[7brats]

I am reading this forum and I am so thankful that for the most part kinship adoption / fostering does work.However have any of you experienced it not working? As I said before I have a family member I am thinking of taking,however the mother is addicted to drugs,all of the other members are also not a resource.They love to fight and keep drama amongst each other and I really don't know them well because of their lifestyle.
I already have 4 children of my own although I am a registered foster parent.
It scares me because this is my family and I feel obligated to them,but they are not nice people for lack of a better word so I am thinking to leave the situation alone and wait for a non relation foster care placement.
I am torn because I want to and I don't. I know taking these children will overwhelm me because they need counsoling, therapy and the agency would require me to do so many hours of additional training and classes not to mention it will make me associate with the part of my family who I know will cause me problems.
There is also a question of neglecting my own children to take care of these who need so much care.I would hate to move these children from a foster home only to find out I cannot do it and have them moved back into the system. That would really make my family mad at me.Some are mad at me because I want to and say I should mind my own business others are mad say I need to step in and do something. But for some reason I think it wont work and it has me really torn up.
Is there any feedback on situations when it did not work and how did you feel?

[Barksum]

Does it ever work? Short answer is, yes, it does sometimes work.

I think that what you want to know, though, is will it work for YOU.

You need to list out your priorities; what are the top three? Probably somewhere on there is caring for your kids. If having a foster placement (relative or no) will disrupt your ability to care for your kids they you can't take the placement.

I wasn't sure from your post if the kids are IN care already, or if they are hovering on the bring of coming into care. When you take a foster placement, what are the specifics that you can/can't take? Do you only do shelter care? (that's what our agency called it when you could only take a child for a few days until a relative could be certified, or a longer term foster home could be located) Do you only do one or two kids at a time? Do you only take kids of certain ages? What are the specifics you have when you consider a foster placement?

If your relatives do not fall within those considerations you have when you accept a foster placement in your home then think long and hard before accepting them. (As you are doing.)

If the kids do come into care (or are already) can you offer to do respite care for them every once in awhile? Can you still be the aunt (grandma, cousin, whatever your relationship is) to them without having them full time? Can you do visits?

Bottom line is that it is ok to say no to taking a relative if you can't do it. This does not make it EASY to say no, and yes there will be some fallout over whatever decision you make. We did adopt a relative, and we did say no to adopting another one. We can't. But boy did I agonize over that decision and it does still hurt.

[7brats]

Thank you,you gave me so much more to think about.My relatives are already in care,in a home they are doing okay in and I do not think they will ever be returned,It is a hard decision ,one that will take a lot of thought.Hopefully I will come up with the best option for everyone involved.
Again,thank you for sharing your situation,knowing that someone else has been where I am now gives me some comfort.

[LoViN_LiFe]

It does work...alot! From the things you said it may be best to let the kids stay where they are...and maybe get visits. I know its hard when your family members need help..been there, but its not always best to intervene. I really wouldnt think twice about family being mad at me, but the fact that it would effect me and my kids, would play a HUGE part in my decesion. When AD bio mom (my great-neice) was preg again they asked if DH and I would take baby, we declined since AD was only a year and half and I was 6 months pregnant, it was not best for our family. We did request to be in contact with new babies adoptive family, and we are. Let us know what you choose to do!