[ladybird1980]

I am just wondering if any of you have had to deal with relatives that seemed to prefer your biological child over your adopted child? I have noticed this a few times when I visited some of our relatives they will hold and talk to our biological child much more than our adopted child. We don't know if we should just cut them out of our lives before the kids are old enough to understand or what. We love both our children and don't want either one of them to feel insecure someday. By the way these relatives were very supportive of us adopting her and were even there at her adoption. It seems that things have slowly shifted toward our other child since his birth when she was less than a year old. Recently we have noticed that they don't seem to make an effort to get close to her. Please give some advice on how you would handle this. I know if I bring it up to them they will just deny it.

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

I am a foster/adopt parent, and it seemed that family members were not quick to warm up tp or even accept my boys at first. My sister-in-law actually got in an argument with my husband and made the comment that he thinks he is such a savior taking in charity children. You see, the bio children are his girls from his first marriage. I was SO angry with her that I couldn't see straight!! I told him it will be a cold day... Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I think it is the ignorance of people who just don't know. Not to be higher than others, but it is a different mentality that adoptive parents have.

[LisaCA]

I have a version of that problem. we have no bio children, but dh's parents prefer their other son's bio kid over dd. Fine with me, can't stand them. However, we are physically 3000 miles away (not unintentional). Dd will not really be close enough to realize that she isn't favored.

I think you can say that it appears as if they favor, explain what that appears like to you, and how that will hurt dd in the future. If it doesn't change, talk to them again, suggesting that you may have to cut access to them. then limit the time your kids are exposed to them, for her benefit.

[Hollygirl]

I have worried about that possibility also. I have asked my mom a million times if she will love and treat an adopted grandchild like a bio one. She assures me that she will but I feel that there is no way to know how anyone will really feel until we are in that position.

[joskimo]

I'm wondering what the age difference is between your children. My girls are 11 years difference, so family members are making a special effort to make sure the older (bio) daughter is getting attention, to make sure she isn't feeling left out. It can be hard when everyone goes ga-ga for the baby - so maybe the situation is misunderstood? If it really is a preference issue and that they are closing off to the new baby, I'd certainly have a talk before taking action, but I certainly wouldn't let the baby be raised with people who felt she was 2nd best.