[erinVA]

Ok, a little background information. My fiance and I are getting married in October this year. We are both 25 years old and planned on waiting to have kids until about 30 or so.

My cousin (Jamie) had a baby at 17. Her and the father (Brandon) planned on getting married eventually but have been living together in Nevada with the baby since she was born. The baby's name is Hailey and she will be 1 year old this April.

Recently Jamie has been showing signs of neglecting baby Hailey spending hours on the computer and not feeding or changing Hailey. Well last week she disappeared. She ran away to Arizona with someone she met on the internet. She decided she doesn't want to be a mom anymore, she doesn't want to marry Brandon, she is just done with that life. She has expressed to her mother (my aunt) that she does miss Hailey and that maybe she would come 'visit' in a few weeks, but she doesn't want to raise Hailey anymore. Brandon doesn't think he can do it alone. Between Brandon's mother and Jamie's mother they have been trying to juggle taking care of the baby and at times Brandon is out hanging out with his friends rather than helping out with Hailey. My aunt loves Hailey but she doesn't know how much longer she can do this, she already has a daughter with emotional disorders that is in middle school and she is a nurse with odd hours at work. The last week has been very hard on her and she has contemplated putting Hailey up for adoption.

Upon finding all this out my fiance and I are very worried for little Hailey. Its not fair to her that her parents were so young when they had her and are not very mature about the situation and I don't think she should have to suffer for that. She looks so much like my mom's side of the family that it breaks my heart to imagine her growing up with people that are not in the family. My fiance and I are considering talking to my aunt about possibly adopting Hailey. It doesn't exactly fit in with the plan we thought we had but 'the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry'. My fiance and I are very loving caring people and could provide a wonderful home for little Hailey to grow up in.

I know that the fact that we aren't married yet isn't ideal. And neither of us have any other children, so this would be very new to both of us. Does anyone think this would be a bad idea? This is all very new and we are trying to decide if this is a good idea and if we are ready to jump in head first and raise this baby before we contact my aunt about it. I would really love input from people who have been there or just have an opinion on the matter. We just want whats best for Hailey.

Thank you!
-Erin

[EZ2Luv]

How wonderful of you and your fiance to want to help. Maybe you could possible become foster parents to this baby. Your cousin is young, she is missing her baby, could it be she is just overwelhmed right now. Adoption is a PERMANANT soultion to TEMPORARY problems. You cousin will grow up . Another possibility is you can offer to help her. She obviously loves her baby. I am an adoptee who hit the "Adoption Lottery" when my wonderful parents adopted me, however I am of the belief that unless a baby is in danger, all should be done to keep families in tact.
Honestly, from the way you describe your cousin, she is just wanting to be a regular 17 year old. Parenting is hard enough and at 17 all though doable, is very hard.

EZ

[RobinKay]

erin, whatever you do, don't let this child go into foster care. You don't need to be a foster parent to raise her if she is still being cared for by family. Get the parents to sign legal guardianship papers for you. You can just go pick her up from your aunt.

Be sure your fiance really, really wants to do this. A little one is a LOT of work and it's expensive to raise a child. Be sure you can both commit to being her parents 100%.

Lastly, be aware that Hailey's mother or father can just come and get her at any time if all you are is the legal guardians. You may get your heart broken when mother or father "grows up" and realizes what they have lost. You may want to push to adopt ASAP if you decide to do this, and protect your future and Hailey's future.

My message is pretty serious and direct--you are contemplating a serious life decision not just for you and your fiance, but for your whole family. Decide quickly, and then act quickly. Do not let the child go into foster care.

My background on this--I am 54 yrs. old, my husband is 55. We adopted our nephew--he was 6 1/2 and had been in foster care for 18 months. It was almost impossible to get him "back out" and back with his family. I have a long thread about this under foster adoption-what is it like. You can find it by clicking on my name and looking for all threads started by me.

Our son is doing great by the way--he gets cards and sometimes gifts from his birthparents, and I keep in touch with them via phone calls, etc. When we go back to Florida on a visit, we see them and our son is fine.

I pretty much just read the forums these days--rarely post--but your situation touched me.

I will be thinking of you and wishing your family all the best, whatever your decision is.

Best wishes on your decision--

[AlexzandersMom]

I agree with Robin. If you feel this is right for your family than get the parents to sign you as her legal guardians. I have custody of my niece and nephew. I am in the process of adopting my nephew who is 2 1/2 months old (that was decided when my sister was pregnant) but my niece's future is still up in the air. If she was available for adoption I would definately adopt her too.
I have had custody of my niece since she was nine months old, she is now 3 1/2 except for about 5 months last year when my sister got her back.
Keeping the child in the family is important but it is a big decision. If you are your fiance are willing to take little Hailey into your home and give her a stable home than I say go for it.