[bujd02]

We have temporary custody of my husband's cousin's daughter. She is 12 mo old. CPS became involved for abuse and neglect at 4 mo and she was removed at 9 mo when her mom OD'd. The mom was taken to the hospital and revived, and she is now trying to get custody back. However, she is in jail. Her sentencing hearing is tomorrow. I am so nervous! Misty, that's the little girl, has been with us only 6 weeks. The probation officer thinks the mom will probably go to jail for quite some time, but the mom plans to fight our effort to keep Misty with us from jail! How is that possible?! It is totally unfair to Misty to tie up her life while her mother sits in jail. It would be so much better for her if she could make a clean break with her mother and start life anew with us. We were told we could probably get permanent custody, but we think the state should terminate the mother's rights so Misty doesn't have a constant reminder of how much she suffered as a baby and so she doesn't have deal with the trauma of visiting a stranger when her mother gets out of jail. CPS seems to agree with us and I think they're going to try to terminate. The mother also has an 11 year old who lives with her grandparents due to abuse and neglect. The mother has a 20 year history of drug abuse, criminal activity and mental illness but the county attorney involved thinks its only 50-50 whether or not there will be a termination despite the HORRIBLE things this woman did and failed to do in regard to both of her children. Misty has had many problems since we received custody of her. She has developmental delays, health problems and emotional problems due to the trauma she suffered at the hands of her mother. I want so badly to protect this little girl, even if it is from her own mother. What can I do? I feel so helpless, so unable to protect Misty from her unstable future. I feel like Misty (and therefore my family) is at the mercy of a system that is catering to this drug-addict, criminal, mentally unstable mother (who also happens to be a family member) that has a history of child abuse and neglect! What about what is best for Misty? It seems obvious to me (and I think to any normal human being) that termination of the mother's rights is in Misty's best interest. So why is everyone dragging their feet about it? Any advice? Anyone in a similar situation?

[debsdone]

I do not have experience with this type of situation. But I will tell you what I have learned about kids and the courts.

#1. LEARN how things work. Forget about what YOU think...learn how the courts think and operate within those guidelines. The number 1 mistake I have seen people make is ASSUMING they know best and making a case based on that. Research the judges, and know what they want to hear. (That doesn't mean to lie, just perhaps re-emphasize)

#2. BE CAREFUL about criticizing the system. The judge and the social workers are a part of that system. Think what you want, but don't piss anyone off. (That doesn't mean don't be assertive, just watch the words you use)

3. Don't take things personally. Be objective...no matter what. Keep fighting. As long as the child is under 18, NOTHING is unable to be challenged.

That is the most important stuff I know. Good Luck. Debi