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  #1  
Old 03-06-2005, 08:50 PM
confused85 confused85 is offline
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Adopt a child w/autism

Hi, I was just wondering if anyone think anyone would want to adopt and love a little boy with autism? I have the most beautiful wonderful son in the world. And I am considering giving him up for adoption. I love my baby more than anything else in the world. I can't even explain it from the moment I felt him move inside of me to the exact second I first laid eyes on him I didn't understand how I could love someone so much that I didn't even know. I had my son when I was 16 and I dropped out of school when I was in eighth grade My husband works but I can't b/c I can't find a job to cover daycare costs ( I also have another son thats a year younger) My oldest boy has autism and he needs a special therpy called ABA to help hiim learn so many many children with autism have went through this program and became normal little boys and girls but it costs up to 60,000 dollors a year and we only make 20,000. I have tried to get grants I've wrote to the governor talk show hosts everything. I know my son caould be a normal little boy I just can't afford to help him. I hope this makes since I can't see the screen for crying. Someone please reply
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  #2  
Old 03-06-2005, 09:02 PM
donemberc donemberc is offline
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confused85, I am so touched by your post. I can't see the screen either because of tears. I really admire your courage and strength. I can really tell that you love this little boy so much. I wish there was something I could do to help you. At least give you a hug. Sombody is out there that will be able to help you find the family you are looking for, for your son. There are agencies that specialize in special needs adoptions. I would love to be your friend and listen any time. You can also private message me.
~Em
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  #3  
Old 03-06-2005, 09:11 PM
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Cobb Cobb is offline
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Confused, most children with medical special needs qualify for assisstance through Medicaid and SSI. Are you aware of any programs in your area who offer the treatment your son needs. If so, contact the social worker who works there and see if she can connect you to the support services available. If not, speak with your diagnosing physician, they too should be able to contect you with services.

I can't image the stress and sadness you feel. I hope you realize the answer doesn't have to mean placing him in an adoptive home.
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Old 03-06-2005, 09:26 PM
confused85 confused85 is offline
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My son does recieve medicade and SSI however the thearpy he needs does not accept medicade and SSI would only be enough to pay for less than 1% He is also in our states early intervention program where he sees a speech therpist and an OT he also has a developmental ped and regaular ped. This helps him some but some just isn't good enough for my son. ABA is an intensive one on one program lasting between 20 and 40 hour a week priced at the least $40 dollars an hour. That is what he needs to become what he can be I know it in my heart and it kills me not to be able to provide him with this.
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Old 03-06-2005, 09:53 PM
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Confused, I'm sorry to here that those programs don't cover his needed treatment. Have you contacted a National Autism Organization, maybe there are grants available or special funds that could help you get the treatment you need.

I guess I would just hate to see you place your son because your unable to get the services you need.

If you are certain, that you are at a point where making an adoption plan is your only option, I would suggest that you contact a local adoption agency in your area. They would be able to answer all your questions and help you find a family that is right for your son.

It is not the point of these particular forums to make connections between potential adoptive parents and biological parents. In fact, I believe that doing so is against the Terms of Services. There may be other websites that could help you connect, but you won't find that here. <--- Just an FYI, since I know you are new to the forums

I really hope that you find away to get funding for the program your son needs, since it's obvious from your heartfelt post that you love and want what's best for him. If not and you decide to make an adoption plan, I wish you all the best...
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  #6  
Old 03-06-2005, 10:16 PM
Jensboys Jensboys is offline
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Just a refresher of the Terms of Service. The forums are for SUPPORT and finding people who can offer you advice and options. The forums are NOT a place where you can be matched with interested adoptive parents or interested birthparents.

Community Websites are NOT places for adoptive parents or adoption professionals to solicit birthparents. So many people visit the Community Websites that birthmothers get "pounced on" from dozens of different people if this rule is not strictly observed. Adoption Media is committed to making the Community Websites places where birthparents feel safe. It is not appropriate for adoption professionals or hopeful parents to post "I can help" messages, or Internet addresses for birthmothers to visit, or to send this type of e-mail to birthmothers.

Conversely, it is not appropriate for birthparents to use the Community Websites to solicit adoptive parents. Are you pregnant and considering adoption? For your safety, we strongly recommend that you do not select adoptive parents or an adoption professional from the Community Websites. We have no way of know which parents on the message boards or other community services are qualified to adopt, and which professionals are reputable. Visit www.ParentProfiles.com to find information on hundreds of hopeful adoptive parents who have each met the pre-adoption requirements in their state. Visit www.AdoptionDirectory.com to find an adoption attorney, agency or other adoption professional.


Saying all that, please know that you have my greatest of sympathies and support. There is no greater hardship than knowing that your child is not receiving something they need, simply because of money. You are truly being faced with a choice of Solomon. I also know of the therapy you mention. Canadian parents are currently suing in the Supreme Court of Canada to make the govt. cover all associated costs for the very same reasons you mention. You, and your family, will be in my prayers.

Jen
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AS - 18 born 1996 adopted 1999
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BS - 13

And Mom of 3 Girls (bio sisters)

AD - 6 born 2008 adopted 2009
AD - 5 born 2009 adopted 2009
AD - 1 born 2013 adopted 2013



I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise.
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  #7  
Old 03-06-2005, 10:51 PM
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scarlet52698 scarlet52698 is offline
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I have a good friend with twin girls who are in ABA therapy. They were able to obtain a loan to help pay for the treatment. I don't know if that option would be available to you, but maybe it's worth chekcing out?

And you're right it's VERY expensive but the progress her girls have made over the last year has been astounding to say the least.

Sending prayers your way
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  #8  
Old 03-06-2005, 11:29 PM
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scarlet52698 scarlet52698 is offline
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Confused85- I've just sent you a private message with some links to some ABA funding resources that may be able to help you out.
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Heather
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  #9  
Old 03-07-2005, 08:23 AM
confused85 confused85 is offline
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Thank you for all your replys. I'm not trying to find adoptive parents I just wanted to know if anyone has or knows of anyone who has adopted a child with special needs. Yes we have already tried to get a loan and have contacted local and national autism groups to try to get funding for ABA. I do NOT want to put my son up for adoption I'm not even sure I could function if I did but if there is no other alternative to get him the help he needs we will consider it.
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  #10  
Old 03-07-2005, 08:38 AM
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scarlet52698 scarlet52698 is offline
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You obviously love your son very much and I'm so sorry that you are in this position. Please keep in mind that adoption will bring up a whole other set of issues for him since he is bonded to you.

Is there a counselor or pastor you could speak to about all this?
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  #11  
Old 03-07-2005, 08:40 AM
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Unhappy

Confused, yes there are parents who adopt children with special needs, many with autism. What I'd like you to think about though is that once an adoption is finalized, you would have no rights. You would not be able to make any decisions about his care and have no guarantees that you would have contact. So, even if a parent were to tell you that they will provide ABA therapy, that doesn't necessarily mean it will happen. With the description of the challenges that you have had finding funding and the total cost, I would think that there aren't alot of parents out there who would be able to afford it.

You have opened my eyes to a huge problem. I had no idea that parents were unable to get the best Autism treatment available due to financial constraints. That's really unacceptable. That it would leave a mom who so obviously loves her child feeling that giving him up is the only option... well, something needs to be done to change it!!

In my opinion, with or without ABA, you are the best parent for your child...
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  #12  
Old 03-08-2005, 07:27 AM
confused85 confused85 is offline
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Cobb


Do you know much about autism? Do you really feel a child can make progress with out ABA? By the way I am trying to change the fact the ABA providers dont accept medicade or insurance, Ive written to our governor and mayor sat in on several BOE metting and am going to the capital on the 25 to voice more opions.
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  #13  
Old 03-08-2005, 11:17 PM
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amyjane amyjane is offline
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Thumbs up adopting autisic children

I am a a parent who adopted an autisitc princess just 2 years ago. It is a very open adoption--birthmom even lived with us for a few months and we see her often.

Yes, I think that children with Autism can improve socially and developmentally without ABA. It is by no means the only successfull program for A.I. kids. Each kid on the spectrum is unique and responds to diffrent approaches.

We are working with our public school, a developmental/behaviorial MD, and the Hannen Centre to help with our daughter's developmental needs. It is working beautifully.

It is very expensive to have any child who needs special services, but it can be done. We are in no way wealthy, but very good at finding out about resources available to us. It does take a great deal of energy to advocate for a special needs child, but every child has a unique set of needs which are demanding.

Since our adoption was a direct placement, we do not receive any aid from the state adoption or medical subsidy program. I wish there was a better system in place for all parents of A.I kids to recieve the optimal education. Bio-parents of kids on the spectrum don't have the option of recieving subsides or help with medical needs--and perhaps they should.

I know that the financial demands are real when raising a special needs child, and the time demands are equally demanding. It would be very difficult for a singel parent to have the time, energy and resources to raise any speical needs child. Difficult but doable.

I can understand why the lack of support from family, and society in general may lead a bmom to consider an adoption plan for their A.I. child,and it is a shame that our rich nation can 't do more for bio-parents- and adoptive parents of Austic kids.

I have learned so much in the two years we have had our daughter. If anyone wants to PM me about our adoption story, or autism in general, please don't hesitate. These precious angels are my passion!

Thanks for letting me talk about these great kids.
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