[DianeScraps]

Our 8 yr olds foster daughters name is actually quite pretty, and unique but not unique enough that it comes off as 'odd'

We had never intended to change her first name. But recently she has been requesting it. And she recently hit me over the head with the fact that her name makes her sad because it includes her bio moms name. (DUH on my part)

But . . . we have contact with bio mom, and foster daughter is 8 .. . Seems a bit old to 'start over'

FYI her 'nickname' does not include biomom's name


Bio mom absoultely does not want the name changed, in fact she wanted their last name kept the same - we solved that by saying it was up to the girls - they both said they wanted our last name

Any thoughts?



Diane

[NicNic]

An aquaintence of ours adopted two older children and they both wanted to change thier first names and get a "fresh start" They had a really rough past with their bfamily...lots of neglect and abuse, so there is no contact between the bfamily and afamily.

FYI it has been a couple years and the kids are both doing well.

[bjolly]

In this case, I think I would let your daughter change her name, since she's consistently requesting it (ie it's not a passing whim) and she has an understandable reason.

We will be finalizing with our 10 year old soon and she surprised us by wanting to change her name. She's going to drop her first name and use her middle name instead. She wants to mark this new start in her life and that makes sense to me.

At the same time, I like that her new name will be her original middle name. It honors who she is, and the name her mom chose for her.

[mom2GRLC]

I think it is a wondeful idea. Both our 5 & 3 year old adopted children were eager for their new names as well and helped pick them out.

I agree that it marks a new begining for the kids...which most of them definately need. It has really helped our kids to feel like they are part of their new family. I like to try and incorporate some part of their birth name in the new name....to help signify that they are still the same person just kinda reborn....into another family, another life.

[leaabc123]

I agree with the others, allow your daughter this choice. Assuming there is negative history with bio-mom, since this is a foster child.

Bio-mom really has no say in what the children do or are named after adoption. If she wanted a say, she could have worked her case plan and gotten her kids back.

[ladybugqueen]

I am in the process of adopting two of my foster children, ages 9 and 11. We live in a small town and they fear having to answer too many questions about a first name change, plus that's what we know them as. We decided (we meaning me and the girls) to keep their first and middle name, but we're adding a middle name and they'll take my last name. I agree...8 is old enough to know what they want. A fresh start is a big deal and another sign that they truly have a "new" family for older children.