[lilifelover]

I do agree that being honest with kids is the best policy...

Kids are so much more receptive to new things than we are! We, as adults, often forget how different we are from kids beyond the diapers and boundless energy.

My daughter's APs and I have an agreement that brothers and sisters will be called just that...and while I have not yet had another baby we all believe that it would be more confusing as those kids get older and start piecing things together on their own than if we had just told them off the bat. For instance, my daughter's older adopted brother knows he has siblings elsewhere and has even gone up for a visit...

YES, I will admit that the APs were nervous at first (and I'm kind of glad they're working through the hard parts with the other birthmother and her family before I get to it) and the AMom has confided in me that the reason she would rather not refer to her son's brothers as such is because she wishes it was her that was able to give him brothers and sisters rather than other birthmothers...

Apparently that's a fairly common feeling for APs to have, and that's okay...but are you protecting your son from information about his family....or yourself?

As a birthmother with friends who are birthmothers and now mommies...my advice is to sit your kiddos down and just tell them in a gentle (but honest) way...they might have questions or they may just want to go play and think nothing of it. If you've never seen an older child from an open adoption I would encourage you to attend a panel discussion at an agency or adoption group that has one! They aren't confused and lost children like we would have originally thought...but complete!

That's just my humble advice from a birthmother in open adoption. There's a woman roaming the boards named Brenda Romanchik (I think her handle is Bromanchik) and she has been in the adoption circles for much longer than I have- and she's published material you've probably read at one point or another....I'll bet she will help out more than I could.

Good luck.

[OneHappyFamily]

Dear Lucy Ann,

I agree with those who say children are resilent. I am all for being open and honest. Between friends and family I am aware of over 25 adoptions. If you explain the situation matter of factly they understand, start as early as possible.

In our case I have a picture of the biomommy, biodaddy and our daughter in her bedroom for her and everyone to see. She has been told she is very lucky that she has two mommies and two daddies. When she is older she just may find it odd that people have only one mommy and daddy. The biofamily is always welcome at special events.

I have a friend who when her child was four came running from behind the house and his Grandma asked where did you come from and he proudly said "Russia" not knowing that she wonder where he came from at that moment.

Hope that helps,

Cathy