[grandmommie]

I stumbled across this site while looking for information and after reading some of the posts and answers decided that this seemed like a supportative environment to start looking for some answers and advice. I'll try my best to keep this as to the point as I can.

I am 47 and my husband is 52. We live in PA. Our (grand)son will be 5 in a few weeks. We have cared for him since birth. My daughter was 17 when she gave birth to him and left our home when he was 2 weeks old and has not lived with us since that time. She has drug and alchohol issues and is currently serving a 2-4 yr prison sentence. While pregnant with D. she spent some time in a mental health facility for the same reasons (d&a). At age 3 D. was diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. D. refers to us as mommie and daddy and our daughter by her first name (she initiated this). This is the short version but I am willing to answer ? if you have any.

Soon after our daughter left our home we got together and had a custody order drawn up and filed at the courthouse. A few months later I contacted the court and we had a conference with a judge who awarded my husband and I guardianship. Things have remained this way ever since and there have been very few problems.

We have begun to seriously think about adoption for alot of reasons. 1. My husband and I are not elderly but in the event that something should happen to either or both of us we want to make sure that D. is protected. Things like social security survivors benefits, who would care for him etc.... are important. 2. D's special needs make it important that he have stability and structure in his life and we don't want to run the risk of having that disrupted for any reason. He has worked so hard and made so much progress in the past couple of years. 3. He is our son. We are his parents.

D. has never been "in the system" and we would like to keep it that way. CYS in our county is not known for efficiency, fairness or speed of action. I have not brought up the subject of adoption with my daughter at this point. While she is very willing to allow the situation, as it now exists, to continue; I am not so sure that she is going to be open to voluntarily terminating her parental rights.

How do I get the process started? Does the fact that bmom is in prison make a difference? If she decides to fight us over this, what are the chances that we would ultimately loose him? I think that scares me more than anything.

I apologize that this got so long winded but would really appreciate any input/opinions. Thank you ahead of time to anybody that responds to this.

Grandmommie

[feelingreyt]

First of all you need to contact an attorney.
Even though your daughter may not VTPR, the fact that you have had your son in your home his entire life, 5 years, is going to help you alot. The Judge may terminate her rights without her consent.
Good luck. I know this has to be emotionally draining on your and hubby.

[LoViN_LiFe]

Get an attorney! If she will not vptr...then get a judge too. If something was to happen tomorrow what would happen to your son?! Its scary to think about, but reality. I dont know where you live, but in Texas the chances that you would completely "lose" him are slim to none. No matter what you could invoke your grandparents rights! Good Luck and please seek the advise of an attorney it truley is the best thing for your son

[mommy2fiveplus]

First of all, it is very unlikely that he would be removed from your home for any reason, even if she fought TPR.

If it were me I would ask her to voluntary TPR, if she does not I would apply for TPR based on abandonment.

Good Luck to you, relative adoption is emotional trying but can be successful.