, Tara.