[shae961]

My nephew is 3. I have a feeling he will be going into states care. I want him if he does. His mother my neice has many charges againest her. I know that she will be going to jail. My sister(grandma) has him right now but she can't afford to take care of him she has two small kids at home 3 and 5. I understand that she would keep him. J's dad is a loser too. He and my neice are into drugs and stealing so he would not be a good place for my nephew. I just adopted my daughter in sept and am waiting to get home studied approved again. We have a lawyer all set up already just in case. What should I all be doing? I don't want to lose him to foster care.

[hkolln]

Who has legal custody of your nephew? Does his Grandma have custody papers? If so can she sign guardianship over to you?

Or you can wait til he's taken by CPS and then ask them to place with you. Not sure how that would work but I'd find an attorney to figure out your best route.

[cantbuymeluv]

I am STILL fighting for my nephew It has almost been a YEAR and he is in CA, same as me but 12 hours North. So is your nephew in same town or close by? VISIT him as OFTEN as possible, take photos, videos, BOND with him and have overnights if possible. Send photos of you two together so he can see you when you are not there, call EVEN if for a moment because I know they are busy at that age LOL Can you take videos and have caretaker (grandma play it for him), record you reading books on tapes or CDs and then give him the book to read along with when you are not there. GET proof of all of this and mail him letters with confirmation receipts too and start a FILE of all of this.
Write down EVERY time you do ANYTHING for him, keep receipts, names, times, every little thing that has to do with him and or the SW, etc.
THEN write a formal request to have him to the SW, their supervisor, the District Manager of SS there, and the child's attorney (if and when he gets one). MAKE it KNOWN that you are there and WANT him, and keep up that relationship, attend hearings, ASK the bio mom for dates, or the current caregiver will know too. GET approved ASAP! ASK ASK for him, keep copies of letters, get confirmation receipts for EACH one given.
Be sure to ask for temporary AND permanent placement. THEY can find a way to exclude you if you don't IF they want they can keep you in the loop, if they don't..............they can make it SOOOOOOOOOOOOO tough on you that you will want to cry.
I am not trying to scare you just tell you what I did and then some that I WISH that I had. Since we are SO far away and I have 5 kids, I could NOT travel there easily during the school year. I CANNOT believe they use that against me or the fact that my husband stays home with the 5 kids now to keep up their soccer, choir, school, etc. while I go see my nephew. The trips are 4 -6 days each time for me and it IS tough. BUT I keep fighting!
If being with you is ideal do NOT stop. The system in CA has a LOT of loop holes that they CAN use for you or AGAINST you if they want. My nephew never got a CASA worker, and the child's attorney did NOT know about me until I got MY attorney involved in July 2008. My nephew has been in care since Nov. 2007 and I FORMALLY requested him in DECEMBER 2007!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS AWFUL, do NOT let them push you aside, don't just ask for him, SEND formal letters and cc it to their superiors!
Each day that passes and he is in care, the caregiver gets more priority than anyone else, bonds form, etc.
Good luck and I may sound a bit paranoid BUT this is my fight for my nephew, who lived with me for the first 10 months of his life. LOL He was 17 months when they picked him up out of my sister's care and NOW he is 29 months OLD!!!!!!!!!! He has been in 2 foster homes, besides the emergency one. THE one he is in now is FIGHTING me to adopt him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TPR is set for December 5th and I am really scared.
So that is why I think you should be VERY organized and proactive. Forgive the urgency in my words
Good luck again.
KF

[hkolln]

Yes document document document. Great suggestions by other posters too! Try and stay in as much contact as feasibly possible...don't give up. In our case the FP's wouldn't return our phone calls when we tried calling. The SW tried to block us from visiting. It's not fun but don't give up!

[shae961]

My nephew lives about an hour and half away. I do go and see him as much as I can. He has stayed with me for a month here and there when I wasn't working. Right now my neice still has custody of him but the state has stepped in this past year. He went to live with my sister's x husband but he was returned to my neice. But now she has this charge on her and J won't be going back to grandpas because he has a domestic charge on him now so..I told my social worker when we adopted my daughter about my nephew. She gave me some numbers to call so I am going to call on monday when I get home. My poor nephew has seen so much in his young life. His mother is a drug addict, was beating by the people she dated and J saw that. I told my mom I will do anything I have to do bring him here. I will sell everything I own to get enough money for an attny. The daycare my daughter goes to is wonderful they said that he could go there if I needed it. I LOVE this daycare. My daughter was abused when she was a baby and I never let her out of my sight. I was so scared. But they are wonderful. So I think my nephew would love it there too. And during the winter months my husband is home so they could stay with him. Just trying to figure out what is all needed.. I know we have to update our homestudy. We just finalized our adoption in Sept 08.

[spicedmama]

Have you asked your neice could you raise him? It may be as simple as just asking her the question, and getting her to agree in writing. Once the State is involved then they will, of course, have to go by the State rule(s). If you sister is unable to take him, and your neice will not work any plan they give to her, or is in jail, then you want your neice and/or your sister to say, "we have another close family member who will take him." It would be much better and probably much quicker if you can get your neice to let you have him now, since she still retains custody of him.

[feelingreyt]

It would be so much easier if your neice signed custody over to you. Or if she just gave you Power Of Attorney. I would ask her about it, if I were you. However, since the State already seems to be involved it may not be possible for her to do anything, even if she wants to. Check all your State Laws.

In TN, my state, relatives can ask for the homestudy to be waived. The Judge did waive the homestudy and 6 month waiting period in our adoption. Of course, we already had physical custody of our son, so that may have helped our situation. We did not have temp custody of him, however, just POA.

Hope this helps....Good luck.

CONGRATS ON THE FINALIZTION OF YOUR ADOPTION!!!

[Hadley2]

Originally Posted by feelingreyt

It would be so much easier if your neice signed custody over to you.

No, I don't think it would be easier at all. I think it would be a big mess myself.

Taking legal custody and bypassing the system that provides everyone due process and safety, services, and permanency to the child would be doing a big disservice to the child and the op's family.

That leaves the child in limbo with an absent legal parent who can still call the shots on what religion to raise him, who he must visit/associate with, what medical care he can receive, what educational plans and services he can have, etc., all the decisions and rights of a parent, including the right to sue you for return, with little to none of the responsibility. Even if there are court orders granting you certain kinds of decision making, as long as the parents retain their rights, they can sue to get those orders changed or overturned. And even if she or the father never challenged you, your nephew would grow up knowing that he is not your son unless you pay the legal freight to get his parents' rights terminated and free him for adoption by you.

I think the first best thing you can do, right now, is to start the process to become licensed as a foster parent. You don't want to avoid the foster care system in your nephew's case, I think you want to be a part of it and benefit from it for both him, his needs, and your family's legal and financial safety and peace of mind.

In most states, you can foster the child as a relative with fewer requirements than a licensed foster parent and take placement almost as quickly--some states require the agency to investigate you and approve/disapprove a homestudy and placement within 24 hours. Others can drag their feet. Anyway, in a crisis, you can be there as a relative and get placement within the foster system and still work on your license.

Why a license? Lots of reasons, great education in the process, often better benefits for the children, including Medicaid, and child support (often not much, but every little bit helps).

Why stay in the foster care system? In addition to the benefits and services for the child, the state will make sure the parents have due process regarding their parental rights and terminate them if they are unable to parent safely. That alone could save you tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees and court costs down the road, not to mention it is only right to the child to give his family a chance at the services they need to change. And if they can't, then he will know that everyone tried.

All this may be beside the point, though, if the child already resides with his grandmother. The state won't remove him from her care just because the mother, who does not reside there, goes to jail. As far as the state is concerned, the child is not in a situation that calls for protective custody. The grandmother is in a bit of a jam, I think, if she thinks she can just say, "oh, I don't want him anymore" and him to the state now that she has accepted custody of him indefinitely. I don't think they'll take him. So, you may end up just taking him from your sister with your niece's permission. If all that starts happening, then do consult your lawyer and get a good idea of what you can do to not only "take him" but keep him safe, physically, mentally, emotionally, and legally.

Good luck to you. I hope all works out for the best for the nephew and your family.

[Hadley2]

Should have said up in the 2nd paragraph, that the parents are always free to sue you for return of the child, too. Legal custody is far from permanent or secure. It is less secure than guardianship, which is also not secure. In some states, there is no such thing as legal custody without parental rights or rights of guardianship; even in states where there is, you may find that it is not honored by school districts, hospitals, doctors, and other providers who require the signature of "parent or guardian."

[feelingreyt]

Originally Posted by Hadley2

No, I don't think it would be easier at all. I think it would be a big mess myself.

Taking legal custody and bypassing the system that provides everyone due process and safety, services, and permanency to the child would be doing a big disservice to the child and the op's family.

That leaves the child in limbo with an absent legal parent who can still call the shots on what religion to raise him, who he must visit/associate with, what medical care he can receive, what educational plans and services he can have, etc., all the decisions and rights of a parent, including the right to sue you for return, with little to none of the responsibility. Even if there are court orders granting you certain kinds of decision making, as long as the parents retain their rights, they can sue to get those orders changed or overturned. And even if she or the father never challenged you, your nephew would grow up knowing that he is not your son unless you pay the legal freight to get his parents' rights terminated and free him for adoption by you.

I think the first best thing you can do, right now, is to start the process to become licensed as a foster parent. You don't want to avoid the foster care system in your nephew's case, I think you want to be a part of it and benefit from it for both him, his needs, and your family's legal and financial safety and peace of mind.

In most states, you can foster the child as a relative with fewer requirements than a licensed foster parent and take placement almost as quickly--some states require the agency to investigate you and approve/disapprove a homestudy and placement within 24 hours. Others can drag their feet. Anyway, in a crisis, you can be there as a relative and get placement within the foster system and still work on your license.

Why a license? Lots of reasons, great education in the process, often better benefits for the children, including Medicaid, and child support (often not much, but every little bit helps).

Why stay in the foster care system? In addition to the benefits and services for the child, the state will make sure the parents have due process regarding their parental rights and terminate them if they are unable to parent safely. That alone could save you tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees and court costs down the road, not to mention it is only right to the child to give his family a chance at the services they need to change. And if they can't, then he will know that everyone tried.

All this may be beside the point, though, if the child already resides with his grandmother. The state won't remove him from her care just because the mother, who does not reside there, goes to jail. As far as the state is concerned, the child is not in a situation that calls for protective custody. The grandmother is in a bit of a jam, I think, if she thinks she can just say, "oh, I don't want him anymore" and him to the state now that she has accepted custody of him indefinitely. I don't think they'll take him. So, you may end up just taking him from your sister with your niece's permission. If all that starts happening, then do consult your lawyer and get a good idea of what you can do to not only "take him" but keep him safe, physically, mentally, emotionally, and legally.

Good luck to you. I hope all works out for the best for the nephew and your family.

I did not mean temp custody. I should have said if the mom VTPR'd and wanted the Op to adopt, then that would be the easiest way to go about bringing the child into their home.
We were able to keep my ason out of "the system" by bmom VTPRing. It was the best thing for everyone in our situation. It was not messy, was 100% legal, and PERMANENT!
I would like to add that we were not looking to adopt a child. We thought our family was complete. We were asked by the bmom to adopt her baby. It was NOT the other way around. The bmom drug addicted and in trouble with the law. After 15 months, her situation has not changed. However, my son's has, for the better!!
As for keeping a child in foster care, I just don't like that idea. If the child's mom wants to surrender her rights and let the OP adopt, that, IMO, is much better than a child staying in "the system".
We recieve no support from the State for my ason. Yes, it would be easier if we did, but he's my son, just like my bio's and I actually prefer it that way.
A permanent family has got to be better for the child's emotional well being than remaining a foster child. JMOH