[DianeScraps]

"C" age 4, and "S" age 7 were placed in our home in June.

From the start our relationship with the Bio Mom has really been quite good. She cried horribly when the children called me 'mom' in front of her (I told the kids from the start it was their choice), but otherwise has been totally pleased with how well both girls have done with us.

The girls have been in foster care for over 3 yrs, reunintion has been attempted 3 times (two times actually back for short periods, third time got to visits and then fell through)

The county workers have been trying to talk to bio mom about adoption for weeks, but she has been avoiding them.

Today as visit was ending and we were walking out of the county visit bio mom started bringing up the openness issues and that she is very very afraid that when the girls are 18 they will hate her for not being / fighting for custody of them. But she really wants to do what is best for them. And that we are her first choice if they can not live with her.

She talked with the 7 yr old to see how she felt. As you can expect that's a hard thing for an adult to put into words and about impossible for a 7 yr old.

I talked with both kids after visit, 4 yr old didn't want to talk, just a hug and read books, (so we did).
7 yr old said she didn't know what to say to bio mom but though that it would help her (the 7 yr old) if she could collect some frogs (her bio moms favorite thing) to have around to remind her of bio mom. I said I thought that was a great idea, and also suggested we make blankets for C, S and bio mom out of some frog material and that we can give bio mom hers on Sunday (her birthday).

Bio mom comes from a really crappy family background herself, from the limited info I have there is alcohol abuse, multiple divorces, moves, tossing kids around, etc. Bio mom admits she just doesn't know how to give the girls a consistent upbringing.

I am really looking for any suggestions on how to talk, what to say to bio mom. In PA a 'open' adoption is not legally binding, so I can't really do anything there besides say that our goal is to keep the contact (as long as it is appropriate) and that she will always be their mom.

I also want to be careful not to make her 'too' comfortable too. There were issues w/ previous foster home and her forgetting boundries and even stealing from them :-(

Thanks

Diane

[bromanchik]

I think your heart and mind are in the right place. I think you are handling it very well.