[family friend]

Just wondering how things are going with your fight to gain custody of your nephew. Thinking about your case and wanted to know if there was any hope of you gaining custody?

[MamaS]

I was thinking of them today too, and looked to see if I had missed any updates. Hope good news comes soon!

[cantbuymeluv]

Hi again

I have been trying to take a break from the pain and keep my sanity. SO........I have not been on here in a while, at least not updating, etc.

Things are the same still waiting on appeals, CPS blocking us from visits but doing it "looking" like they are trying.............

Anyways, the reason that I am writing you is because my brain is NOT working. My sister had another baby 2 days ago. She lives in the same AWFUL town as the CPS workers who lie and are fighting for the fparents to get my nephew. She went into labor early and was flown to Oregon where she delivered a healthy, 35 week gestation, boy. All was good, she is nursing, etc. and still in the hospital with him. She has not had a case opened in CA for the new baby, they KNEW that she was pregnant due to court so we hoped they would leave her alone. OR at least wait for her to do something wrong.
Yesterday a CA CPS worker walked an unendorsed notice of detention for the new baby. I do NOT want that baby taken back to the same county where we KNOW they are corrupt.
So far there are no real court orders and I can't call Oregon CPS until Monday............at least that is what I think. AND I want to go pick him up NOW!
As I try to wrap my mind around this, I sent an email to the director of the CA CPS letting him know that I want the baby with me.
I was wondering if you know of a way for me to bypass that county. ?
I am sorry to ask but I am feeling a bit defeated. I will get over it, but my brain is kind of tired these days.
Thanks for any ideas you may have. I am quite fearful of that county doing a repeat of what they are STILL doing with my other nephew.

[feelingreyt]

No advice, just huggs.
You have been put through so much already, no wonder your brain is so tired.
I pray everything works out for your nephews.

[cantbuymeluv]

THANKS

After slowly.......................thinking the problem through. I spoke to quite a few lawyers and of course my sister too.
Obviously, there are some SERIOUS problems with that County and their entire way of doing things.
Quite a few of them are illegal too. Especially right now.
I guess retalliation is the game............(on their part).

Quite a few things were brought up that I had forgotten about and now I am not as worried.
THANKS! Since they frequent my blog, petition, and everything else.............I am not going to be specific, yet. I will when I can update everyone.

BUT today I want to wish ALL mother's out there a HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! I had a tiring day..............but I am so very VERY grateful to have all 5 of my children I know where they are, I know that their tummies are full, I know that they are safe and very loved, I know they are happy, and that they have unlimited potential within them and that even when they fall down, I CAN be there to pick them up. I can tend to their wounds, be it emotional or physical, and encourage them to try again and let them know how VERY proud I am of them, no matter what!

I am able to do this. I will be able to watch them do this with their kids, etc. AND for tonight I can be happy about that wonderful peace that brings me.

Thanks again

[..patience..]

just caught up on your plight. grr on cps. I have nothing to add but wonder if there is a way to avoid the county ge ting involved in the first place. like would a legal doc naming a relative as having legal and physical custndy of the kiddos in case of death, illness, incarceration, or oops I'm a bad parent this month... I mean what do folks need to put in place or have relatives put in place before something like this bad scenario happens again. good luck and be well... their actions are sickening at the least.

[hkolln]

This thing is this happens alot and you never hear about it. It's so sad Especially when relatives come up in the beginning of the case and CPS avoids them! It's so frustrating.

I hope it all works out soon. I can't believe you are still going at this!

[Hadley2]

Pardon my bluntness, but if you are serious, get your butt up to Oregon TODAY and have the mom sign this new baby over to you in some way. You may be buying a wad of legal trouble with her and/or social services down the road and you may have to actually take physical custody of the child, but at least it would at least temporarily block removal.

California has no jurisdiction in Oregon, but I do not know what legal tools may exist for CA to show OR good cause why the baby should be removed. Somebody then in CA would have to do an ICPC to actually physically move the child back. If that is not the done, the move would be illegal. Or they could simply get OR to do the removal and run it as an OR case.

Here's my question, though, and forgive me if it was asked and answered in the previous five pages, but your thoughts about removal of the new baby bring it to my mind: Are you serious about adopting and raising these children and cutting off the mother if needed to protect them? If you are not, then your home is not safe for them. I am a relative adopter, and I know that question is not as simple as it might seem to other people. It is no shadow on your character if you can't, but if you can't, I think you need to recognize that and do what's actually best for the children.

I hope all works out for the best for you, your family, and the children.

[MamaS]

Hadley is right. Get to Oregon and take physical custody of that baby. Then ask that your other nephew be placed with you on the grounds that siblings should be kept together. Use their rules against them. Children should be placed with relatives. You are a relative and you have the baby. Siblings should be placed together (and with relatives) therefore your older nephew should be placed with you and his baby brother.

[mommytoEli]

Originally Posted by MamaS

Hadley is right. Get to Oregon and take physical custody of that baby. Then ask that your other nephew be placed with you on the grounds that siblings should be kept together. Use their rules against them. Children should be placed with relatives. You are a relative and you have the baby. Siblings should be placed together (and with relatives) therefore your older nephew should be placed with you and his baby brother.

i don't know if that is legal, but i like the way you think. lol.

[cantbuymeluv]

You all are wonderful I appreciate every single word, even the "tough" questions.

To answer one of them........."Yes, I am very serious about raising my nephews." I am glad that you asked. I usually am very, very thoughtful before I move on something. I think it through and respond when I "know" all possible outcomes, to the best of my ability. I am the responsible child, the quiet one, the older sister and that is where I have lived my entire life If you ask me to do it, I get it done..........(when it is within my power)
I definitely want my nephews in our family FOREVER, I want to know them, share our funny history as a unit with them. I want to laugh at "our" inside jokes and hear their problems and try to ease, their burdens. I want my children to know their cousins, and their stories. I want all of this and more...............

I WISH that my sister had never ever needed any intervention of ANY kind, but I can't change the past, especially when it is not mine to change. I WANT my sister to get her life together and KEEP it that way, to learn from her mistakes and move forward. I do have to say that she is doing very well right now and has for a long time. A poor decision of who we date should NOT be hung over our heads forever. Beating any of us over the head with our mistakes and trying to punish us even when we have done nothing wrong lately is still unfair, unjust, and NOT how we are suppose to do things. THEIR wrongs do NOT make anything less awful...........they (cps) look worse to me because they are suppose to know better and WE (the citizens) trust them to be lawful and just.

There are people in this world that we all have to live in together, that are NOT honest, take advantage of their positions, have a God complex, and they work for our government sometimes. I thought we truly believed in the ol' "innocent until proven guilty" code...........I did not KNOW that the 'DARK' side existed before, I was naive...........I am no longer living with rose-colored-glasses when it comes to government officials, CPS, etc. Yes, there are MANY good people too BUT beware of the not-so- good ones, they can take a bad situation and make it so much worse and cost you MUCH in the meantime.
At first, I fought for custody of my nephew while things got worked out, then I fought for adoption, and STILL I fight for truth and a RELATIONSHIP with MY own nephew. I would have been happy with an aunt-nephew relationship but they changed the name of the game, I HAD to fight or lose him out of our family forever.........this still may happen with my 2 year-old nephew;(
I am a quick study, and will NOT repeat the same mistake again.
IF my sister cannot, then I will provide for my youngest nephew. Simple.
It is not only duty, not only love, but what a "family" does for one another. No holding the child hostage or turning against their biological parents, but a family, no matter what.
What if it was my child on the line? What if I was the child? I would WANT/ NEED someone to fight for me.
I honestly believe that each of these children would make the decision to BE a part of their original family.
Other's may disagree with me on many points, and as far as having an opinion, that is normal.
At the end of the day, it is ME that I go to sleep with, my integrity, my heart, and my choices. AND even if my face is tear-stained from the pain of trying and NOT winning..................yet, I can do that

So yes I do want these little boys. LOL Sorry to go off but I have been mulling everything over.

Thanks for asking because yes I agree that things can be difficult. BUT if I weigh it one way and then the other, I can ONLY live with me if I do what I am comfortable with

OK off to get some kiddo stuff done I will update more when it is safer to do so, just give me a few days))

THANKS to all..................

[hkolln]

Your thoughts are how I felt too and still feel.

Who is going to share those crazy, funny stories about biomom to our niece but my husband (her brother)? And I didn't want her to think that we didn't fight for her and want her. We are her family and we love her. Nobody but family can keep the info we have as her family alive for her. You should see her laugh and smile when my hubby tells her stories of her Mom and him growing up. How funny it is that these 2 people turned out totally different? One turned to drugs and the wrong guy (abusive) and the other joined the Navy at 17 to get away from all that and turned his life around. You can be anything you want to be! I look at this difference as a learning experience for her...that even though she may have a biomom that did not make the right choices in raising her...now she can make the right choices in her future life!

After 2 yrs I feel we have made the right choice not to give up on her. It was hard and emotional to get her here but it is all so worth it now. To see her blossom and mature to a nice young lady is amazing. Even her girl scout leader said she is the one in the troop that has matured the most in the past year and she's now color guard. We are so proud of her.

Hang in there! Keep going and do it with love. At least he'll know that in the end family was there fighting for him.

[feelingreyt]

Just wondering if you have been able to get your nephews yet?

[redanley]

Hello all of you wonderful, educated, BRAVE mommies!

After reading, what seems like hundreds of threads, I feel like you gals could be most resourceful. I will try to keep this short...notice I said, "try". (smile)

My partner's nephew has been ward of the state of CA since 8/2008. Prior to foster care, he bounced from place to place with his birth parents while they fostered their drug habits. He will be 2 this December. My partner's brother, the baby's father, is a complete a total loser. He has seven children, all in the system. For the last year, him and the baby's mother have been homeless, using drugs, and running from the law...and she's pregnant with his number EIGHT! I think they still have parental rights but because they have not made any attempt at contact, let alone reunification, those rights are quickly slipping away. On 9-30-09, there is a court date to determine any progress that the two of them have made in regard to "parenting" this child.

The child's maternal grandma has kept us abreast on this entire nightmare and when she informed us that the child would soon be up for adoption, we jumped at the chance. We are only 2 weeks into the process but I am very much a planner/organizer and I need to know what to expect so I can properly plan emotionally, physically, mentally, financially, domestically, etc.

So far...we have talked to the child's case worker 3 times. She comes off very flat and we both feel rushed off of the phone which makes us nervous because we want her to like us. She originally stated that she wanted him placed with us before the court date but today when I talked to her, she had no time frame on anything. Our paperwork should (fingers crossed!) arrive tomorrow and we will complete it and fax it back to her immediately. I am aware that home and psychological assessments, as well as criminal history checks need to be completed but how long should we expect that to take? Is there anything we can do to expedite the process? What else can we do, in general?

I worry about finances because my partner and I are both in education and coming off of the summer vacation, our funds are LOW. Considering that this will be (I think) a kinship adoption, is there any type of financial support available to us? I asked the case worker today if we would be responsible for the cost of the assessments, background checks, etc. and she said no. Since we will be adopting the child out of the state, will they cover all costs? Will we be eligible for the one time reimbursement from the state? I am assuming that we will be responsible for travel and lodging right?

I am still trying to locate a support group that is lesbian-friendly and in the meantime...I have NO ONE to turn to for counsel, advice, venting, etc.

This is where you are come in....I hope you have room for one new (hopeful) mommy!

Thank you in advance, for everything.

[Barksum]

Some states do give adoption subsidies and medical cards to relatives adopting from the foster system.

Criminal history checks vary on how long they take, but I think an average for the federal checks is about a month. One of ours was smudged and got kicked back, so it added a week or two. We don't life near a town that has the new digital technology, but that can speed things up just a tad.

Do you have an adoption caseworker in your state? If you don't, start working on that. Your local state foster agency should be able to help you find the right contact person. The homestudy usually takes 1-3 months to complete. You should probably look into the classes required in your area as usually you must complete those as well. In our case we needed to have a foster license in addition to the adoption homestudy, since the child was in foster care and the TPR (termination of parental rights) hadn't happened before they were moved to our house. These steps can sometimes be expedited if you are working to bring home a relative who is waiting.

We did not have to outlay any money other than travel and the expenses having to do with that. These expenses can be reimbursed through a one time adoption expenses reimbursement. This is filed before the adoption is final, but reimbursed after the adoption is final.

I'm sure I've left lots out, but hope this gets you started.