[debstie]

Are there any other grandmothers out there who are trying to adopt a grandchild from their daughter? I am and it has been a nightmare. We have had the child since he was 6 mos and now he is 3, but my daughter, who has serious mental and physical problems, will not agree to adoption. The legal fees are about to deplete our savings and the stress of fighting my own daughter is overwhelming. Anyone have any similar experience that can shed some light or hope? Thanks.

[Perfect7]

I'm not going to be an adoptive grandparent, but an adoptive aunt. My sister has serious mental problems, and the stress of a contested adoption is more draining than can be understood by those not going through it. My parents adopted my sister's first child (he's now 17). At first, my sister consented to permanent guardianship and then later consented to the adoption. Is it possible your daughter would consent to permanent guardianship?
Another option might be to get child protective services involved if it's possible your daughter will physically take your grandson from your care and you fear for his safety.
I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone out there. I applaud you for taking care of your grandson for so long, and hope things turn around soon.

[MamaS]

I had my grandson from 18 months (temporary custody) to 3 years old (adoption). DFCS was not involved. I got legal custody while my daughter was given a "case plan" by the judge. Every 6 months we went before the judge, she had done nothing, and finally he gave me permanent guardianship. As my grandson's guardian I filed for adoption as being in his best interest.
I did have a lawyer and the legal fees were outrageous. She had a free lawyer, with whom she never even bothered to stay in contact.

[debstie]

Yes, my daughter is on disability and claims she is a pauper (although she drives a newer car than I do) so everything is free for her. We did not even want visitation, but have gone through supervised visitations which have had a negative impact on him. He regressed and started wetting the bed and pooh poohing in his pants. We went to a child advocate who said these were red flags, but then told the guardian ad litum that it was "normal". We have had no help from anyone. The gardian ad litum did not even meet Lake until AFTER all the visitations had taken place, so she could not compare a before and after. We have court next Friday and I am really expecting the GAL to recommend unsupervised visits which will be very detrimental. My daughter not only has mental issues (OCD, bipolar) but has physical problems and epilepsy. There is no way she should be left alone with him. Our atty has not done anything to help. The GAL was supposed to subpoena all the medical records, but I do not know if she did. She may have subpenaed one, but she has had many since she was 16. I am just terrified that something will happen to him. Any suggestions on how to handle court next Friday?

[debstie]

Also, she went for 2 years not seeing him and never sent a card, a present or a penny to help with him. She was arrested and convicted of prescription fraud, but did not go to jail because she went into a drug program (although, she does not really have a drug problem = so now that she is "clean" everyone things she has changed, but her problem was not drugs, but her mental state). She did try to get him back, telling me that she lived in a wonderful home with loving, caring people. That was who she was arrested with and who neighbors said had people coming and going all hours of the night... Now she was living with the brother of this girl, but I heard she "broke up" with him and is living alone. This is all a nightmare and I am terrified for our grandson.

[Perfect7]

Do you currently have guardianship of your grandson? Was he in your care because the State placed him with you or because your daughter let you take him? If your attorney isn't helpful I'd find one who is. You may also wish to file a "child in need of care" petition, which will show your grandson has been deprived due to lack of any support by your daughter in years (financial, emotional, basic care by her, etc). I hope you have kept a journal of some sort documenting the events over the years. If not, I'd start one ASAP. You can also petition for child support. Sometimes that has a way of making people have a change of heart about a "child of convenience". They just want to parent when it's convenient for them but if it costs them actual effort and/or money it's no longer any fun.
Every State is so different, so I'd first dig into the law of your State. It's too bad your attorney is so worthless.

[kidscomefirst]

I hope that you see my message given that you posted earlier this month.
I am a grandparent who just adopted my grandson on May 4,2011. My daughter lived with us at the time of the adoption. Since then, our daughter has ran off and got married to a guy she just met and moved out of our home. She got a lawyer to say that we kicked her out and convinced her unfairly to adopt. She wants him back. WE have to go to court on Aug. 4th and pray the judge sides with us or our newly adopted son will go to live with her and the new guy in her life. Adopting a grandchild does not end the nightmares. Maybe, if the judge sides with us, this termoil will ease.

[Mom2J]

kidscomefirst,

There is always a time period after an adoption (which varies from state to state) that a bio parent can come back to say the adoption was fraudulant or done under duress. It depends on your state. Our state was 1-year from the date, but the parent must "prove" it was fraudulent or they were under "extreme duress" when they signed.

Did your daughter go to court with you for finalization? How long ago did she terminate her parental rights? To overturn an adoption, it takes A LOT. It is not done lightly. Now, the courts must hear the case, due to trying to make sure she did not have the above reasons happen. If you pm or post your state, we can take a look at your time frames and what must be done to overturn your adoption.

If you don't have an attorney, get one YESTERDAY. Make sure your attorney is knowledgable with adoption and contested adoption. There probably aren't a lot that have experience with overturning one, but if they have contested experience, it will definitely help.

Mom2J

[gerber]

I'm worried about the same thing happening to me.
I live in IL and the adoption was final 4/17/2011
My ex-daughter in law gave up her parental rights 3/10/2011

Can anyone tell me how long she has to try to take him back? I was told 30 days but after seeing this I'm worried. Could she have a year? She keeps saying she is going to go to the court house and say she lied and did not really want to give him up and was pressured into it because DCFS was involved. She just wants me to give her money.

[Mom2J]

From what I've read so far, consent is irrevocable in Illinois. The top of her document that she signed to give consent for the adoption states: FINAL AND IRREVOCABLE CONSENT TO ADOPTION Your adoption petition wouldn't have gone through without it. As long as this was signed more than 72-hours after the birth, it is legally binding.

As for the adoption, I have found nothing regarding revocation of adoption.

[hkolln]

She'll have to prove fraud or duress and good luck with that. I doubt she'd win. If you offered her X to give the baby up then she could possibly win but I'm assuming that's not the case and she's just angry. I would find an attorney just in case and find out your legal rights. She's probably just blowing off steam and trying to manipulate you. Don't let her do that!


Time for Revocation for Illinois:

• Consents not revoked within 72 hours after the birth are irrevocable unless obtained by fraud or duress.
• The father may revoke consent within 72 hours after the birth.
  
  

[kidscomefirst]

I live in PA and my daughter signed the paper to give up her rights on Feb. 25, 2011. Her termination hearing was on April 12th and she did not attend that.

We agreed with her that she would be in his life and that he would live here with us as we would raise him, but she would help us. She would get medical pow jointly with us, but not instead of us, and she would have the right to talk with his teacher's when he goes to school. But we did not have anything written up legally for this discussion.

[Mom2J]

Kidscomefirst, I did a search of PA law and here is what I've found...

Revocation of Consent
Citation: Cons. Stat. Ch. 23 § 2711
The revocation of a consent shall be in writing and shall be served upon the agency or adult to whom the child was relinquished. The following apply:
•For a consent executed by a birth mother, the consent is irrevocable more than 30 days after the execution of the consent.

An individual who executed a consent to an adoption may challenge the validity of the consent only by filing a petition alleging fraud or duress within the earlier of the following timeframes:
•60 days after the birth of the child or the execution of the consent, whichever occurs later
•30 days after the entry of the adoption decree

A consent to an adoption may be invalidated only if the alleged fraud or duress is proven by:
•A preponderance of the evidence in the case of consent by a person age 21 or younger
•Clear and convincing evidence in all other cases

Mom2J

[kidscomefirst]

Thank you MOM2J for the information My daughter is 21 so i guess we are looking at a perponderence of the evidence (except I dont think there is any). We had discussions about her options once by text about her changing her mind but she decided against that before her termination hearing and wanted us to adopt.

[jcotton]

We too would like to adopt our granddaughter. We have had her for a year now. My daughter was 18 when she got pregnant and her boyfriend was 17. They were married for six months before they split leaving our granddaughter with us. Neither one pays child support. Baby girl calls me mawmaw and mama and my hubby is poppa.

My daughter sees her about once/twice a week the dad might see her twice a month (maybe if even that). They do not have their divorce yet. But let me tell you, get gets difficult for baby girl to go from our house, to her house to his house and we are the pick up location. We have to live our lives, in a way, around their schedules. My daughter moved in with a much older man (33 y/o, yeah I know, she went from a boy to a man). She has had a year now to get her life together. I think she would agree to let us adopt, but I think she need pre and post counseling. I’m not sure that father would be willing to give baby girl up, she’s a chick magnet. Cute as a button and has a great disposition. He also does not have a job (he 18 now by the way), nor a car, nor a place to live, currently though he claims he is living with his uncle. He cannot provide and does not provide for her.

We will be claiming baby girl on our taxes since we are the main care givers. Provided the daddy doesn’t claim her first. He is the type that would.

I was wondering if there is anyone here who has been adopted by their grandparent and your sister is actually your mom. Our daughter would see her daughter frequently; we have a fairly close relationship. I don’t won’t her to feel like she is being coerced into letting us adopt. But the waiting game has got to come to an end. Either let us adopt or come get her. We have even offered to continue to pay for daycare, but again, if we do, we claim her on our taxes.