[NicNic]

I just saw the coolest (Pro-adoption) commercial! It was a young woman in her cap and gown (Graduating) talking about an open adoption. She said something along the lines of "When I found out I was pregnant, and marriage was not an option. I had to make the hardest choice for myself and the best choice for my child. I didn't give my baby up for adoption, I gave my baby more." Then she takes off her cap and she has a picture of her baby taped to the inside. ( I am not sure that is the exact wording, but it is close) This is the first time I have ever seen a commercial like this. It was very positive and very powerful.

I was thinking that there should be more pro-life commercials like this one and less ultrasound (guilt) pictures.

Nicci

[Sarah0518]

That does sound like a great commercial. I'm with you. More positive commercials to raise awareness of options would be better.

[Daneca1]

Those comercials are the best! I know the group that puts those spots on, and I hope that you will see more! One of my favorites is were there is this little girl, and she has a daisy, and is pulling of the petals and saying , "my mommy loves me, my mommy loves me, my daddy loves me", then it pans out to a birthmom looking at a picture of the a-mom, a-dad and child and says basically the same thing...Placing my child for adoption was the hardest thing, but I havn't given up on her (as she is getting ready for work) I have given her more!
SO TOUCHING!

[SchmennaLeigh]

As a Birthmother in an open adoption, I loathe those commercials. I do applaud them for portraying adoption in at least a semi-positive manner, but they make me want to scream. Open adoption is not a band-aid for pain. It is not easy. Promotion is one thing; portraying it as a rainbow-filled institution is something completely different.

And no, I have NO idea on how to find a happy medium between promotion and false-portrayal. Working for the media, I know how hard it is to portray ANYTHING in the right light in a :30 spot (or less, as our station airs on of these adoption commercials in TEN SECONDS). I don't know the solution. I know I should be elated, again, as the birthmothers are being shown as successful, happy, functional human beings. But they hit a nerve, I suppose. It's not all rainbows. But it's not all sadness.

Okay, in arguing with myself here just now, I've come to the conclusion that I don't loathe them. They're "okay," at best. I think more could be done but I'm not their production agent.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

My response was basically the same as yours... I hate them and get sick to my stomach whenever I see them.

I do however agree that it is nice to see birthparents in a positive light.

[LisaCA]

I haven't seen the commercials, but I read your description of them-my first gut reaction is "creepy". I guess for me it gives the impression that adoption is a solution, maybe that it can be tied up in a bow. maybe if it said a few more things like "I miss her" and so on, something that implies the choice is a difficult one that she struggles with, something!

ah, well. btw, who is the group putting forward these ads?

lisa

[79nic]

Ok... where to start...

As disturbing as the idea that a couple pictures make the pain of adoption insignificant is, what is much, much MORE disturbing is the subtle implication that WITHOUT placing their kids for adoption, those women wouldn't have been able to graduate college, or have a career.

It's TERRIBLE. Absolutely freakin' terrible.

And while we're on the subject...

Why is it that the 1-800-BABY commercials always feature young scared girls who look lost and too young to have a job or degree?

And in the meantime, the adoption commercials show smiling women starting their careers or graduating from school, usually with some inane slogan like, "My child and I BOTH have a great future, now." (As if they couldn't have had a great future together? As if single moms don't manage to get through school? As if having a baby automatically excludes having a good-paying job?)

Sorry, this isn't aimed at anyone...

But the whole thing SICKENS me. This type of advertising has been on my mind a LOT lately, and I find it offensive, simplistic, and quite frankly, coercive towards expectant moms considering adoption.

End of rant.

[Daneca1]

As an a-mom in a open adoption I personally know in our situation there would be NO way that our b-mom could have started college this year, held down 2 jobs, and parent the way that she wanted!
I am sorry that you find these commercials "loathing" or "sick". I am glad that they are promoting adoption in a world that still finds adoption tabu (sp?). Don't most television commercials attempt to put forward a "dream". I did see a car commercial with a bow on it...not to compare. I know for the most part this isn't the reality (cant really say that I know the birthmother side of it). I am glad that someone is promoting a positive side of adoption!

[Daneca1]

I would hope that the "general public" would understand a SMIDGE (btw that means just a tad) of the pain that a birthmother would go though, everyone has lost someone important in their lives...I know I did even before we started our journey!

[scarlet52698]

Daneca1- I really don't think the term "smidge" needed to be defined here and I find it offensive that you would feel the need to do so.

IMO the only people who can understand what a birthparent feels are other birthparents, aparents that have had their children reclaimed, and parents of missing children. There is no closure, no REAL finality. Searching faces in the crowd and wondering what if.........waking up in the middle of the night to check on your children to make sure no one took them away.........trying to pretend you have no idea about childbirth when your friends start having babies and you haven't.........and sooooo much more!

If the general public had a "smidge" of an idea of those things, there wouldn't be rude comments to aparents, there wouldn't be whispers at church about a birthparent, there wouldn't be commercials painting adoption as rainbows and happily ever after.

[Daneca1]

1st adoption...failed. Birthmom reclaimed dd.

[FauxClaud]

I'll put in my two cents.
Can anyone guess how much I hate ads like this one?

And no...maybe a mother could not have gone to college and held down two jobs and been able to parent, but maybe she could have worked one job and been able to parent and put off school for a few years until her baby was older. Maybe it's just a matter of perogatives.
And something is wrong with this society when we put such emphisis on education and getting things that we want in out time frame, that we lose sight of the pureness of love and devotion to ones child.
Young moms can and DO keep their children and graduate college. I am honored to know of one who I personally help convince to try it. And she. not only works and goes to school, but has an amazing GPA and is able to love her daughter everyday.
I'd like to see that in a commercial!!

[79nic]

There is nothing wrong with a woman choosing adoption because SHE feels she doesn't want the hassle of parenting on top of school/a career/something else.

What is offensive about these commercials is that they:
1. Hold open adoption out to be a sort of "carrot" (thanks Brenda for the metaphor) to expectant moms (rather than acknowledging that open adoptions are for the KIDS, not the birthparents), and
2. Imply relinquishing their children made these women's dreams (graduating school, career) come true.

I have no problem with a woman choosing adoption because she truly does not want to parent. It's probably the only sound reason for choosing adoption, in terms of a birthmother's health.

I have a HUGE problem with people suggesting to expectant women en masse that college and careers become feasible BECAUSE OF adoption.

I have a wonderful open adoption with my birthdauther and her family.

But I relinquished for all the wrong reasons. Mainly, I listened to everyone who doubted my ability to be a good mom. Who told me it would be too hard to finish school with a baby. (I was ONE YEAR away from graduating, and had a fiance to help me--WTH?)

As a result, I'm finding it hard to forgive myself for relinquishing my daughter... for what? So I could have a degree? A degree I would have gotten anyway? (I know myself, I'm motivated when it comes to education, I would have made it work.)

So yes, I shudder when I see these commercials. I shudder on behalf of other smart, capable women who might be in the same shoes I was four years ago. I worry that they'll see those commercials and actually believe that the only way to get through college and get a good career is to relinquish.

And in the meantime, they're holding open adoption out like it's a carrot---like it's something that makes being a birthparent easier. What a disservice to our children, when the mothers who relinquish, thinking that pictures and visits will make it all ok, find out they still hurt, and consider cutting off contact with their birthchildren.


Edited to add: In reference to first statement in this post: Not sure, though, that not wanting to parent is a great reason for relinquishing when it comes to the adoptee's feelings. Still learning on that one.

[Daneca1]

rainbows and happily ever after.
Been there done that with the general public, but hope for the best in people and continued education!

[banjo]

Painting a bright picture of open adoption will only mislead women into years of angst especially when it all goes wrong, such as open adoptions being closed. Actually It's angst ridden anyway - there's no way to avoid it - even years down the track. There's still a lack of legality for bmothers. Even when you are involved in what could be regarded as a "successful" open adoption you are still the person everyone wants to exclude from your child's life. They forget that you gave birth to that child. Then there are the lies and the lack of acceptance in society. it mite be 2005 but you are a saint when you decide to relinquish and a bad mother after you do...
Adoption is necessary but i don't think it should be encouraged until all other options have been explored. JMHO. I'd like to see the ads go and the money spent on more counselling on parenting options etc and counselling for us birthmothers struggling with the loss of a relationship with our children, and adoptees struggling with adoption issues.