[aspenhall]

You probably want to post this as a thread of it's own. You'll get more people to see/respond that way. BTW private adoptions only require an attorney. Anyone can/may do them.

[tobeafamily]

Originally Posted by bnsheerose

By the way, I think that one of the problems I have telling them how I honestly feel, is that I am the type of person who naturally doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings; I'm afraid that if I tell them, I will make them feel bad...so I guilt myself more about that...you know, the I feel bad because I made you feel bad because I feel bad...etc...
Yeah...I think God blessed me a bit toooo much in the heart department

Thanks, again!

I think sometimes this 'eagerness to please' or 'reluctance to hurt' can be misread as not caring or not being interested. They may be misinterpreting your signals.

Another possibility is that unintentionally you're giving off signals that what you're saying and how you feel aren't the same, and that often 'reads' as being dishonest - not intentionally.

Relationships are like three legged stools. For them to work, you must have:

Love
Respect
Trust

The least important of these is love, because it waxes and wanes. If one leg is missing for a while, y'all can balance until it is restored. If two are missing, you don't have a stool.

I don't doubt there is great love with all involved. I wonder though about whether your fear of rejection is sending distrust signals?

Beyond improving your relationship with your daugher and her aparents, I would highly recommend you work on yourself and your fear of rejection. Have you thought about working with a counselor?

Just some thoughts. Hang in.

Regina

[bnsheerose]

Thank-you, Tobeafamily!
I couldn't agree with you more. I know that my past has a lot to do with how I respond. I have chosen to attend counseling for the past few years and I strongly believe that counselors aren't there to "fix" a person, but to help a person understand and help themselves. I have come a long way, but I also know that I have a long way to go. I have always had trouble with expressing emotions (again, due to different abuses as a child, low self-esteem, and not only as you said, fear of rejection, but also not being "perfect" enough) and have battled an eating disorder for the past 16 years. I understand many things logically, but dealing with the emotional part is something completely different. I think that I learned to suppress my feelings to survive. I do want to thank everyone who has offered their suggestions and advice; it's nice to have people to turn to for questions, answers and understanding.