[LisaCA]

I haven't seen the commercials but...

I think the problem with commercials like these is that they don't indicate the range of emotions that birthparents may experience. An adoption plan may be the best thing for the child and the pbparent, may be the worst thing, or it may be something in between. It doesn't sound like these commercials show that at different people feel differently about their adoption experience. for some it may be as easy as this commercial shows, but for many others, it sounds as if it's more complicated than that, with feelings that change over time and circumstance.

and I received my first negative mark ever from my post here, from a bmom who really feels that adoption was a great solution for her. I appreciate her comments and I wish I knew who so I could thank her by name-clearly she appreciates these commercials. Who am I to say she isn't right, at least for her situation. I guess I want more -schmennaleigh is right, a short statement added to the ads could go far to rectify the problematic nature of the commercials.

stinky kitty- my dd's bmom was 15 when she placed (she's now 16) and our facilitator tried to make sure she knew her options (just in case her agency didn't do a good job of this). My feeling is that she placed because she really wanted to remain a child for as long as possible, and to maintain her relationship with her parents. She had a brief glimpse into adulthood with her pregnancy and was not at all happy with what she saw. Exactly how she'll feel in the future is of concern to me. Teenagers face particular concerns when considering an adoption plan, often above and beyond those of most birthparents difficult situation. I'm sorry you didn't get the support you needed.

Lisa

[banjo]

What to do about the advertiments? I don't think there is a need for them. There is a lot of information on adoption - just google the word and see how many thousands of hits there are. I think the money would be better spent with better presentation of all the options. i was not given them but found my own solution though help from various friends and then had a private adoption as such.

Mandy, i have not yet met a bmother who is happy with her decision but I was OK about my decision about five years ago but that all changed and the loss, depression etc has hit me since - I have since learned that this happens to many bmothers. You get to a stable "happy" time in your life and "bang" up comes all this repressed stuff over the adoption. Trust me I am a practical person but I now know my "underlying" depression - sort of like mild depression - that I had for years was due to my separation from my child. Since I have addressed my feelings etc, that depression has gone but has been replaced with other emotions such as incredible anger at myself for letting that baby go. i thought i could handle it and it was for the best - what was i thinking???

I can also tell you that the bmothers i know do not discuss how they feel about their decision with people outside the adoption triangle - I too am like this. It's easy here on this forum because I am not identified but I don't bother talking about it with my friends because they don't understand.

What have I done about it? I have talked to two pregnant women about what it's like to be involved with an open adoption - both have parented their children. i may talk to other pbmothers via a counselling service in the future because I am in what is considered a "good" open adoption situation so can present the good and bad sides. I think adoption is necessary but only when all other options are exhausted. Health professionals need to be properly educationed about these options.

A cheap, risk-free contraception for all women would be good - contraception failed for me.

I do know that adoption is different for all sides in the triad - no situation is unique.

banjo

[stinky_kitty]

Originally Posted by LisaCA

I think the problem with commercials like these is that they don't indicate the range of emotions that birthparents may experience. An adoption plan may be the best thing for the child and the pbparent, may be the worst thing, or it may be something in between.

Lisa,

I think that's my problem with commercials like those as well. There is no way to ever prepare yourself fully for the emotions, and the life changes that you are going to go through after you surrender your child.

To always promote adoption as a win win situation for everyone, is just not accurate and I believe does a HUGE diservice to the women who are contemplating that choice.

I know in my situation I was never presented with anything other than the "good", and being young and naive I believed it all. It took me an extremely long time to work through the emotional mess it left me in. Especially 'cause no one was there for me (agency OR parents) when everything went bad.

*Jennifer*

[79nic]

Sounds like we are in the same place, banjo. ((((((Hugs)))))).

[spaypets]

I guess I'm kind of frustrated by the objections to the commercials as described. For years, I've been reading posts from birthmothers who are understandably upset by the persistant images of birthmothers as drug addicts, drunks, flakes, who are waiting to kidnap children. Here are commercials that counter that image--which I think is to the benefit of adoptees, btw.

Furthermore, there is so much misunderstanding about open adoption, that I think a campaign to at least establish that some openess in adoption is the norm is also helpful in changing the general public's image. I see these commercials as part of a general public awareness campaign, not necessarily directed at a woman who is pregnant right now today.

Of course, these commercials can't begin to address the emotional issues involved in adoption. And I do think that Jenna's suggested script changes would be more accurate and an improvement (I urge you, Jenna, to write the ads' sponsors).

For so long in the public's eyes, birth parents haven't even been part of the conversation. And in conversations about crisis pregnancies (I'm talking about TV shows) no one even brings up adoption when talking about a woman's options (they show her at the door of an abortion clinic, but it's a rare show where someone even mentions adoption and when they do, it's just to say something negative.).

I know these ads aren't perfect, but can't we embrace the progress--just a little? Can't we look at it as a first step? We can make improvements as we go along, but isn't this better than the void?

[LisaCA]

I agree that these are a first step, but only in that they bring adoption out into the open, and hopefully have people asking questions. I am unhappy, however, that in 2005 we can't construct a commercial (or series of commercials) that's better than this one seems (again, I haven't seen them myself). I don't want to settle. As a black woman, all my life I've been asked to be happy with what I have, change comes slowly, etc. Now that I'm in my 40s and a bit cranky, I really want it done now. There is no reason why they couldn't meet with a panel of bparents, aparents and adoptees (separately) to see what they think of these commercials, gather feedback, etc. People do this all the time. If they can't address all issues, they can address some concerns.

anyone know which agency produces these and who is paying for them?

[FauxClaud]

I think, LisaCA, you got to the key issue here..

Who is making them and who is paying for them??

And what are they promoting?
Are they promoting adoption issues awarness?? Or adoption as a happy happy option in order to get more pregnant woman to go that route?

If we want to un-vilify the birthmother ideal..then how about a commercial where you see a picture of a mother and her adopted child and have a voice over of a "typical" old school sterotype " What do you know about her anyway? She could be crazy or an addict! Like what kind of woman gives away her child?" And then you could have a half dozen seens of the clerk at the bank, the teacher at school, the mother at the supermarket, the doctor at the hospital, the girl next door..all saying "I placed my child into adoption. I am a birthmother"

Or to increase awarness about the positive effects of open adoption..have an adult adoptee talk of all the things that he/she wondered about his./her whole life...who they were, where did that nose come from, how come they love music so, etc..and then have them pan to a natural mother and child playing together as the adoptive family looks happily on..."Now, my adopted child won't have to wonder these things about his whole life...with open adoption, he can ask her and find out for himself"

Now I am by no means an advertising exec..so if I can pop these from my head in 5 minutes while making the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, imagine what professionals can do with real funding! These at least deal with real issues and are there to change public assumptions and views, not get more woman to look at adoption as an option.

The problem is that there is big money in adoption to be made. And the funding for the general public viewpoint is provided by those who benefit from more adoptions. That would be both the paying customer..the adoptive family who provides the need and demand and the ones who do produce the product..the pool of potential birthmothers with ill timed pregancies..who are being sold an easy bill of goods by misleading advertising.

Most people KNOW adption exisits..they can find info if they want to..but what they don't know is what it means to live it..the experience by both adoptive families, adoptees and the relinquishing families.

I mean, how many, on both sides, thought before living it..that based on what you, once as general public thought, you had just no clue what it was really about? What do you wish a commercial could really have let you know? And then, do the ones with the money want that story told?

That's the real question.

[djp03]

I have been up nights feeding my 9 month old and thinking about this thread, so Here I go with my 2cents.

I think there is a desperate need for commercials promoting adoption!!!! In the state of Minnesota in 2003 there were 14,000 abortions reported to the dept of health. Roughly 5600 women reported "do not want to parent at this time" as one of the reasons for having an abortion. Yes, placing one's child for adoption requires sacrificial love and it is exquisitely painful, but the only "right reason" to place a child for adoption is for the best interest of the child .

Abortion kills an innocent human life and is therefore never in the best interest of a child. If "not wanting to parent" is one of the reasons why women choose abortion, then adoption is a very reasonable choice and should be promoted.

got to go
M

[Volfe]

ACtually I think there is a desperate need for this ad:

College Valedictorian addresses the crowd.
"I want to thank my daughter for helping me get to where I am today"
Pan to 10 yr old sitting in audience with a big grin.

Fade to:
"Parenting: You Can Do It"

Maia

PS I think parents need to know the importance of raising their own children first, as well as be informed of the pain of losing them.

What do I think of these ads? I do like that Openness is getting promoted. But that's about it... there are still many people against openness in this country. How many of our aparent friends face that from their family?

But if a non-abortion alternative is to be promoted, parenting should be it. Though, I realize, there's no money to be made in that outcome - therefore, we wont be seeing that promoted.

It's not BAD to be a teen parent.
It's not BAD to be a 28-yr-old college grad.
Afterall, I did it and I'm doing fairly well with my life goals.

[spaypets]

Some time ago there were ads with the tag line "Life: What a Beautiful Choice." They certainly gave the impression that the choice in choosing not to abort was parenting. At least adoption was never mentioned or implied.

Those ads, I believe were paid for by an anti abortion foundation.

[Linnie65]

[/quote]i have not yet met a bmother who is happy with her decision [quote]
My first thought when I read that was that when someone gets pregnant with the intent of placing thier child that's usually called being a surrogate mother. They might be "happy." So I don't imagine any bmom would be actually "happy" about her choice, but it is not only the adoption choice, but the pregnancy to begin with (with I am not saying is a choice, but is what lead to the choice). Did that make any sense? It does in my head, just not sure I'm saying it right.

I personally think that in a 30 second ad, you can't say everything. I don't think anyone will see it and say to themsleves, I'll chose adoption because it won't be painful. I think the idea is that it gives them an option which they should then look into and be educated about.

[Volfe]

Oh I just didn't like the selling of the idea that the grad was able to be where she was, cuz she placed. I would like to see the selling of the idea that one can succeed while parenting.

But Linnie you are correct cuz you really can't get a decent msg acros,s in a 10- or 30-second spot...

[djp03]

Congrats Volfe on making your life goals.

I disagree however that teenage parenting is a better option than adoption for 2 reasons:

1. Although many teen girls can be great moms, In my clinical experience, it's grandma or the 40plus hour per week day-care provider who does the bulk of the parenting.

2. In most situations, there isn't a great teen father involved in the child's care. There is a growing body of solid evidence that children who have involved fathers in the home are better off academically, emotionally, financially, spiritually and safety-wise.

These are hard facts to swallow. Unfortunately, I don't think many teen moms are told this reality.

M

[FauxClaud]

M,
There is nothing wrong with having grandparents help a child and grandchild get though a rough time while the teen does what is necessary to get to where they need to be in life. Same as there is nothing wrong with having a child in daycare. How many posts to we see from adoptive moms who need to go back to work. Where do those children go? Day care. A single mother will be more eligible for services that make day care possible at high schools and colleges. And she will have more reason to suceed.
As far as fathes go...yes both parents are prefered, but again, there is no staute of limitation on when a man might mature and step up to the plate. In order to have a father, must a baby also lose his mother? That logic just passes me by entirely.
I KNEW I had just seen this study posted, I submit to revoke your facts:


"Motherhood lessens teen delinquency, study shows"

Contact: Esther I. Wilder
ewilder@gc.cuny.edu
718-960-1128
Center for the Advancement of Health
http://www.cfah.org/


Unmarried adolescent mothers who keep their babies have lower rates of juvenile delinquency than girls who have abortions or give up their babies for adoption, according to new research.

"The transition to parenthood, unlike other types of pregnancy resolution, encourages adolescent females to assume a more responsible adult role that is ultimately incongruent with delinquent activity," says Esther I. Wilder, Ph.D., of Lehman College and the Graduate Center of the City University of New York, and two colleagues writing in the journal The Sociological Quarterly.

Wilder and Trina Hope, Ph.D., of the University of Oklahoma and Toni Terling Watt, Ph.D., of Texas State University drew their information from the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, a nationwide survey of 19,000 teenagers in grades seven through 12. Previous research showed that girls who get pregnant have higher levels of juvenile delinquency than girls who never get pregnant.

About 9 percent of the subset of 6,877 girls studied had gotten pregnant. The highest rates of juvenile delinquency were found among girls who had abortions or gave babies up for adoption, Wilder says.

However, they noticed that girls who kept their babies were no more delinquent than girls who had never gotten pregnant. The most common types of delinquency involved alcohol consumption or petty criminal activity, Wilder adds.

Other researchers have asserted that the real cause of juvenile delinquency is spending time with delinquent friends. But statistical tests revealed that the effects of pregnancy on juvenile delinquency remain strong even when keeping unsavory company is taken into account.

In general, teenagers who live with both parents have lower rates of delinquency than those who do not. Moreover, there is little connection between receiving welfare and delinquency among young girls. But girls who got pregnant were more likely to come from homes where at least one parent received welfare or from families that were not intact. This background of family structure and economic disadvantage may partially explain the higher rates of problem behavior among pregnant adolescents, Wilder says.

In seeking to determine whether motherhood made girls less delinquent or whether girls who chose motherhood were less likely to become delinquent anyway, Wilder says, "Our findings confirm that girls who become pregnant are indeed different from their peers."

Overall, girls who experienced pregnancies tended to have higher rates of smoking or marijuana use. Before pregnancy, the girls who would end up keeping their babies smoked or used marijuana more than the girls who never got pregnant.

"After pregnancy, however, these same respondents had substance abuse rates about 45 percent lower than those of their never-pregnant peers," Wilder says. "Girls who kept their babies were especially likely to quit smoking and to stop using marijuana. Our findings support the notion that adolescent pregnancy is linked to a complex array of problem behaviors, but the nature of those links depends upon the outcome of the pregnancy."

###

FOR MORE INFORMATION:
Health Behavior News Service: (202) 387-2829 or www.hbns.org.
Interviews: Contact Esther I. Wilder at (718) 960-1128 or ewilder@gc.cuny.edu.
The Sociological Quarterly: Visit http://www.ucpress.edu/journals/tsq.

BY AARON LEVIN, SCIENCE WRITER HEALTH BEHAVIOR NEWS SERVICE

[dl]

The following link was originally posted by Skye Hardwick:
http://www.adoptioninformationinstitute.org/JGuide.html

There are 500,000 teen births in the United States every year. (http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/releases/02facts/teenbirths.htm)
Less than 1% (www.agi-usa.org/pubs/fb_teen_sex.html) of teens make an adoption plan.
56% of teens that became pregnant gave birth;
30% sought abortions;
14% miscarried.
Children of adolescent mothers are more than twice as likely to be abused or neglected compared to the children of mothers in their early 20s. (www.robinhood.org/approach/KHK.pdf)
Since teen parents are at greater risk for neglect and abuse, the low adoption rate of the children of teens has contributed to a crisis in foster care.
More than 80%-85% of teens receive their pre-natal counseling in a health care setting. The inability of health care workers to offer adequate counseling on adoption is compounded by the fact that most social service agencies, which provide adoption counseling, do not work in such settings meaning few teens are counseled on adoption.
In health settings, workers avoided, glossed over, or poorly handled adoption counseling.
60% of pregnancy counselors never mentioned adoption while 40% gave inaccurate information.
The provision of accurate information resulted in a 19% increase in the creation of adoption plans.*
Birth parents are those who cannot care for the children born to them at a particular time in their lives.
Some may be too young, although most teens do not make an adoption plan.
Many choose adoption if they are single and want a two-parent home for their child.
Others may suffer physical or mental illness.
Some have had their parental rights terminated owing to abuse or neglect.
Internationally, war, famine, social or political upheaval and poverty may also lead to the adoption of children.
Most doing voluntary placements are in their late teens and twenties, although there is an increasing number who are in their 30s and even 40s.
Some are married couples who cannot care for more children than they already have.

The point is: the human condition is problematic. It is filled with a vast mix of complex issues, of which adoption may or may not play a part. The life experiences of triad members cannot be attributed solely to something as simple as the mere fact they have been touched by adoption. There is much more, including the psychological makeup of the individual, and how they face life in general. It is how they deal with the issues encountered during their lives, not solely the issues themselves.