[8monthstogo]

Hello,

My younger sister just found out that she is pregnant again with what would be her second child. Now, she doesn't believe in abortion which is good for me because she wanted me to adopt her child. I can't have kids so I am thrilled.

The problem is, I live in a very small area and I can't get anyone to talk to me. My fiance and I are low income and so we can't really afford the outrageous attorney fees. I have been reading some of the forums and some people are saying that it is as easy as the parents signing over their parental rights. Others say that you have to get a lawyer and go through an agency and like I said, really really can't afford that. We have been trying for a year and will one miscarriage and no other pregnancies and no money to try other ways of conceiving, we feel like this is a blessing in disguise.

My sister doesn't want any part in the child's life. She is already calling it our baby. The only problem is the legal side of it. Is there a way of doing this without the enormous attorney fees? If there isn't, my sister said that she would just give us custody until we could afford an attorney, would that work? I need to know how I can go about this with the least money involved. I feel like it should be easy, my sister wants to give me a child! Why should money restrictions prohibit us to have it? I just need some advice, any advice! I just want this to be done legally. Please, anybody that has been in a similar situation or knows someone who has, please, please help us! We have been doing this for a month and a half and every lead is a lead to a dead end and we are starting to wonder if it will ever happen for us. Thank you for any advice that you have!

[Sdirector]

What you need to do is to check the laws in your state. Most states now have the statutes available online. In our state, it would be under "Probate Law," and you should be able to find all of the information about adoption law.

Then, you need to see what is involved. In our state, no lawyer or agency is necessary. Where the child is a blood relative, no homestudy is necessary. What you essentially need is all of the paperwork completed properly, and that is not too difficult. You file the paperwork with the fees at the probate office, and they process from there. The court will notify everyone of hearings, which will include the birthmother going before the judge, and testifying to her release of all parental rights. The judge will ask her questions, to make certain that she understands what she is doing. He will grant termination of parental rights, and in no less than 30 days (time of appeal), he will grant you an adoption.

Now, do I suggest this? No. This is a complex "transaction," and with the emotions and needs of so many people involved, can cause some real problems, making it necessary to have everything done correctly. A good lawyer is a great resource for this.

Shop around for a good adoption attorney. Basically, all that they will be doing is completing paperwork. Perhaps you can get a better price from one by arranging to do some of the work yourself?

I know that our lawyer bills at $185.00 per hour, with a $3000 retainer, but our adoptions, even from a relative, are anything but simple. However, it is hard to imagine the paperwork from a simple relative adoption that is not contested taking much more than four to five hours, so it might cost you less than $1000.00. There are many ways to pay for this... part time job, sell something, yard sale... use your imagination! This is important enough, and lasts for a lifetime, so you want it done right.

[Nalansor]

Sdirector definitely gave good advice, but definitely start by checking the laws in your state. A google search should reveal them pretty easily.

Some states allow for the adoption you're looking for simply because it's so close in generations/family.

*Edited to remove agency/adoption service website. Please remember to pm this information*

Afterthought: whether you use a lawyer or not, definitely seek counseling, especially for the birthmom. Counseling for unsure birthmothers is usually free, at least that's what my experience was. Counseling will help birthmom make sure this is the right decision in her heart of hearts and prepare you both for what to expect...especially in the hospital when the child is born. By addressing concerns and possibilities ahead of time, you'll both be better prepared than "winging it." You wouldn't believe the emotions involved in this.

For me, I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt for my birthmom because of the pain/suffering she endured just to place her child with me. Like your birthmom, this is what she wanted to do/in family, but I was very surprised by my reaction. Thanks to excellent counseling (through the Women's Pregnancy Center), we were ready.

[yessisan]

have you been able to figure out how to do this? I am in the same situation as you, well, the difference is that the baby's bio mom is my husband's sister.

[Joei_in_NJ]

bumped for updates.....

[Tudu]

We did an independent adoption for one of my girls and it cost me hardly anything. I paid the lawyer $1000 in trade through a trade bank and $250 for the court ordered HS. Our lawyer filed for us and the court sent out a SW. It was painless and very inexpensive. We currently have a very open relationship with her mother that is greatly valued by all of us. I second the counseling suggestion.

[BrandyHagz]

I realize this thread is OLD - but I wanted to point something out...

Most all states say:

If the petitioner is a blood relative of the child, the court may waive the requirement of a home study and report.

Note the use of the word "may" - this should not be an expectation.

While some users on this forum have been granted the adoption of a blood related relative without a homestudy - this is NOT the norm.

In recent years - even in states where they don't specifically address the need (or lack of need) for an adoption homestudy for a step-parent adoption - some courts are demanding them.

Typically, however, court ordered homestudies cost a ton less than those done by private agencies - so holding off until you go to court *might* be a good idea...