[Hollygirl]

Hi, I am new to this forum and just needed some support of people who are going through the same things as me. My husband and I have been TTC for 3 years and have been unsucessful. We have previously brought up the idea of adoption but have always been scared away by the agency fees.

Just two days ago, a friend of mine let me know about a young girl she knows who is considering adoption for her baby. We made contact with the girl and her father last night and they are both excited to talk to us. I am kind of going into this blind. We think that we will meet them for the first time next Wednesday. Of course I am very nervous. Have any of you ever procedded this way for adoption. I know we will have to have a lawyer but I think that is all. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

[echaos]

You will still need to have at least a home study done, and the potential birth mother should definitely get councelling.

The laws very from state to state (and I'm in Canada, so not much help!) but definetely contact a lawyer, as some states have very strict laws on simple things like giving the pbmother gifts etc.. and you don't want to do anything wrong.

The other things to consider are what is the relinquishment time in your state... how long after birth until the pbmother signs termination papers and what happens to the baby during that time (stays with pbmother, goes to a foster home, goes with you knowing that their is a risk that you have to give the baby back if the pbmother changes her mind)?

You will also want to explore what type of adoption... closed (but not in this case since you will know who she is and she will know who you are), semi-open or open. do you want to keep in touch, meet twice a year, just send letters and pics etc...

These boards are choc-ful of info.

I hope everything works out for you and welcome!

[jstunme]

... just to clarify ......

(1)You will need a lawyer for you AND one for the birthmom.

(2)All states require homestudy to be done.

(3)Both you and the birthmom (please at least the birthmom) needs some counseling done before .. maybe after.


I wish you all the best. M

[jaydensmommy]

What you need will depend on the state and county you live in. Our county attorney handles "simple" (non-contested) adoptions for no fee. They drew up the papers (county attorney's office). The birthparents signed their papers in front of a notary and we met with the county attorney at the courthouse. The only fees we paid for were the home study fees and the fees for fingerprinting and that's it. I think our county is the simplest though with regard to adoption. Many states are much more complicated.

Counseling is essential, I believe. If I had to do it over again I would have insisted on it. One of the birthparents finally went to counseling, one didn't.

I think the first thing is to contact an adoption attorney in your area and see what's required for a private adoption. That's how we found our info was from speaking to a few attorneys over the phone.

Good luck.

[ses1230]

We adopted dd privately. We had a lawyer, and dd's bmom also had a lawyer. (The same lawyer cannot represent both parties)

You can find a Quad A attorney at www.adoptionattorneys.org .

As other people have said, a homestudy is required. Sometimes they take a month or two, or even longer, so you should look into starting that asap, too.

What an exciting time! Good luck!