[taramayrn]

Originally Posted by FH-SchmennaLeigh

So, maybe we're just different in the way we go about things? (Nick and Josh get the majority but Munchkin gets some as well.)

Yeah I'm wondering if we aren't a little different....

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by FH-taramayrn

Yeah I'm wondering if we aren't a little different....

I mean, obviously I'm "different." *laughs*

I just don't see why this is an issue? (The original question.) We see J&D (and their family) as family. They view us in the same manner. So why would one not notify the other of something catastrophic? Again, I don't expect to be first on the phone chain. That would be presumptuous of me to "require." And while I would like to be given enough time to get to them if something unimaginable did happen, emergencies can often make time unimportant. Meaning that those involved in the tragedy/emergency don't always realize, "Shoot, it's been x-amount of hours. I need to call x-amount of people." Working in tragedy mode is hard.

[taramayrn]

That's how I see it too Jenna...it's just not an option - we are family. I wouldn't think twice to notify them if I or Chad were ill and honestly I'd expect the same from them. Certainly not immediately, but in some sort of timely manner. And yes, most people switch to crisis mode when such a thing happens and so timely isn't always possible or reasonable.

[mom2GRLC]

Yes my original post was meant to be in the case of an impending death.

I only gave the example of my fs(soon to be adopted) because it suprised me that in my rush to the ER I kept thinking of her and wishing she could be there to help support me/him while he was very ill (I HOPED it was just an ear infection but ...with the spike of his fever that high while on medication...it just really freaked me out..I was thinking maybe menengitis or something really bad like that???) I know I did the right thing by not calling her. Don't worry I was not offended.

[taramayrn]

Originally Posted by mom2GRLC

Yes my original post was meant to be in the case of an impending death.

I only gave the example of my fs(soon to be adopted) because it suprised me that in my rush to the ER I kept thinking of her and wishing she could be there to help support me/him while he was very ill (I HOPED it was just an ear infection but ...with the spike of his fever that high while on medication...it just really freaked me out..I was thinking maybe menengitis or something really bad like that???) I know I did the right thing by not calling her. Don't worry I was not offended.

Mom...I can understand why you didn't call her. Sometimes when we don't know all the answers in medical situations it's hard for people to remain calm - especially if they can't be there. So sometimes it's best to wait until you have answers. Did you let her know after the fact that fs was ill? (not sure if this was possible)

[mom2GRLC]

I waited until his scheduled visit which was just 2-3 days later. We were at the ER for like 4-5 hours for observation and tests and the whole time we were there his temp was getting lower and lower. He was much better that night and even the next few days..(never a fever over 101.5) so I figured it could wait until his visit.

I've always tried to keep all of our conversations through DHS until he is legally ours (because of the special circumstances in the case). I don't want anything to come in between us being able to adopt him.

So even though I wanted to call her(because i really think she is a WONDERFUL grandma and friend to me) I fought the urge for several reasons.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Obviously you don't want to unnecessarily alarm a birthparent. It's fine to wait until you know what's going on.

D and I just had this conversation. She said, "Of course I would call." And then added, "You know she has a runny nose right now." Further proving we're jsut simply on the same page.

[taramayrn]

Originally Posted by FH-SchmennaLeigh

Obviously you don't want to unnecessarily alarm a birthparent. It's fine to wait until you know what's going on.

D and I just had this conversation. She said, "Of course I would call." And then added, "You know she has a runny nose right now." Further proving we're jsut simply on the same page.

For me, I'm fine with not knowing that Thomas has a runny nose, etc and don't expect his parents to call everytime he threw up. That's fine but I want and honestly feel I deserve to know the big things...

[SchmennaLeigh]

Denise and I talk on an almost daily basis. I don't "make her" tell me when she has a runny nose. And she doesn't feel "obligated" TO tell me when she has a runny nose. It just comes up in conversation.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Yeah, so J (adad) just piped into the conversation that D and I are having. He said he wouldn't call me if Munchkin was terminally ill.

He would drive her out here and tell me so that I could see her.

Yeah. I sure do love them.

[mom2GRLC]

I WISH I had the same kind of relationship you have with your Munchkins parents. =0) I'm VERY Jealous!!!! In that close of a relationship...I would think it would be horrible...to not notify the bmom right away of the VERY BIG things happening!!! Unfortunately Not eveyone has that kind of relationship....that's why my question can have sooo many different views.

I mean....if you are not having a good relationship with the birthparents....then why the heck would you want them there....or even give them the choice to be there, at that VERY difficult time.

There are just so many factors that would contribute in making that call!!!

[mom2GRLC]

I asked my husband and he said....absolutely NOT. "Birthfamily would be the LAST thing on my mind"

again...just proves how much WE aren't even on the same page!!! urg!!

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I HAVE to believe that they would call me. Especially knowing how dear she is to me.... I definately would have to believe that I would be after immediate family.

Boy, I hope that is something I dont have to ask.. because now I feel the need to. I would hope it would offend her greatly that I have to ask.... Or else it would be pretty devastating.

(Im sure you understand that....)

[taramayrn]

Originally Posted by FH-SchmennaLeigh

Denise and I talk on an almost daily basis. I don't "make her" tell me when she has a runny nose. And she doesn't feel "obligated" TO tell me when she has a runny nose. It just comes up in conversation.

Oh I know, I'm just saying for me and my relationship as we don't talk daily.

[taramayrn]

Originally Posted by mom2GRLC

I mean....if you are not having a good relationship with the birthparents....then why the heck would you want them there....or even give them the choice to be there, at that VERY difficult time.

Why? Because it's their child as well...it's not about you, it's about the child... Sure you might not get along with them, but they deserve to say goodbye to their child as well. Don't mean to offend, but...